A
female
age
30-35,
*luffyPie
writes:My boyfriend and I have been a couple for almost 2 yrs. We love each other very much and we trust each other and we're getting married.Thing is, we went out last night and he told me he needs to be home earlier than usual because he's tired. Plus he's got stuff to do for work and he kept on telling me how much he wants to sleep as soon as he gets his work done. We got dinner and we went home (separately).Today I've met one of our mutual friends and I asked him how's it going, that we haven't seen each other for ages. I was kind of surprised when he said something like "why didn't you come last night with *my bf's name* to the weekly meeting?" I said "last night I've been with him but I don't remember him telling me that he'd hang out with you".You have no idea how stupid I felt. Now don't get me wrong, I like our friends, they're great people, fun, happy, I have ABSOLUTELY nothing against my boyfriend hanging out with them. BUT I refuse to believe that "maybe he changed his mind" and decided to hang out. It wasn't a "boys night", it was a meeting with our mutual friends, male and female friends. We all get along great, you get the idea. We don't go every week though, mostly because we either work or spend it at home (he's not really the -social- kind of man).So he went out last night, he told me he's got work to do and he's dead tired, he usually tells me (without me asking him, because I trust him and I think it's unnecessary to doubt him) who he's hanging out with (when he does it). I'm not the nagging or clingy and needy kind of girlfriend, I don't control his moves, I don't call him 10 times a day just to see what he's doing and I don't question him.But now, I repeat: I DON'T MIND HIM HANGING OUT WITH THEM, I'm upset because he LIED to me and now I see it as a way of wanting to get rid of me faster and it hurts and it makes me feel a bit insecure from now on... Am I right to feel this way ? Why did he do that? What do I do? What do I tell him? And what about me...?
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): I think you should talk to him more about it. It's you and him now. It's wrong that you feel this way and not knowing what's the bottom line of him not telling you. He can make a bunch of excuses about what happened that night and you know the truth. N now you just have to get it out of him of why not tell you. You have the right to know. Sugarcoat it. Tell him it doesn't upset you that he went, it's just bothering you why he didn't tell you about it. I wish you luck and I hope you find out. And don't feel negatively about the situation, it's not gonna get better. Always be positive and sit down with him and talk about it.
A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (6 March 2011):
FluffyPie is verified as being by the original poster of the question I talked to him and his first reaction was to ask me "how do you know?" Then he said that he accidentally met our friend on his way home and he asked him to join the crew. I asked "ok and what about your work? (I know that work is very important to him, he's basically trying to avoid any mistake, he's well paid and he financially supports his family)". He said he worked on it the same night, after he got home. But I know these meetings are usually planned ahead, so he wanted to be there. So I've done some research to make sure he's telling the truth. I contacted our friend and I asked him if he just bumped into my boyfriend that night and he simply said "no, we planned to meet but he wasn't sure whether to be there or not". I felt so stupid because this guy thought I also knew about this meeting. I just felt unimportant, not because I wasn't there, it's because he decided to lie over this insignificant thing. Even if he told me, I wouldn't have joined him, since I was tired as well that night and all I wanted was to get some rest. And as for him going there - doesn't bother me at all. Now how am I supposed to handle this ? Dig it and pretend like he just changed his mind all of a sudden and NEVER told me that he was planning to go out with them, even if he wasn't sure ? He decided to be there, without me knowing. I wouldn't have said anything against it and now I feel stupid and unimportant.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): I don't want to be harsh, but have you talked to him about this? I think you should talk to him first before jumping on this site. You won't be able to get good advice if we don't have any idea of why he did it. Anyways I would love to know more of the story.
...............................
|
