A
female
age
36-40,
*ilys Davies
writes:Hello,I am really confused at the momment, since I do not know if I want to be in a relationship, even though I am quite happy with my boyfriend. He is my ideal husband, but I want to experiement with other men before settling down, since my boyfriend was my first love, sexual experience. We have been together for 3 and a half years.I am at my last year of university and feel that I want to have fun and meet with new men. I am not sure if I want to take the risk of ending it and him going with some other girls and spoiling our relationship?Help!Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): Hold on a tic....
You want to be with other men... and you want your boyfriend to be waiting for you, open armed... Even though I'm sure he'd be terribly hurt if you did such a thing.
BUT... You feel as though HIM going off with another girl, after you have dumped him to be with other men, would spoil everything.
You're trying to have your cake and eat it.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Hi,
some sound advice from the other posters.
I would add that only you truly know what is best. If in your heart you know that at some stage in the future you will be ruing missed opportunities then you may just have to let your boyfriend go .
On the other hand you may find it a totally unrewarding experience and miss your boyfriend massively.
We see both sides on this site, women in their 30's and 40's with kids thinking back to the old days and how they missed an opportunity to experiment.
Personally I would say go and experiment. You are still so young you really need to take whats on offer from the big wonderful world. You sound like a free spirit waiting to burst out of the shackles. It's probably best you do, but if you are going to then you should let your boyfriend know you want a bit of a break.
good luck
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A
female
reader, abbie959  +, writes (26 May 2008):
I think you've answered your own question. I was in the same position myself. The guy that I'm currently dating was my first bf and as a result my first everything. He really is everything that I could ever want in a man. My advice is this, do some soul searching. Sometimes the person can be perfect but the timing is off. If you feel like you want to spread your wings a little then do it. But be aware that he probably won't be there when you're done "dating other men". Is that a risk you want to take? If it is then he probably isn't the guy for you. I to wanted to see other men and see what else was out there before settling down for the rest of my life. But when I actually think about my life without him in it, it breaks my heart. I can't imagine him not there, his smile, his warm and kind words and loving touch. He's my everything, my rock. I just got lucky and found him early and didn't have to experience all of the negative sides of dating around. I'm not saying you shouldn't be afraid to walk away, I'm saying think about what you'll be throwing away before you actually walk away. He could be the one you were meant for.
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A
female
reader, :):):) +, writes (26 May 2008):
This is such a common dilemma and no solution seems perfect.
The temptation of other men will always be there, even when your in a stable happy relationship, its just in our nature. It only causes problems when we act on it.
Going three and a half years is a great achievment, especially as you've been at uni!
There are just a few questions you have to ask yourself.
What will you gain from sexual experimentation?
In reality, do you think you'd be happy exploring with other men or is this just a fantasy?
Do you see a clear happy future with your current boyfriend?
If you do want to experiment, would you be happy having flings?
Write a list of pros and cons, then think deeply about what will make you happy in the long run. Once a decision is made it will be difficult to change it.
Good luck
xxx
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