A
female
age
36-40,
*gonyauntlisaxxxx
writes:Months ago, I hit rock bottom. I was depressed and was dumped over MSN by my ex of 2 years. I always take things to heart what people say about me or think about me. I recently celebrated my 6 months anniversery with my boyfriend of 6 months and he makes me happy and I Love him but he's upset and confused that my counselling is bad for me that one minute she says go back to the past and confront it dead on and then the next minute to bury it. He wants me to bury it once and for all and to never mention it again. What can I do to forget?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): You're in a new relationship and you're happy, that's good. The counselling is supposed to help you deal with the past. Sometimes it's not easy to "bury" nor healthy, because hiding it in the depths we may still be threatened by what becomes "latent." You're healed when you can think of the past without sufferring from the memories as if they had just occurred. Is it possible that your boyfriend is thinking not being recovered from this piece of the past, your relationship with him may not be stable? I think he should be reassured that it's the "actions" that caused you trouble, not the person itself anymore - that is, the way you were treated, not to person who treated you so. Being hurt even now by the person would equivalate with him not being indifferent to you? - it's this kind of thoughts that may bother your current relation. Therefore I think this difference should be discussed. In addition, it's only natural given you're the sensitive type an inconsiderate action can have echoes; but you can as well think if the person didn't have the courage to break up in polite terms then it's not worth your tears. Such "news" shouldn't be sent by mail! Plus he should have told you gently why it wasn't possible to continue so you could both learn your lesson, and also offer you friendship, which shouldn't have stopped, but my guess is it did. That's civilised, not mails. Plus if you mention that too often your partner may be confused and feel contradictory. Accepting the "ex abrupto" should be a good way of release, if you're not at peace with it. Rediscover to yourself why you are lucky to live another story...
A
female
reader, LethalInjection-x +, writes (16 August 2007):
 People have counselling for a reason. Therefore stopping it could have adverse affects. I don't think the problem is forgetting the past, I think it's more getting your boyfriend to think on your level about it, to get him to understand that you need the counselling. Could you talk to him about how counselling helps? (if it does) Or what you talk about with your counsellor? Try to involve him without him being there at the time sort of thing?I think that "forgetting" what you're trying to get over could make it worse, and if you ever split up, you could end up hating him for making you simply forget it, which could start a bigger cycle of problems.xxx
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