A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In april of this year I met a guy online who i got chatting to. It wasn't even remotely romantic to begin with and at the time was very into someone else. Usually if i logged off and cut the conversation short i would return to a message saying he enjoyed chatting.After a while i got to know him more and learned that he is in the armed forces. We discussed how difficult that must be in regards to relationships and he said his last gf finished it because she wasn't prepared to wait. As a result he decided he didn't want a relationship with anyone.As time went on we started to flirt but I was always aware that he was due to leave for iraq within a few weeks. We began to rather into each other and talked about meeting. He would suggest it but every time it got round to it he would find a way not to. I wasn't sure why till i asked him directly. He told me that it was down to the fact he didn't want to get close and attached before he left. He left and during the time he was away i would write and so would he. He emailed me after he recieved a parcel from me that i promised to send and told me that he didn't want to hurt me but he just wants us to be friends for now and that he would like to see where it went when he got home.I was quite ticked off because since before he left he had been saying he'd like it if i didn't see anyone else etc. Though what he said essentially made sense i felt like he was giving me a brush off. I refrained from writing to him and carried on as normal. He logged onto msn the first time in the tour after not hearing from me in a month (i'd recieved three letters in this time) and told me he didn't mean what he said and that he was just tired and definitely wanted to see where it went.As time went on he changed his mind another two times. I'd had a gutful of this and by the time he came home for 2 weeks leave i was disallusioned by it all. He asked if we could meet and at first i agreed. He hired a car, drove 4 hours to camp where he works and lives and i was to meet him there. I felt he'd screwed me around enough so i decided not to go. I rang and told him. Obviously he was angry.He went back to iraq and we continued to write but i had no illusions about him. Things went quiet towards the last month or so and i met someone else.I informed him about it and he said that he would still be here if it didn't work out.When he returned at the beginning of december he was texting me as he travelled back to camp on the coach, which surprised me as obviously he had been back in the country only an hour or less. After that we didn't speak much at all as he was aware i had someone else. When we did eventually speak he told me how he doesn't like relationships and will be staying single.The relationship with the other guy broke up soon after and when i told him about it he didn't really say or do anything till a week later. He sent me a text telling me he'd like to give things a go and that he really likes me a lot as well as apologising for treating me the way he did and that he was prepared to see how things went now he was home and settled. If we meet and things go well then he'd like to take it slowly. I was wary of this but also pleased.This brings us almost up to date. From just before christmas he was being very affectionate and texting me a lot. Even called in the early hours of christmas morning to wish me a happy christmas. I started to believe him.But my insecurities soon resurfaced and i couldn't help myself asking if he was really sure, especially when he went quiet for a while.On new years even they played up again when i said that i didn't like the image of him kissing someone at midnight. He said I had his word he wouldn't.Next night i jokingly asked if he had got a kiss and he said "I said i wouldn't ...do you need to ask?" obviously he was beginning to get annoyed.We began to argue and i told him that i could finish it if he wanted, his reply was "Fine! but what happened to seeing how it goes?" I gave him a long list of why...he blows hot and cold and i can't take it. He then said "Fine lets bin it then, i do like you but i grow tired of having to tell you that every day".We spoke the next day and i agreed that perhaps i should calm down a little and would try to. He told me he would speak to me the following day at the end of the chat. I texted him the next day with normal day to day how are you etc and no reply. Still nothing. 3 days later still nothing. I've not texted him since that day and don't intend to.As time goes by i'm starting to worry even though friends seem to think he'll be back because that's what he does.Any ideas or thoughts would be appreciated. And thankyou for reading this too long a question x
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we finally spoke. I played it cool and said "you've been quiet, are you ok?"
He said he was fine but just needed some time to himself.
It's a start i guess?
A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (6 January 2007):
 Maybe you could just drop him a text asking him if he's ok and how has he been. Doesn't need to be anyhing serious.
If he answers then keep everything nice and chatty if he doesn't answer after a week and move on and try to be strong if he contacts you again after that time.
Hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks Reebe for your reply
I'm not angry as such, just frustrated. I hoped that with him being home and he said it himself that we could really see where this could go now. He continues to blow hot and cold, one minute affectionate and then the next he barely talks to me at all. I'd love to wipe the slate clean but would it not be better to give him room and if he really does want this then he can contact me when he's ready? I have chased him a fair bit over the past 8 months.
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (5 January 2007):
I think this guy seems to like you and I can fully understand why he wanted to keep a distance why he was in Iraq. Being with someone in the armed forces is hard sometimes but not as hard as what they are going through. You were the one who went with someone else and you 2 have never committed to each other. I would wait a few days and see if he gets in touch, you seem very angry when in fact he was going to meet you and you called it off at the last minute. I'm sorry to be harsh but you have been a little unfair I think.
Text him and ask him if he'd like to wipe the slate clean and be friends again and see where it goes? Being stubborn doesn't get you anywhere.
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (5 January 2007):
I think this guy seems to like you and I can fully understand why he wanted to keep a distance why he was in Iraq. Being with someone in the armed forces is hard sometimes but not as hard as what they are going through. You were the one who went with someone else and you 2 have never committed to each other. I would wait a few days and see if he gets in touch, you seem very angry when in fact he was going to meet you and you called it off at the last minute. I'm sorry to be harsh but you have been a little unfair I think.
Text him and ask him if he'd like to wipe the slate clean and be friends again and see where it goes? Being stubborn doesn't get you anywhere.
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (5 January 2007):
I think this guy seems to like you and I can fully understand why he wanted to keep a distance why he was in Iraq. Being with someone in the armed forces is hard sometimes but not as hard as what they are going through. You were the one who went with someone else and you 2 have never committed to each other. I would wait a few days and see if he gets in touch, you seem very angry when in fact he was going to meet you and you called it off at the last minute. I'm sorry to be harsh but you have been a little unfair I think.
Text him and ask him if he'd like to wipe the slate clean and be friends again and see where it goes? Being stubborn doesn't get you anywhere.
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A
female
reader, hemé'oono +, writes (5 January 2007):
 cut your losses, move on. He seems to have commitment issues and you have insecurity issues. Granted, yours seem to be brought on my his actions but you guys mix like water and oil. It just doesn't work.
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