A
female
age
36-40,
*aetitia
writes:Dear cupid,I am 24 and my ex-bf is 22. We dated for about 3 months and everything was going great, until one day he broke up with me. We didn't speak for about a month after we broke up and recently we talked as friends. He opened up and told me that he decided to tell his parents about us and they put too much pressure on him by asking him all kinds of questions about us and when he is going to bring me over to meet them. Then he felt that things were getting too serious between us too soon and started panicking. Basically he got the "cold feet" and didn't sleep for 2 days after which he broke up with me. I really miss him and want him back because he was very caring and sweet when we were together. If I give him space and wait, is there a chance he might come back or should I just move on with my life and look for someone older and more emotionally mature?
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female
reader, laetitia +, writes (24 May 2010):
laetitia is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Chigirl and Xearo.
I also deep down refuse to believe that sleeping with him was the real reason, but I just don't understand how he could lose interest so quickly! He seemed so into me at the beginning of the relationship and now he seems completely moved on as if I never even entered his life. As I said, I don't think he has another girl, but I do know that he is flirting with other girls at bars and parties.
Xearo said "when you don't feel so hung up on your ex maybe then you can create an opportunity to have a talk with him, if he is willing to of course".
Could you give an advice on how to approach the subject? what should I say/not say and how should I say it?! I don't want to be termed as the "crazy ex-gf" and lose all chances with him.
He rarely comes on skype anymore but when he does and sees me online (I am always online, because I keep it on), he says "hi and asks how is it going?". He doesn't contact me otherwise and he is never online on weekends.
I am considering to tell him that I don't want to keep in touch anymore when he comes online next and contacts me to say hi, but I think that he'd be totally okay with it and that's not my desired result!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 I don't believe the reason he chickened out is that you slept with him too early. I don't even think you slept with him too early. My waiting-time is two weeks, and I've been in relationships where those two weeks weren't even properly respected. And those relationships got serious! So I don't for a second believe this has anything to do with how fast you slept with him. This is about his character. And what you need to learn, if at all possible (men can be so hard to read), is to distinguish who is serious, and who is a chicken. Your ex was a coward to be honest (with his cold feet and all he even admitted to this).
If you need to explain anything to him tell him that you don't date kiddoes, and need a real man in your life. A man who will proudly present you to his parents, never freak out and have cold feet, and take the relationship seriously.
Mature men are hard to come across though, I think I can read men fairly well, but I still can't say at face value if a man is honest and mature or not. It takes some time to get to know them, and you have to kiss some frogs.
If you want to wait longer with sex the next time, the only reason why you should do that, in my eyes, is if you don't want your number of sexual partners to rise too high while you are trying to figure out what type of man you are dating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): Give yourself some time to breathe for now and worry about yourself. I don't necessarily HAVE TO see other guys just to ease the pain but indeed, try to get your social life kicking again.
When you don't feel so hung up on your ex maybe then you can create an opportunity to have a talk with him, if he is willing to of course.
Btw sex after 2.5 months doesn't seem like it's moving too fast or something to ruin a relationship although I may be missing a culture aspect in the relationship. Maybe there were some topics that caused unrest so maybe you can reflect on that.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (22 May 2010):
 I slept with my boyfriend first day I met him. We are still together after 2 years and had never fought about anything or thought about breaking up ever. If he broke up after this it's his immaturity. Or it's something else. People break up when there's no way to deal with each other anymore, such as cheating, substance abuse/addiction, physical/verbal abuse, personality problems, breaking the law, etc. But this, come on! Your relationship with him was so fragile it's not going to handle anything more serious. You didn't make any mistakes. He did. You call having sex a mistake? Only when you are not using contraception. Only when you stick to rigid rules such as we can only have sex after the 3rd date, or 6 months, or after married, or after meeting parents. Sex itself, an expression of love, is never a mistake. Never waste any thought on him. Never let him affect your future dating. You are an adult. You decide what you do and when you want to do it. Anybody who tells you what to do what not to do, NEXT!
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A
female
reader, laetitia +, writes (22 May 2010):
laetitia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there, just wanted to give an update on the situation. So I tried to move on. I even signed up on this dating website, thinking that the attention from other guys will distract me from thinking about him.
My ex still remains deleted of my FB, but I have him on Skype. So last week, I blocked him for the whole week on Skype. Then a week later I unblocked him and he immediately tried to talk to me, asking if I went somewhere...and whom I've been hanging our with. He sounded very concerned. Then I told him that I was busy and logged off.
I think that I lost him because I slept with him too early (2.5 months into the relationship). Just two weeks before that he told his family about me. Had I not slept with him, we probably would of been still together and I would have met his family.
I will not make such a mistake again...with the next guy, but I am still very hung up on my ex.
I don't know what to do...I haven't asked him out to formally give another try as Xearo suggested because I am afraid of a rejection.
I want to explain the situation to him, but don't know how to approach it.
Any advice on why I should say to him or what I should do.
I can theoretically delete him from Skype and never talk to him again, but then all this will remain unresolved and will have me wondering what could have happend if we actually talked about it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (6 May 2010):
Look for someone more mature. Look for a man who can't wait to show you off, not a man who is scared of his own shadow.
He didn't sleep for 2 days? I find that so hard to believe, it sounds like he wants you to pity him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): Well he sounds great indeed...it would prolly be better to just ask him head on if he is willing to give it another shot.I guess I could understand that sort of pressure on a guy but not much isn't going to change when he gets another girlfriend so I guess he will have some growing up to do yet again. If he says no or isn't sure then just move on. Good luck ^_^
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A
female
reader, angelica111  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 Dear Laetitia,
I do think it would wise to let time do things. What i mean with time is, do not be on him all the time, kind of wait & see. You are both still quite young, and so much is happens during this age. Your boyfriend somehow does not know how to deal with the matter, so give him some time.
I think he does need to get things sorted out with his parents and be able to defend his private life and you.
It is a good thing though that you speak to each other every now and then, like about once a week. Even if it's just for an hour or so.
Being friends for the moment can help you both see the relatipnship though a different angle.
With time, you will figure out around when you decide to take up the relationship or not. This, you will "feel", and maybe he will too. It can take from a month to about a year, so have patience!
Good luck, Angelica
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (6 May 2010):
After he told you this, and your response was . .. ?
He really doesn't need a month to think things through. He probably thought he screwed up but wouldn't fight for you because to do this is to admit that he'd been talking shit. Move on and find another guy. Your ex can't make up his own mind and is too easily swayed. If he comes back to you to find that you are newly attached, oh well too bad it's too late now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): Well, obviously it was his parents who freaked him out but he's 22 now. He's old enough to start making big boy decisions and if the long-term isn't there for him, then you should look elsewhere. Plus, younger men tend to suck the big one anyway.
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