A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Okay this is my problem: I have been with a man for 8 months now.He is 9 years younger then me,and never told me he had a girlfriend back home that he has had for a year and a half.One day he finally broke down and cried and told me he had fallen in love with me. Well I cried too after he said he couldn't continue our relationship anymore. I was really upset but spoke gently to him and told him not to do this because he knows exactly which one of us 2 he really wants. He sat there blinking at me,grabbed me, wrapped his arms around tightly and said,"You are amazing". Weeks later he said that he has been thinking about this for awhile but he didn't know what I will say. So I encouraged him to talk. That's when he said that he wanted to marry me. I have brought it up lately and he said he is 90% sure he wants to marry me. Now here's the sticky part, he is back home for 2 weeks, visiting family and friends also I am almost certain he is seeing her too. I think that the other 10% is that heis buying a ring down there.He has only called me once but it was very brief because there was a 1 minute phone restriction. Before he had left we spent a lot of time together and it was not about sex!We did more then that.We text each other when we were at work and I have written him 3 letters which were extremely long expressing what he meant to me and why I wouldn't change him for anyone else.His favorite one was the 17page one that made him laugh and cry as he told he I was too honest.The 2 of us have admitted that we are both cranky when we have been apart from each other for sometime. No we don't live together.His job is so hectic that sometimes we are separated for a few days.I told him that love can not be explained,it can only be felt by the hearts that feel it and that I feel it. So my questions are: 1)am I too honest about how I feel?Was that a bad thing for me to do?2)Do you think he is purchasing the ring back home?3)Do you think he wants to marry me?4)Do you think he loves me really?I must add that if he is with her back home, it bothers me but I am strong enough to ignore it and not worry about it because once he returns he is mine, hopefully forever.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 October 2008):
All these questions will be asnwered when he comes back.
If he has not broken up with her then he is leading you on.
Until he is a single man you will never be able to say for sure whether he loves you or whether he's just leading you on and planning to go back to her when he's done.
Keep asking him when you speak if he's talked to his girlfriend and split up with her yet. Ask him how he's going to do it and when. Make him see you are serious about him doing it, and if he comes back without doing it, even if he's bought you the biggest diamond in the world, tell him you will not say yes while you have to share him.
Good Luck!! xx
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