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He said he's not going anywhere. What does he mean?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Flirting, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 August 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My male friend and I have recently shared our inner most feelings to each other, and as it happens we feel the same way. This was accompanied by him interlocking our fingers, many hugs (him saying "I just want to hug/hold you"), holding me while looking in my eyes and he even kissed me. I am going through a long winded divorce, and we agreed not to consider a relationship until this is finalised. I recently told him that he has other options out there besides me however I don't want to lose him. He replied that he's not going anywhere. What does this mean?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2017):

It means he's staying for as long as it takes for you to tie up loose ends and be romantically involved again. I suggest though that once the divorce had been finalized, it's best to enjoy the new found freedom for a while. Love, M

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 August 2017):

He's telling you he will wait and you can count on that. If you both feel strongly for each other, I think he's being very patient and mature. How do you feel about that?

I don't think you're oblivious to where he's coming from. I think this man is falling for you. So much, he will wait until things are final. But there is no set-time on your emotions and healing-process.

Now this also means you have to be on the same page. If you don't want to immediately start a new commitment after your divorce; you had better inform him now. Don't play dumb. You knew exactly what he meant the moment he said it.

You'll have time to determine what you have together. He didn't propose, if that's what you're thinking. He's just letting you know this is more than casual, and he's sticking around. He'll go the distance.

That doesn't mean you have to commit to anything, if you're not there yet.

You must be clear and precise when you tell him that right now your focus is getting your life in order. A new relationship has to give you time for adjustment, breathing-room; and it's entirely up to you, if you want anything serious right now.

You have to adjust to your new freedom, recover from the strain of the divorce, re-evaluate your life; and figure-out where you go from here. You also have to exercise and appreciate your new independence. Which you can still have; even if you find a new man to date. I mean, just date!

Don't beat around the bush. This is serious. You have the opportunity to program his mindset on this situation. You can literally set the timer; and even put it on a stop-watch if you deem necessary.

A new-divorcee has stuff to prioritize and has to mend a few wounds leftover from the battle. If he can go the distance, good for both of you.

Please don't be an "up-in-the-air" kind of female!

Know what you want, and what you want to do with your life. Be in-charge. You're in the perfect position to call the shots. I think he has to know if you're not there yet, or may not be for some time. Then he can regulate his feelings and slow his roll. It's perfectly okay to be selfish after what you've been through, my dear!

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (12 August 2017):

YouWish agony auntIt means that he's in love with you and is willing to wait for the time it takes you to recover emotionally from the divorce. You offered him an out because you know how long and drawn-out the divorce can be, but he wants you.

The best thing you can do is to keep him updated on the status of the divorce and how you're doing emotionally. You can change your mind about being with him, as I'm sure you don't want to jump from one relationship to the next.

You don't owe this guy anything. Just concentrate on your divorce and getting back on your feet now!

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