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He ended our friendship because I loved him as a friend only. He sent me a message yesterday after 3 months. Do I reply?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 May 2018) 6 Answers - (Newest, 16 May 2018)
A female age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Me and my ex guy friend have been friends for years. He started to have feelings for me and he did confess to me that he wants to be more than friends. However, i don't see us being together and i dont share the same feelings with him. I rejected him politely a couple of times. He was hurt alot. He told me he wanted to be with me so bad. \

A few months ago, i woke up with a message from him saying he can't move forward with the fact that he's in the friendzone and that its driving him crazy. He said he wants to move on with his life and that he wishes the best for me. And told me 'i love you' at the end. I was heartbroken because i knew that our friendship is officially over. That was the last message i got from him and never received anything afterwards. We haven't blocked each others he told me on his messgae that he can't block me since it's a childish thing to do.

I didn't block him either. I got a message from him yesterday (its been 3 months since he didn't) saying "Hi, what's up? how's life going on with you? I miss you". And i didn't reply to it because i was shocked for a moment. I don't know if i should reply or no. My heart tells me to reply because he was the closest person to me , but my ego tells me no because he was the person who ended the friendship although i understand why he did. What should i do?

View related questions: heartbroken, move on, my ex

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2018):

I suppose this is true. I am trying to move on from a similar situation as well and best to cut communications. It can only be awkward. I’m trying but my friend still occasionally texts. I finally did not answer the last and although it goes against every grain of my fiber in terms of being appropriate and cordial, it can only feed into what does not exist. My friend’s birthday is coming up and I plan no communication whatsoever. It will not feel right as I would want to greet any friend on their birthday but little choice here.

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A male reader, TylerSage United States + , writes (16 May 2018):

TylerSage agony auntThis can go one of two ways. Either the two of you continue being just friends OR you become a couple. If you refuse to be his girlfriend and he refuses to be just friends then there is a problem.

The two of you, unfortunately, have outgrown each other and need to move on with your lives. Your goals no longer match up with one another.

You love and care for him, respond to his text letting him know that you two can't be friends if he refuses to accept that you are not interested in a love life with him. You can still be "friends" but not the way you two use to be.

Let's hope 5 years from now he doesn't become the one you let slip away.

All the best.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2018):

Tell him that you don't feel like there is chemistry but that he's still an important person to you in your life. Tell him that you miss hanging out as friends. Just be candid about your feelings and don't do anything that might give him false hopes, that would be incredibly unfair.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI think you should leave the poor guy alone.

And I have to say I agree with Code Warrior and 123 - if anyone should have an HURT ego, it's him but he actually handled it MATURELY.

He took a risk by telling you how he felt and he respected your rejection as well. However, if he was any kind of smart he would have realized that trying to get back in touch is a no-go.

YOU two can't go back to being friends. It's just not going to happen. Because you will also be a little wary because he did develop feelings for you ONCE. It will always BE the elephant in the room.

And OF COURSE it's OK to reject someone you aren't romantically interested in but then you also have to remember THEY have feeling too!

Best thing you can do it block and let go.

HE made the choice to ALTER a friendship to pursue you and he made the choice to walk away when he saw it wasn't going to be a relationship. Now he might not be romantically interested in you any more, he might have gotten over you - but the friendship is dead in the water.

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (15 May 2018):

Code Warrior agony auntI agree with anonymous123. The ego thing does not speak well of you. He did everything exactly how he should've done it. You rejected him, he left you alone, and your ego is bruised? News flash, between the two of you, the only one who took a major ego hit was him, not you. You know, because you rejected him and rejection by someone you love tends to negatively impact one's ego. But yeah, how dare he express his love for you and then leave after you rejected him.

Yeah, why don't you reply and explain how your ego was hurt by his leaving after you rejected him for expressing his feelings for you. That should give him the proper perspective to move on and never contact you again. I mean, after all, he did ask how you were and say he misses you. Of all the nerve!

You know, an empathetic person might have a slight interest in how a former best friend might be feeling after expressing his love and getting rejected. But yeah, replying that you're hurting a bit and asking how he's doing might just be too much for your ego to take.

Are you serious with that shit?

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (15 May 2018):

Anonymous 123 agony auntEgo? For what? You said you weren't interested and he respected that and wanted time to heal. He was a good friend for years, he never bothered you when you rejected him and he hasn't been anything but a gentleman till now. Maybe he feels that he's now over his feelings for you and can have a normal conversation without feeling bad. Where does the question of you ego come into all this? Just because he stopped talking to you? What exactly did you expect him to do OP?

I can understand you not wanting to re-initiate the friendship because maybe you feel that YOU can't be friends with him for the ick factor, but not wanting to respond because your ego is hurt... Well that doesn't go down well.

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