A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This guy has let me down three times, should i forget about him ?. I met him a couple of weeks ago. The first time he said he would meet me, he ended up saying that he couldn't go out because he didn't have much money. The second time , he said he couldn't go out because he had football the next day and wanted to stay sober ( we were going to go out drinking ), and today, at first he said he was going out, and that one of his friends was going too, but then a couple of hours later, he said that his money hasn't gone into his bank account, and he apologised and said that he had to let his friend down too, but he said he will be going out on Wednesday. I haven't replied to him yet. Do you think i should, or do you think i should just forget about him ?. I was thinking of just saying something like "ok, no problem " , or " ok, hope to see you soon ". Something that sounds casual and like I'm not too bothered about what he said. What do you think ?. I don't see why he keeps picking days to go out though if he doesn't want to see me, and really, i don't think he should mention a day until he knows for sure that he can go out that day. He could just say something like I'll see you when I can instead or something.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): I wanted to add that he has 2 kids by 2 different women so he would have to pay money towards them too and i'm not sure if he has a job, but i know he finished university recently. I just said ok no problem.let me know when you are out.at least i dont have to ask him about meeting and i can leave it up to him.I can also still change my mind if i want to.I wont contact him now unless he contacts me.I'll let him know how i feel about him letting me down if i see him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): I wouldn't be so concerned about him blowing you off as much as I would be concerned about why he has no money? Does he even have a job? What does he do? Are you sure he is not into drugs?
The guy sounds a little weird. Not so much the blowing you off but the excuses he is coming up with. I don't think he is intentionally blowing you off. I think he is just like that. Obviously he does NOT have his life in order. Just by the things he is telling you it is so transparent that this guy is a little shady. I wouldn't be surprised if he is doing drugs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): I think you should forget this guy. He's obviously just making excuses. Once is acceptable but three times? Next!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 It sounds like he is "letting you down easy" to soften the blow of "No". If a guy REALLY wants to spend time with you, he will move mountains to do so.
S
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 June 2011):
 This guy is blowing you off. He isn't interested in dating you, and even if I were wrong and he was, if you're looking for good qualities in potential partners, his financial management skills really suck. However, I think he's lying. Men will move heaven and earth to see a girl they're interested in.
He's telling you something loud and clear. He's just not interested. You should move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): Okay its been 3 times and he is still at the point were he should be trying to impress you not let you down! Who cares if he had to let his friend down too! Sounds like a loser to me and I wouldn't even bother with a reply. Just delete his number. If you feel the need to reply I'd simply say
'Okay no problem see u around'!
You are too young to be hangin around for this loser and quite frankly you could be spending this time finding a decent guy who has more money, more time for you and is reliable! Sounds more of a catch to me!
Forget this idiot he doesn't know what he has missed.by hanging around your showing him you don't value yourself very much and that he can come and go as he pleases...before even the first date!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): "I was thinking of just saying something like "ok, no problem " , or " ok, hope to see you soon ". Something that sounds casual and like I'm not too bothered about what he said. What do you think?"
OP how is that going to change anything if you act like nothing is wrong and that you're not bothered by him doing this. You are bothered OP so tell him that. Tell him you're getting a bit annoyed that he keeps making dates and then blowing you off.
It sounds to me like he's just not that into you OP. He shouldn't make plans if there's a chance he won't follow through. Having no money is a load of crap OP. That's a lame excuse, you've also caught him out on the fact that he makes plans he knows he can't keep because he already has other plans.
I'd be prepared to walk away but do talk to him first and let him know you're not happy being led on like that.
If he really liked you then he'd make an effort, but he's not. Don't let him tell you that he does OP, his actions speak for themselves.
Twice he's blown you off and used money as an excuse. You know what I did when I made plans with my girlfriend and I found out I didn't have enough cash, I borrowed money from my friends. I didn't cancel, if I knew I wouldn't have had money then I would have waited until I did have cash and would have organized a date that didn't involve spending money just to spend some time with her. Money is not an excuse.
The second type of excuse he used was the football one. If he didn't want to drink then fine, he could have asked you to switch to a non-alcoholic activity such as the cinema or dinner, or even just hang out and watch a movie but he didn't. He knew that football would mean he couldn't drink well in advance, something tells me he arranged that so he could blow you off.
This guy really just doesn't give a crap about you OP, he doesn't give a crap about your feelings either to be honest, if he did he'd be more considerate, if he did really want to see you then none of the above reasons would stop him.
I mean it sounds to me like he only arranges dates based around drinking, when he can't drink he doesn't want to meet you. What does that tell you OP? That tells me he can't be around you unless he's drunk and that's a really bad sign. Because the only reason I can think of why someone would only do that is if they needed a few drinks find a person attractive. If he was one of those people that needed to drink for confidence then he would be making a hell of a lot more effort to see you but he's not.
Enough is enough OP. Talk this out with him, let him know that you're getting annoyed and if he wants to keep seeing you he'll make more of an effort. One important thing to remember though OP, if he says he will but he doesn't follow through with actions then you're wasting your time.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Flip it on its head and ask him to arrange a time when he can see you so you don't keep getting let down.
And if that doesn't make things any better then it seems like this guy is a bit of a timewaster.
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