A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Sorry its jumbled, but my mind is racing!Recently I found out my man of 8 years was seeing someone else. We have been in a long distance relationship about 5 years. He's admited hes been seeing her for 2 years. But says it was just sexual, and its me he loves,and hes ended it w her. He's insisting i finally make the decision to move to him, to save our relationship. Normally i keep my private life private, but this situation I have been getting opinions from many. Im not sure if I should trust he loves me and can be faithful again if Im living with him. Before he moved away we had a wonderful, loving, trusting relationship. I truely believe he loves me. Am I stupid? It seems like the women ive talked to over the age of 40 all have the same advice. If you find a man you love, have fun with, and have mutual strong attraction with.. you should stick with them through the tough times with them, cause all men lie in the right situation.How do you all feel about this? should we accept men this way? Should I give this man another chance?
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): "cause all men lie in the right situation."
Well, not true. We "all" don't do everything, men or women.
Tough situation, but only you and he can work it out.
Ignore all the advice you have been getting, get counseling if you want to work this out, the two of you together. Yes, together, because an 8 year relationship if a long relationship, but a 2 year affair is a long affair as well.
A
female
reader, JackieW0719 +, writes (3 October 2010):
 Please don't move in with this man. He says the relationship with this other woman was only sexual? That is a poor excuse! He spent two years lying to you. If he was quite willing to lie to you for two years of the five you've been together, he is probably going to lie to you again as soon as he gets the chance.
Real men and women who love their partners do not lie and cheat. Loving relationships are built on mutual trust and respect.
The man you love and who loves you will treat you with the respect you deserve. He's already lied, and cheated, you move in with him and he will steal your happiness as well.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): oh dear i bet your mind is racing, first of all how did you find out he had this sexual affair or did he slip up, i bet your well upset, cause i am in a LDR and i trust my man 100% like he trusts me, when i first met him he did say no cheating cause wont be any second chances so we said that straight away, but what must be upsetting for you, is that hes been having sex with this other girl, then having sex with you, god i would be heartbroken if my man did this to me, i cant tell you what to suggest here, before the man i am with now, i was with another man and he left me thought the grass was greener, but he was planning to hook up with someone else so i found out after, when he knew i knew he came to me asking me to marry him and all that, it was cause i found out what he had done, had my supision about this girl he knew, but he would say i was paronoid, after a few months apart i decided to give it another go, but what he did when i was at his mums, he left me there for the day, and went to this girl again, so that was it i told him no more, not going to be second bes,t and he finally admitted to havin feelings for this girl and actually kissed her, i think he did more but he didnt admit to that, so i feel thats what your man is doing feeling guilty and wanting you to move to him thinking things will be better, at least you wil be with him more so then he should not be tempted, but he should not of been tempted the once, you ask that question do we give the man a second chance, depends how it effects you really, me i couldnt, but i did but it didnt workout with my ex, with the man i am with now i hope he never ever cheats on me, cause yes i would be defistated but cause i love him so much would probably work things out, cause i feel i want to grow old with this man, and we all get hurdles in out life that we have to sort together as a couple, so really its up to how you feel, could you carry on as you was, and move to him, or would it come up in argument all the time, and could you have sex with him knowing hes had sex with someone else, dont know on that one good luck..hope you work it out.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 October 2010):
Amazing that women actually gave you that advice! It's crap. Those women over the age of 40 are probably unhappy. Stay with this guy, and you'll join them. All men lie. So do all women. But not all men cheat for two years, then insist the only way to fix a relationship is for the woman to move in. That's madness.
Why would you consider being second best? Why allow a man to treat you this way. Those women were onto something when they said there are good and bad times, but we're talking about a man who cheated for 2 years and is now pressuring you into doing something HE'S not even ready for. This isn't like lying about going to a bar. This is about you staying with a man who is willing to cheat, then pressure YOU.
The women who gave you that advice were wrong this time. Don't settle for this guy. He'll hurt you again.
...............................
|
