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He has lied and I don't know why

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 January 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 12 January 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend has lied to me about how serious an ex relationship was but I don't know why.

He said he and the girl were just friends and they flirted a bit but that was it however while over at his house a few days ago I found an old valentines card from her and pictures of them together which clearly show they are more than just friends.

Because of this I did some Facebook snooping and while I can't find that it says they were in a relationship, they have commented on each others pictures 'can't wait to see you' 'love you so much' etc etc.

I've asked him about it but he maintains they were just friends and he was never that in to her but from what I've found if anything it shows he was more in to her than she was to him! But why would he lie?

View related questions: facebook, flirt

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (12 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly why does it matter? In my experience most men don't really like talking about there old relationships, therefore I think you should just let it go. He is with you now and that is all that matters.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017):

I do the same as your boyfriend, I've played down the strength of past relationships to my wife. But not all of them.

Why? It's complex, and probably isn't necessary but-

There are at least 2 exes that I prefer to forget. I used to go for bad news girls, in some cases very bad. I prefer to consider them as 'mistakes' but couldn't deny there was something, but I wouldn't say just how much. My wife has even met one the exes, it was much better that my wife didn't know what me and the ex were in those days.

My wife gets jealous. Very jealous. I have no feelings for any of my exes (although, see next paragraph) but even the possibility of another girl annoys her, past, present or future. Of course, she can't expect me to have been a one-man-band until the day I met her, so I don't lie about the fact there have been past relationships, it's just that the details aren't even remotely important and might bring out the green eyed monster in her.

Then, there is the 'first love.' Not the blokeyist of things to say, I know, but all guys have had the first love thing. There are no residual feelings for this lady anymore, but there are always the fond memories. To give my wife the full psycho-social lowdown of that relationship would make her wonder how strong our relationship is now and she would start making comparisons.

Don't worry at all that your borfriend understated a past relationship. If you're the kind to go snooping, then he's probably played it down hoping to not give you a reason to be jealous!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (11 January 2017):

You said an old Valentines card? How old? Before you met?

How can you tell how much anyone likes anyone else; when you don't seem to know how much your boyfriend loves you?

You are spending too much time snooping around and concentrating on his old relationship; and not paying much attention to how he treats you, and focusing on your own relationship.

So you're concerned about how he feels about her, and that seems more important to you than how he feels about you? On top of that, you've accused him of lying.

Just how long do you think what you have will last if he feels you don't trust him? If he's a liar, why are you still with him?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntWhy would he lie?

My guess is because he is over her and has put her in the past. And partly to make you feel more comfortable knowing she isn't as "special" to him as you are. Maybe he sensed that you felt threatened by her? And he thought lying would be easier.

Should he have lied? No, it doesn't help, it only makes you doubt his words.

OR maybe he really isn't lying. It could be that he have realized AFTER they broke up that it wasn't a big love, but a puppy love relationship.

The thing is, if she isn't around, isn't in the picture why are you so focused on this? on "proving" (by snooping) that he lied about her? Why not just accept that he is over her and with you now?

I get if he constantly lies about things it makes you doubt him, but then the question is WHY are you with someone who lies a lot?

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