A
female
age
41-50,
*iena
writes:I do not know how to deal or if I can deal with my boyfriend's frienship with an ex. I left my husband for him 4 years ago as we had an affair and I really do love him otherwise I wouldn't have gotten divorced. I feel that he is my soulmate. We were together for 3 years after my divorce and recently broke up for 4 months. That is when he got together with this girl, she is also his finacial planner. He asked me a month ago if we can try again as he now realises what we had and that he really loves me and want to be with me. He obviously broke up with her. Whenever we are together he gets sms's and telephone calls from her. I've given him an ultimatum, me or her. He just simply says he cannot choose as she is doing business for him, and he is not prepared to use anyone else, and how can I not trust him. Trust has got nothing to do with it. I get upset every time he talks to her or see her. I honestly don't know how to deal with this situation ? I don't want to be the jealous girlfriend. But why did he asked me to give us another chance if he is not willing to give it all to me ? He promised me he will give 100%. I'm just so scared I'll get hurt once more if I allow him to carry on with his friendship with her ? What should I do ? How should I handle this ?
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affair, broke up, divorce, jealous, soulmate Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Your sad because your man loves you.... Lady... well I don't know what to say except have fun, your one lucky so and so....LOL
A
female
reader, siena +, writes (24 June 2008):
siena is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYour words makes me SO SAD, because it's SO TRUE !
Thank you, thank you. I'm definitely going to give it my ALL !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): You love this guy, you were willing to betray your vows to be with him, you were willing to leave your husband to be with him, you love him and that's all that matters. Now you say you broke up for 4months, well that's not long considering you've been together for 3years. After all you've been through, after all he means to you how can you allow this woman to come between you and destroy the relationship you have developed with him.
He loves you, he must, he had her, he didn't want her, he came home to you. It's you that he loves, your not second best, your the woman in his life. He wanted you when you were married, he wanted you when he went away, and he wants you now, because he's not tied to you and still he wants to stay.
I don't know why you broke up, but from what you say, he went to this woman for comfort because he couldn't get you. As soon as he could he came back, she means nothing to him, if she did he would be with her not you.
Now this ultimatum thing is no good. If he gives you 100% there will be nothing left for him. He needs to make money, so he can spend it making your life together as comfortable as it can be. He's not thinking about romance when he's with this woman, I'll bet he's even forgotten about the time he spent with her. She's not a woman to him, she's a financial adviser and if she can make him rich, then of course he wants her to stay.
Don't be stupid, don't throw away the best thing that ever happened to you. She's no threat, she can't take him away from you, she had her chance and she couldn't do it. Do you think she can do it now he gets to have you every day.
How do you get over your real feelings of jealously. Well when people leave, it's natural to get scared and think they will leave again. You must learn to trust him again, you must repeat everything I have said over and over again.
Make him love you, bind him with your love. Stop nagging, stop pushing, forget about this woman. Turn your attention to him, remember your love, remember the romance, make him glad to be with you and excited to come home every night. This man loves you and you love him, forget about this woman, she's just an accesory at work, just like any computer, chair or pen to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): If you love him and value your relationship, make an effort; you will reep the benefit!
Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 I believe if he really loves you, he would get rid of the friend.
How keen would he be for you to be friends with someone you recently slept with?
He can get another financial planner.
Don't let him bully you or make excuses.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Always try to stay calm; do not let your mind play games with you; to imagine things that is not there; then you get scared; scared of loosing him etc
Accept the facts; the reality of the situation; he is with you by choice; he chose you over her;
if he wanted to be with her, he would not be with you; fact, accept it, and be happy; say that to yourself over and over and start believing it!
when he does talk to her or sms; (in your mind) say, vow,I am so happy, he is with me!
Start to value and appreciate him and that he is with you; oh and that he is honest and open about it; he is not talking to her secretly behind your back;
when you start feeling those unwanted feelings wanting to start inside you; put it out of your mind; start thinking about positive things and start thinking about how great it is to have him back
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A
female
reader, siena +, writes (23 June 2008):
siena is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Thanks for your advice/reply. I hear what you are saying and have to admit that I do feel insecure about this. Do you have any advice on how to deal with it, without working myself up everytime he talks to her ...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Okay take a deep breath; relax!
You seem very upset, unhappy and insecure; now firt just relax;
This guy is back with you because he wants to be back with you; Accept that;
If he wanted to be with the other girl, he would be with her;
now don't you with your "fears" and insecurities send him to her "amrs"
Okay, you feel unhappy that they are still in contact, but if he is doing business with her and is happy with her work; vow, don;t make him choose; I think it is unfair;
I suggest you have a good look at yourself; do some introspection; work on your "fears" and insecurities;
trust this guy or you are going to loose him;
Start appreciating your relationship; enjoy the guy, be happy that he is open and honest with you;
Good luck!
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