A
female
age
30-35,
*becky*
writes:Advice needed ... I have been with my boyfriend on/off for 2 years now and about 4 months ago we decided to give it a proper go and make our relationship serious. When we were not together we both were involved with other people. The guy i was with is a very good friend of mine and we had a lot of fun together. He and my boyfriend do not get along at all as my boyfriend still thinks that there is something going on with us. Last week at my friends house party, i was told by 3 of my friends that my boyfriend had told them that he doesnt trust me when i am alone with other guys. This obviously really upset me. The guy i was seeing (lets call him 'A'), saw me crying and i confided in him about what my boyfriend had said and how i felt about everything. He told me i deserve so much better and that he doesnt treat me right etc. We ended up kissing ... i am so ashamed. I dont know what is wrong with me .. i thought i loved my boyfriend but i am so attracted to 'A' and he did things for me that my boyfriend can never do. I dont know if i am attracted to him because he turns me on that much or because i am scared of commitment to my boyfriend. I feel like i need to tell my boyfriend what happened because now when i am with him i am constantly thinking about what i did. He has noticed that something is different with me but he has also said that if he ever found out that i had cheated he would "never speak to me again and hate me forever". But i dont think i want to lose what i have with him but when i am with 'A' i feel like i lose my self-control and have to have him. 'A' knows how i feel about him and he has said he is attracted to me also. My boyfriend loves me very much and if he knew it would kill him but it is always going to be in the back of my mind. I just wondered if anyone else had been in this situation before and what they did and how they felt etc. Or how they managed to erase their mistake from their mind?! Thanks for any advice xxx
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female
reader, *becky* +, writes (29 May 2009):
*becky* is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou garcypher for your advice it means a lot =]
You have made me realise how i really feel, which has helped the situation a whole lot more.
Thanks again xx
A
male
reader, garcypher +, writes (29 May 2009):
You can't erase anything from your mind. You have to address the problem head on.
You said it's been on and off with your boyfriend for two years. Well that speaks volumes to me: there is a problem with the relationship. From the sound of it you fancy this other fella more than you do your boyfriend. Face it, it looks like it's time to move on. He already suspect your feelings for him are changing. It's better you find out now who you are and what you want before you end up getting pregnant or marry the wrong one. Most of us have more than a few partners before finding the right one for us.There is no easy way of letting someone down. Just be straight and tell him how you feel and why. You have got to follow the path that leads you to happiness.
I'm sounding like one of those chinese philosophers now.
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