A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend on an online dating/chat website about 7 months ago. We were just friends for about 5 months before we both agreed to be in a committed relationship. We live two states apart and we visit each other at least every few months. The relationship is great we both communicate and talk every day. I feel like we are not just lovers but also best friends.The problem is a few weeks after we agreed to be in a committed relationship I got an email off a female friend of mine that I also met from the same online dating/chat website I met my boyfriend on. She informed me that he was still on that site and she had been chatting to him often and she informed me of some of the conversations she had with him which were very sexual and she said he often suggested for them to hook up and he told her he was single.He is not aware she is my friend. I was really shocked what I have been told. I know you can’t believe everything people tell you but I feel awkward or bad to ask him about this given I don’t have any actual proof..just her words. I’m really stuck on what to do. I know it’s him she is chatting to, he told her personal details about himself that she would only know about him if he told them to her. She also showed me the profile his using which I’ve been keeping an eye on and he access that profile every day.(the profile also says his single)I was thinking of making a fake profile and chatting to him myself, so I can see how he is chatting to these girls for my own eyes but I feel this is not the right thing to do.I’m really stuck on what to do.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 December 2012):
 Regardless of any agenda your woman friend may or may not have, she has provided enough proof of your new boyfriend's character and his motives for you to make a decision. She knows things about him only he could have told her. You've see his profile and know, by keeping tabs on it yourself, that he's still active.
You don't need anything further.
If he isn't ready to be exclusive or make any big commitments, fair enough, but he shouldn't act on that privately while telling you something different. If he doesn't want to be exclusive to you, then he should not expect you to be exclusive to him while he makes up his mind. That's unfair.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (1 December 2012):
 Can she not take a screenshot of the chat or give you any kind of proof?
If it turns out that he's not doing this kind of thing and then you make a new account to chat to him to tempt him into that kind of thing, then that could cause a whole load of problems too.
The amount of times ive heard of people doing it on facebook and then they think its been a terrible idea afterwards.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 December 2012):
 Sorry, a guy who is still on the dating site and STILL contacting other women and chatting in a sexual manner is NOT committed to the relationship AT ALL - he is just using you as a "safety blanket" til someone "better" (in his eyes) comes along.
Don't stoop to his level and create a fake profile, you KNOW what he is doing, do you really need more "proof"?
I'm sorry, I would print the pages out of his profile and bring them next time you see him, then end it and when he asks why - I would be honest and tell him that you aren't looking for an open relationship or to date a guy who is emotionally cheating and flirting on a DATING site with other women. Don't mention the other girls name. YOU DO NOT need to prove anything to him. He already knows what he is doing. Dump him - Make is short and sweet and then block him from your life.
Why would your friend lie?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): hi this is the OP
I just wanted to reply to N91.
His actions isn't the type of committed relationship we agreed on.
when we agreed to be in a committed relationship it was only to each other. we did not agree on seeing other people or being in any type of open relationship.
I don't want to be with him if he is doing this. the problem is i can't really say for sure if he is really doing what my friend has told me.I would feel very bad if I dumped him based on what my friend has told me then later find out it wasn't true.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 December 2012):
Please explain how a comitted relationship involves one half of it claiming that they are single whilst sending other people sexually explicit messages and asking to hook up?
If you were the one doing it, would you feel comitted to that relationship? Because I know I wouldnt if I was in that situation.
This guy sounds a little immature if he is still deciding to chat women up whilst he has a girlfriend. Its a little sad to say but I have friends that actually do this aswell and I know that they would have sex if the oppotunity to have cheat arose, sounds like your bf may be that type of guy.
Id seriously evaluate your relationship if this is your idea of it being comitted.
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