A
female
age
36-40,
*lwaysafailure
writes:My boyfriend finished with me 2 weeks ago then we spoke about things and got back together because both of us wanted to be with each other. we have been together for 4 and a half years. He ended it again today stating that the only way we can be together is if we move away from where we live as to many people try to split us up. I do agree and im planning to move away anyway as i have a new job starting at the end of this month. He has been heavily drinking from the time he gets home from work at 5 till bout 6 in the morning and not paying for his rent just drinking and spending all his money on drink. I am really worried bout him all he keeps saying is that he wants his life over and that he has had enough he keeps pushing me away and trying to get me to hate him but i wont and i never will as i love him to much.i never want to be with out him as my life with out him is painfull and empty.i love him with all my heart but friends and family try and ruin that by making up rumars like he is cheating on me which in the end they tell me that they were lieing. what do i do. i just want him back. do i give him space and time to sort his self out? im worried he will do something stupid which he had done in the past by trying to end his life and ended up in hospital and he is going the same way now. i wanted to speak to some one that doesnt no neither me or him as i have no one else to talk to bout it that will take it seriuosly. please help me this is getting me really low.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): You and I are kind of in the same boat right now. You know what the main problem is with both of the men we love? They do not love themselves, and therefore cannot love someone else fully. Trust me, it's breaking my heart right now. I am just trying to be there for him, pray for him, and hope he sees the light...his own salvation does indeed lie in front of him.
A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (2 July 2007):
I know this is a tough thing to say, but here goes anyway. He may well have finished with you and threatened to kill himself, even actually tried to kill himself, to up the emotional tension in order to keep things the way he wants them. He may not even know himself that he is doing this. Being permanently drunk will make him irrational and deluded. Alcoholism and depression are two huge problems that you can’t run away from. If he can’t face his demons where he is, then he won’t be able to face them anywhere. He is fooling himself. I know because my cousin is like this. He blames all sorts of things for his problems, and he can’t see that his salvation is in his own hands alone. Moving away will just separate you from your own support network. Maybe some of them are trying to split you up – they are going about it in a clumsy and silly way if they are lying to you. But they are doing it because they care for you. Don’t be angry with them. I’m not going to tell you to leave him, although that would be the wisest thing. Try to get help for him, support him, be there to listen to him, but don’t move away with him. Keep in touch with your own friends and family, and live for yourself. You will think I don’t know what I am talking about because you are sure he is the love of your life, but if you do leave him, you will get over him. Everybody gets over heartbreak eventually. You have your life to live, believe me it is far shorter than you have any idea of at your age. Don’t waste it.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 July 2007):
 Your boyfriend seems to be very deep into problems, and I don't think a young girl like yourself can pull him out of that. I think this is very difficult with anyone. He needs to get the courage to stand up. Moving somewhere else will not solve any problems he may have, but it will increase yours.
If I were you, I would be supportive of him; but I wouldn't let myself be dragged. Try to get him to stop drinking. But, if he won't, don't sink with him.
Good luck.
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