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He never gave me a proper reason for breaking up, but still says he loves me and cuddles with me!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 December 2006) 6 Answers - (Newest, 7 December 2006)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

I split up with my Boyfriend about 2 weeks ago, we had been together for 2 years and lived together. He recently got a new job and everything changed! He went out all the time with his friends, and stayed at theirs about twice a week. When he told me he couldnt do it anymore, we both cryed all night and cuddled! We are best friends, i hope we always will be, but im confused! He never gave me a proper reason, when i ask him he just says its wierd! Whenever i go see him we always cuddle and he says how much he loves me,and hopes we will get back together one day! What does this mean??

View related questions: best friend, get back together, split up

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A female reader, AngelofLove United Kingdom +, writes (7 December 2006):

AngelofLove agony auntIf he has not given a reason but hopes to get together, ask him to discuss things with you.

Something is stopping him from moving forward. Perhaps he depressed or worried about something.

Try to be supportive and get him to open up.

Good luck xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006):

This is an unhealthy arrangement.

1) Tell your ex (he is your ex) that he has a choice: be your boyfriend or not.

2) If he says "not," then tell him that you can no longer cuddle with him and be intimate the way you are doing now. Tell him how confusing this cuddling and his saying "I love you" are to you. Make sure he understands that this is necessary for your emotional well-being...to not have this weird ambiguous intimacy.

3) Take a break. Don't call, avoid him. Try not to see him for two weeks, a month, or more. Don't return his phone calls. If he drops by, ask him why he's there and keep it all business unless he's there to stop bs-ing you.

4) Move on. If he can't tell you why he broke up than he's not a grown-up, and you can do better with no one than with a child who can't even explain to you why he doesn't want to be with you. At least my ex gave me a reason. He tried to do the whole cuddle and cry bit too, but fortunately he lives out-of-town and it was a matter of days before I realized how much trying to be "best breakup buddies who still love each other" was hurting me. I called him and told him that we needed to not talk to each other for at least two weeks, and in the time that I've stopped talking to him, my life has drastically improved. It's like a great weight was taken off my chest. Hell...I aced a job interview less than a week after a break-up. How's that! I'm not crying every day, I stopped feeling ugly and rejected and dependent and now it's like I got my old life back. I'm the person my ex originally fell in love with (with a few IQ points added) and not some crying, co-dependent self-hating creepwoman.

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A female reader, accused United States +, writes (7 December 2006):

accused agony auntI would talk to him and demand a valid reason for why you two broke it off. I feel that you are worth an explanation! If he can "respect" you and LIVE with you, then he can "RESPECT" you and give you what you deserve, a reason... GOOD LUCK

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A female reader, Missie +, writes (6 December 2006):

hi, girl, I've been there, I kno its hard for you to let it go, 2 yrs is long.But you need to look at it this way, he feels you do not fit into he's new social life and he didnt even have the decency to be honest or try it. he's lieing to you about 'getting bk sometime' he's trying to buy time so that he can get over you completely. Then your feelings will not matter. run, run like the wind. You deserve better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006):

He probably needs space. Give him his space and see what happens. If there is love, don't worry, it always comes back. Be strong.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006):

If he hopes you guys will gt back together one day then why don't you??? I'm so confused. I don't understand why he broke up with you in the first place. This doesn't make ANY sense to me at all. If he loves you then why did he break up with you?? You know what?? he's stupid! Talk to him. Ask him why he decided to break up.

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