A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He's 35 and I'm 31. My boyfriend has basically been neglecting me. He's always been the initiator in the relationship when it comes to texting/contact and anymore he doesn't even try. We don't live together at the moment and he lives like 35 minutes away yet we've only been seeing each other lately on Saturday and I'll stay the night leaving late Sunday night. During the last few weeks he just won't contact me. He got a new job doing some contracting work (cutting trees, building decks, shit like that) and claims that he's so busy working that it's really hard to contact me. However, he's been known to emotionally abandon his ex gfs as well when things got tough, and they all ended up cheating on him. I confronted him tonight, AGAIN, after the millionth time I've told him how I feel about it, and he said that yeah he's probably been neglecting me by not contacting me but at least he isn't going out "whoring around". He puts off his abandoning me by accusing me of cheating on him because his ex's all cheated on him when he started emotionally abandoning them. What do I do here? I love this man and am completely loyal to him. We've been through so much together but I'm at my wits end. He's expecting me to come over tomorrow and stay the night and act as if nothing's happened, but this man hasn't hardly said 2 words to me ALL week long. I find myself sitting here wondering if we're together or if we aren't. We used to see each other all the time and he would contact me nonstop so I can't have a relationship with this man now going on one text a day and seeing him one time a week. Sometimes, I think he wants out so I break it off but then he won't let me, he wants me back or apologizes and claims it'll be different. And it is, for a little while and then he goes right back to doing it again. My relationship is going down the drain and I'm heartbroken right now. I love this man more than anything. I don't know what to do anymore. I give him space, and then it ends up being too much and days go by with no real interaction with him. He's a million miles away, I can feel it. He told me yesterday he loves me, but that's where it ends. He isn't doing ANYTHING to show me he cares anymore. Anyone can tell me they love me, I need to feel it, to see it. He was, yet again, "working so late" that my Friday night is being spent alone at home, crying my eyes out.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (24 August 2013):
I disagree, at least to some extent. I agree that you are unhappy and that the relationship is dieing. I disagree about the causes.
I'm really having trouble being sympathetic with you Original poster. You seen to be wanting to blame him for all of this but your part is clear to me.
You say he has been ignoring you, but you are willing to make him be the initiator for three years. While it is true he hasn't called you this week, when was the last time you called him? It is a lot of work to be the initiator. Always being the initiator makes you feel unwanted.
You claim to love him more than anything and yet you describe his work as "shit like that". How can you love a man you have that much contempt for.
You say that he has a history of emotional abandonment, and yet all of his ex girlfriends have physically cheated on him. You excuse their much worse infidelity because he somehow earned it by not texting often enough.
The reason you spent last night crying your eyes out over a man that disgusts you, is because you were unwilling to do something about it. You didn't appreciate that he went out and did the manly thing and got a job. You don't go see the projects he is working on. You would really rather just keep him around like a harem girl, handy for you to scratch your itch. And you have the sheer nerve to say he isn't doing anything to prove he loves you.
Yes he is telling you the truth, he is tired. Tired of being used. Tired of being disrespected. Tired of being your doormat.
My advice is that you take this as a wake up call. Start looking at what it is you want in a man. It is obvious to me that he is not it. Then decide if what you want is really realistic.
FA
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): Your bf is giving you what i personally call, break it to her gently signs.
In every relationship, there is a point and time where it has to expire. Maybe, This is it.
When he says don't leave, take me back, he didn't really mean it, his saying it just for you to feel wanted.
But the truth is, he no longer feels the same way he did before. because if he does, he will never ever let you down.
Time will never be a problem, its something that every one can manage. If you really wanted to make things happen. But since its not his priority, he has a lot of things on his mind, he is taking you for granted.
I highly recommend for you to read my article. You never know maybe your being a doormat now.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/have-the-courage-to-go-from-doormat-to.html
My article will help you a lot. trust me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): I am in a very similar situation to you right now so I feel your pain. I feel like I've been 'chasing' my boyfriend of 4 years for ages but he wouldn't let me end it either. I don't know if this will even help you, but about 2 months ago I basically reached the end of my patience and told him that was it. I'd done it a million times before but this time I actually wanted it to be over. I just felt so drained, tired and neglected that I couldn't see us working. For whatever reason, maybe he can sense the real change, but he has really started trying. He's asked me to move in and plan a future with him. I think there must have been something in the way I was acting that has made him realise I was serious in my threats and he's upped his game. The sad thing for me is I think it's a case of too little too late and we will probably split up. But for you, maybe if you convince yourself finishing it is the only option and really mean it (no matter how hard), he might sense it and get a proper fright and realise he is going to lose you. If you're like me, although you've said it it will be empty threats. I think you should tell him you are not staying at his tonight either - while you do he doesn't need to change as he is getting what he wants from you. Break the habit and it might force him into action. If not then I would seriously end it though. You deserve to have the relationship you want too remember, and it shouldn't be this hard.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 August 2013):
There comes a point where loving someone just isn't enough. In your case you're miserable, so what is the point? There are millions of guys that will love you AND treat you the way you want to be treated.
At this point you need to tell him that you can't continue like this. Talking to him doesn't work, so don't bother. Simply tell him that if he wants to salvage your relationship, the only thing acceptable to you is for you two to go to couple's counseling.
If he's not willing to do that to keep you then you have no option but to leave him. If that happens I suggest "no contact".
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