A
female
age
36-40,
*stanie
writes:I babysat for a friend for 6 months because her baby's father left her. So I only charged her $70 per week so she didn't have to worry about finding a babysitter and can get financially stable. She then got back with her baby's father within 2 months. I don't care that she got back with him but I advise she needs to tell him to be responsible and help out physically and financially. But it seems like he just wanted to stay somewhere free and eat without any obligations. Every time rent was due... She would ask for some money and he would break up with her! So, she asked me if she can just pay me $50 per week. I said it was okay for that time because I don't want her and her daughter to be homeless. But then the following week, she gets back with him. And this happens every month for the past 4 months. Last month, she actually didn't pay me for 2 weeks because he left her and her electricity was due as well. So, now it's gotten to the point where I feel taking advantage of. So, I talked to her about how I felt and asked he to not tell me if she chooses to be with him or not and I also don't need to hear her financial issues because I have bills as well and I can't keep letting her not pay me just because she decides to financially support her baby's father. She then yelled at me that I'm not a supportive friend!!!! Am I wrong for expressing my concern and feelings?! Because I feel like I was nothing but supportive and I'm left with crumbs instead of a slice of bread!
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female
reader, estanie +, writes (23 July 2012):
estanie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all! I just re-read what I wrote and saw many misspelled words LOL But I'm glad you all understand me and I feel better that I'm not the bad person out of this. I'm sure she is having a hard time and is venting to me when it's him she needs to deal with. Sadly, we aren't friends anymore. But I just wanted to know if I was wrong and if I should apologize. But if I'm somehow enabling her then I'm glad not being involved. I only wish for the best for them but I know I was taking advantaged of and it's not fair to me when I was a good and supportive friend!!!! Despite how she views it. THANKS AGAIN!!!
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Make it clear to your friend that you were supporting her only as long as she intended to leave the guy and if she keeps flitting back and forth then its not your problem. She can help the guy all she wants as long as she pays you for your services.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Yeah, I know you made your offer because you were supporting her to LEAVE him. You *have* been a supportive friend, but I know you weren't giving of your time and resources only to have her waffle back and forth like this.
You're also being a supportive friend by not enabling her to use you like this. You're shielding her from the consequence of her yo-yo leech of a boyfriend.
You weren't wrong by expressing how you feel. Tell her that you were helping her out under the understanding that she was leaving him permanently. If she isn't leaving him permanently, then she doesn't need you, and that she's really mistreating you by shorting you, refusing to pay, and losing resources of your own because she refuses to get back on her own feet.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Tell her you are having problems paying your bills and so she needs to pay full amount for stuff.
next time the boyfriend does a runner when the rent is due, go shopping, don't be home when she comes a knocking for a discount!
Prepare yourself for the next episode, research agencies in the neighbourhood who MAY be able to help, create a list, Agency Name, how they can assist, contact details and note any other requirments.
When the brown stuff hits the fan, the money is due and he does his disappearing act, give her the list.
You are not helping when you take care of the bills, you are enabling her (and him) to continue to avoid their responsibilities, they are not children, they are parents, its time you let them grow up and act like adults!
Be strong, stay calm, don't raise your voice, if necessary put your hand up and say "STOP! I can't do this anymore"
She's not going to like it, but its the only thing you can do!
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