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female
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*ez79
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 10months, living together for 6months, and when we are together everything is fine. However I am very possessive and every time he tries to go and see his friends I feel rejected, like he is abandoning me. So I sulk and cause an argument just to make him feel bad before he leaves. I know that I am being completely unreasonable and I am driving him away but I cant seem to stop. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (7 December 2006):
 Unless he goes out more than 3 times per week, you need to give him space, otherwise you will lose him.
Being possessive will not ensure that he will stay in with you or be any more faithfull than to be a cool, support girlfriend.
Causing arguments will encourage him to go out more and enjoy the freedom. This way he will begin to associate you with the NAGGING ONE AT HOME.
What to do? Quite the opposite of what you are doing, tell him to have a good time, go out yourself so that you are not driving yourself crazy at home waiting for him.
If one is going to cheat, one will. Regardless if you are possessive or not. The difference is that you give them an excuse if you are jealous.
Keep busy when he is out and try not to be over controlling.
Life is to short and you need to learn to trust.
Be strong!
xxx
A
female
reader, pica +, writes (7 December 2006):
I want to say 'get a life' but I don't mean it so much in a harsh way. He shouldn't be your whole world and it sounds like you are dangerously close to that. A healthy relationship needs time apart. Spend time with your own interests and friends.
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male
reader, Prada +, writes (7 December 2006):
I think maybe when he goes out you should take that time to plan something for you guys to do when he does get home.Like plan something sexy,or funny,just try to keep your mind off of what he is doing and just remember you dont need to feel like that because he is coming home to you at the end of everyday.So that should make you feel really good.Just try to take everything that you may think is negative and try to turn it into something positive.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Hi Sez,
The next time he goes out, why not invite some of your friends over and have some fun, too? Just because he's going out doesn't mean you have to stay home and be bored.
Even if you don't have friends over, you could take the time to catch up on things you've been wanting to do. Maybe pick out a movie that you know he wouldn't want to see and watch it while he's gone.
You could also do something that's a bit crafty to take your mind off of things - like maybe start a scrapbook. It might sound nerdy, but it's actually quite fun being creative and looking through pictures. :) And it will be fun to look through in the future. Plus if you really like doing it (even if it's not scrapbooking), time will go by really fast.
But whatever you decide to do, just make sure that you are having fun, too, just like your boyfriend! If you're just sitting around and waiting, that's just going to fuel the bad feelings, you know?
Take care.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 You should really try to get a grip on this before he leaves and doesn't come back. Why should he only spend time with you? The good news is you realize the problem is yours. Try to find your own hobbies to do while he's out. Try to find out why you're so insecure without him. At least, if you know you're wrong and it bugs you when he leaves, shut up and don't say anything. Don't forget, you're wrong.........Grin and bare it.
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