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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi, advice really needed.. I have been with someone three months and we really get on well majority of the time but there is one thing. He told me that he got divorced in 2011 and as i am on his Facebook i can see that to be true. However i had a nosey on it the other evening and saw that his ex wife tagged him for about six months the start of 2013 which indicated they got back together and even moved back in together. I have asked him about this and he said that he was not with her in 2013, has no idea why she taggged him and they did not get back together. I feel like he is lying about this and i doon't understand why. In terms of who he is now i do trust him and i know for sure that since then he has not had any contact with her and her posts to him stopped in June 2013 and she tagged herself as being in a relationship wiith another man (who she is still with) a month later in 2013.Am i wrong to pry and to be annoyed that from what i can see he did go back to her even though he is adament once they divorced in 2011 they had no relationship in the physical sense whatsoever?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): I'm with the op. Thing is you did look out of curiosity or checking out or whatever... and frankly these days with social media it's easy to do, and he hasn't altered anything to untag himself etc etc I think everyone kind of has a look at a partners fb or what have you. You don't have to be a manically jealous or obsessive person to do so, so I think wise owl is over the top here about it being snooping really. He's right in that what he did before you is none of your business too. That said however, it is quite the discrepancy in my opinion if there that you describe, if his fb indicates evidence that he's lied. If indeed the evidence is clear - and I mean really clear. Why would he lie? I understand why that leaves a bad taste for you and worry for the person he really is. It's hard to take someone at face value when you know they have lied because you can't help but wonder why and I not what circumstances they would again. Is it possible he's dug himself into a hole here and genuinely didn't think much of the few months of contact- in whatever capacity it might have been? Then when found out dug deeper thinking bugger! That's a time I'd pushed out my head? Maybe he's embarrassed or doesn't want to remember as it's not important now. It's a fair few years back now...Maybe he wanted to give things another go at that point, maybe he was helping her out, maybe many things- but who cares? It was years back now. You don't need to bring back his memories of that- it's your call if you can live with the fact he has lied about this and if you can put it to one side and concentrate on the now.I once had an ex tell me he hadn't had an affair with someone when actually he had. I had to choose to believe his reasons when he eventually told me, which actually was his utter shame and embarrassment. I did decide to stay, however he lied about other things too I discovered so I ended it. That isn't to say this is the case with your guy, but it he's deceitful then you will see other evidence soon enough
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd again i was not snooping. He told me they got divorced in 2011 and he was glad to see the back of her. I just looked on his Facebook and saw that they had been very friendly for 5 months in 2013 to the point they got a house together. I call that bare faced lying and i cannot understand why he did considering i have had no other reason not to trust him! I do trust him now, i don't think for one minute he is chatting up other women etc, but i do feel that he lied about this and that is what niggles me and for good reason!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): You're trying to gain an unfair advantage by prying and probing. He's taking you at face-value.
Maybe he should ask your previous boyfriend what you were like. One thing for sure, you have a highly suspicious nature and maybe jealous tendencies.
Your obsessing over his ex-wife and what they did years ago doesn't make sense.
When you investigate private matters concerning someone's past relationships because you're jealous or you don't trust them, that's snooping!
What he did with his ex-wife years before he met you, has nothing to do with you. He does not owe you his complete autobiography in order for you to be his girlfriend.
Now you're judging him based on jealousy. Good luck!
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 August 2017):
 If he lies about something THAT major, what else will he lie about?
While I don't get going through a new partner's timeline, tags or what have you, on Facebook - I do think it makes sense to glean what you can from a PUBLIC social website. After all, HE left it available for you or ANYONE to look at.
I don't think you owe him total trust after 3 months. Trust is EARNED. For most of us, it takes a little time to trust someone else. It's gradual, not instantaneous.
And I don't see WHY you feel you have to right to know ALL the details of his marriage, divorce, and relationship with the ex. AS long as he isn't seeing her anymore. It IS his past. It should have nothing to DO with YOUR relationship with him. AS long as he isn't seeing her still.
If you presume that people shouldn't stay in touch with ANY exes, YOU can CHOOSE to do so in your life - doesn't mean EVERYONE else feels the same.
With this guy, YOU have to decide if this is a dealbreaker or not. (that he didn't give you all the juicy details and decided to gloss over what happened with his ex after the divorce.)
MAYBE... he didn't tell you the truth because he was embarrassed or he didn't feel it was really ANY of your business what happened 4 years ago before he met you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wasn't snooping. He told me when he got divorced i just had a look down at his Facebook and noticed that two years after the divorce, in which he had stated he was glad to see the back of her there was several posts that she tagged him in that said otherwise! She thanked him for a weekend away, cosy meals together and the fact that they she had the keys to a house to live with him again, he also wrote a post which backed up he lived there with her.
I don't like the fact that i feel lied to, since he told me that he did not recall even seeing her in 2013, let alone all that. Now he has toold me he recieves the odd message/email off her, but i have no need to be concernded. They don't have children together, no ties whatsoever, so i cannot understand for the life of me why he is still in any contact with her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): You are only human and its early days. Dont be hard on yourself. It takes a while to adapt to a new relationship. We all carry baggage from our pasts. Keep talking and you will soon find out if you can trust him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): You've been with someone three months and you're already snooping?
That means you never trusted him from the start, or why would you be compelled to go behind his back for information? Then why should he trust you?
I really don't know how you came to the conclusion someone was together or moved-in together by his ex-wife tagging him on Facebook? They only shared information on their timeline.
Do you know what tagging means?
Yes you're wrong to pry, and he's wrong to want you as a girlfriend if you can't trust him.
You have confirmed he is legally divorced. What he did with someone else four years ago is none of your business!
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