A
female
age
36-40,
*ngel0101
writes:Right here is the thing, my boyfriend has recently gone out and had a one night stand with a girl, he rung me immediately after he had done it to tell me he had done this and and we have decided to stay together and make it work. he says he started the act and then stopped becvause all he could think about was me and his son. ive decided to forgive him but is this the right thing to do? i beleive him when he says this won't happen again and he's even asked me to marry him to show how much he wants to be with me, he says it was a drunken mistake and will never happen again, he wont however tell me who the girl is he says he cant remember but would do if he saw her again. but stil says he wont tell me as he doesnt want any trouble she didnt know he had a girlfriend, he was that drunk he can't remember half of the night.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 April 2007):
 The fact that he stopped half way, and called you straight away, is a good sign. It may have taught him how much he cares about you, because of how awful he felt doing this.
If you feel he has truly learned from this, then your relationship may work. It may even work better than it was before. But continue with your eyes open and make sure he doesn't make the same mistake again. He should be willing to show extra care and attention towards you to help you regain your trust. If he's out without you he should for example be willing to tell you who he is with and what he is doing. Don't expect it to be easy, but with a lot of commitment from him it can work.
I recommend dropping the marriage thing for now. You are, in my opinion, too young to be getting married. Stay with him and if continues to get better and better then think about it again after a few more years together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007): The bad news is your boyfriend (fiance?) cheated on you. The good news is it appears he handled it in the best possible way. All the stuff that ensued after the act (which he couldn't even finish), the instant phone call, the discussion, the renewed commitment, all indicate that it was indeed a drunken mistake and he's sorry. He also - I'm guessing - has a clean record from before this, so it's not as if it's a normal thing either. I think you could forgive him.
My only concern here is whether the two of you were on the track to marriage before now. It's a nice display on his part to turn around and propose, but you should gently decline and delay that plan if you feel like he only said it to try and regain his standing in your eyes. If you had both been talking about marriage previously it's probably fine - but don't accept a desperate apology in lieu of a real, thoughtful and sincere proposal.
As for the other woman - even if he did remember who she was, would you really want to see her? It would probably be humiliating for her, and upsetting for you. If you still bear any resentment to anyone, it should be towards your boyfriend. The other girl doesn't have the same commitment to you that he does. Forgive your boyfriend if you want, but also exercise your right to be angry with him. Depending on how long you've been together, this could be repaired.
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