A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We've been around and around this issue of his staring.It's blatant, it's bad and I'm getting tired of it.We took a mini-vacation together.Just the other day he looked at the bum of a young woman as she turned to the cash register at a gas station.Then on a tour we took together there was a young family and he had to make sure he got a good look at the face of the young wife that was with her husband and two young girls.We were at a restaurant and waited to be seated. We got the view of the whole room. There was an older blonde lady, nicely dressed, talking to some businessmen. She was facing us. He had to look at her. She caught his glance.When we ate at another restaurant where we sat at a table where a young waitress had to pass us several times to get the food for her patrons. He was, of course looking over at her, then glancing at her bum if she passed. Once when she was getting the food from the cooks she stood under an old clock. My boyfriend said isn't that clock cool which of course I knew he was just saying that to get a look at her since her back was turned away from us. Later, she stood at the end of the counter and she noticed he was looking at her.It's just so unnerving. He says I am the only woman for him and that he loves me. He talks about marriage. We've dated for two years. The first year I didn't notice this behavior--I suppose to woo me, but I'm noticing it this second year.We have discused this staring issue and he knows how upset I am by it, but I still see him doing it. All I have to do is follow his eyes. If he thinks he is being discreet he is not, because the other women notice him staring at them too. I feel like crawling under a rock. It's so embarassing to me.All these women are thin, mostly young and in super shape, flat tummys. I am starting to feel old, ugly and almost depressed.
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female
reader, hotmommanell +, writes (23 January 2013):
Two ways to solve this problem. The first is obvious. Leave his a**. He can look all he wants by his d*mn self. Second way, don’t take this a second longer. Tell him1) it is disrespectful to your relationship 2) it is disrespectful to you and you refuse to be disrespected 3) tell him if he does this again in your presence you will leave the scene, as in leave him and his wandering eyes there alone at the bar, restaurant, movie, play, wherever. I did exactly this to my husband. He has not dared to turn his whole body around to look at a piece of a** in my presence again.He railed and said he was embarrassed, swore up and down he wasn’t looking. I ignored that BS. I know he was looking and repeated it was disrespectful and I would do it again. You teach people how to treat you. Do not put up with this sh*t. Do not back down if he tries to turn it on you that you’re insecure, etc., etc. It has nothing to do with that. It has to do with RESPECT. If he can’t respect you, he doesn’t get to spend time with you and you want nothing to do with him. End of story. I don’t know what makes men think they can get away with eyef*cking everything in sight, especially with their women right there.
A
female
reader, ask_Jm  +, writes (8 October 2012):
I had the same guy for 5years. He did the same, he loves to stare at other women when we are together, it has been an issue always.
I know how you feel, every time he looks at other woman your heart is hurting. Listen, you are not wrong noticing this behavior, because if a normal guy accidentally glance to other woman without any other intention then its fine. But this has been an issue in your relationship, and I am pretty sure that your boyfriend knows that you are hurt, why he keep staring other woman? A loving boyfriend should be busy making her GIRL/PARTNER feel beautiful always, even there are many other girls around you, your man should make you feel that his eyes are set on you.
I know you feel a bit stress looking on the mirror asking yourself if you are pretty or not! Your man should respect you, love you as if you are a beautiful princess, no matter how long you've been together, your beauty in your partner's eye should be forever.
It's pretty obvious that I had have experience how you have been treated right now. Well, before I was with a man whom I felt I am very ugly because he is busy looking, admiring other women. Thank God, now I have a new guy, different nationality, he is awesome! When we were together, i was like the most beautiful and sexiest woman ever. Now we are apart and long distance relationship, even on skype he always tell me I am the only woman that captures his eyes, soul and heart.
Please don't let other people let you down, especially if it's your partner, keep him if he deserves, let him go if he is not worth it! Remember everyone has a unique beauty that a real man will appreciate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): Maybe it is a self-esteem issue, but the self-esteem is "because of" the ogling that is happening.
Over time ogling at other women in front of her would start to be tiresome and wear down any woman's sense of self worth.
I don't believe she wants attention all the time, but for him to tone down the ogling when they are out together.
It all comes down to respect. If the other females are noticing his glances, then yes, he is becoming too obvious and something needs to be said.
It appears they have discussed this topic before and she is hitting a brick wall with him.
Sounds like he is perving on young waitresses too, probably high school age with the tight toned bodies. That gives me the ick factor big time.
I think at his age he is not going to change. He appears to want to get married, but do you really want to put up with that the rest of your married life every time you go somewhere in public together?
Personally, I'd rather stay single then go through that mental anguish. Life is too short not to be happy.
Sounds like he has some issues and baggage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): Dump him' what a hopeless boyfriend'! If your getting down on yourself about it' wasting your precious time stressing about him looking at girls' get him out of your life'! Puhlease, he is rubbish and you deserve better than that! He doesnt respect - you need a real man who does' go find one
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A
female
reader, cocochanel27 +, writes (7 October 2012):
The saying goes, "you can look but don't touch". I don't think there is anything wrong with your boyfriend looking at other women, especially if he tells you that he loves you and wanna be with you. But, there is always a way of doing things they can be disrespectful. Having wondering eyes while y'all are out together and, you see him staring, but, he is trying to be discret about is so disrespectful and he needs to be checked on it. But, another issue comes in mind to. You shouldn't let these women make you feel worthless, not pretty nor get you depressed. You have to have confidence in yourself. Don't let this situation make you feel bad. If it is bothering you really bad then you need to check him, and if he doesn't chill out, you need to reconsider your relationship.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 October 2012):
 IF his eye-contacts with other women are flagrant and "over the top" then you have a reasonable gripe about him.... and he needs to be chastised and learn to understand that it is not only irritable (to you!).... but a sign of disrespect and lack of CARING about you.... so, really, tells you that he is an A*S....
IF his looks/glances are more casual.... almost incidental.... and YOU are "calling him" on them.... then YOU need to re-visit your reaction to them....
SOMEWHERE within that spectrum is the middle ground that the two of you might seek...
I've been there.... dated a girl who "told" me that I should not make eye-contact with ANY girl, at ANY time, under ANY circumstances.... EVEN if it meant that I, impolitely, diverted my eyes for individuals and couples when I encountered them... such as, while we walked along the beach....
In that case, SHE was "over the top"..... and, ultimately, it lead to the demise of our "relationship".....
You and "Mr" need to address this now... and see if you and he are mis-understanding one-another.... OR, if this (his behaviour) is off-base, unacceptable to you, AND fatal to your relationship, if he can't adjust/change it...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): Sounds like a self esteem problem to me. Are you feeling insecure in the relationship? As a woman with a partner who notices attractive women (as I and most humans do) I really don't see what the problem is. It sounds like you want all the attention all the time - I can understand that you might but I wouldn't want to be with a partner who needs my constant reassuring. Jealousy and insecurity are not attractive features. Either accept him the way he is or leave him. Should he really be expected to change just to keep you happy?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): I have dated guys like that. I mean it's normal to glance sometimes . I mean were all human. But the fact is if he is doing it all the time and in your face he has no respect for you. I don't care if a supermodel walked by a man in love should have enough respect for you to only be looking at you in that way. You should tell him how this makes you feel. Ask him if he would like it if you did that to him? Ikm not saying to play games and try and make him jealous because that just makes it worse. Just tell him how you feel and if he doesn't make an effort to respect you more and stop taking you for granted then tell him gdbye. Also men do this alot when they think that the relationship is secure and they don't have to try anymore. WRONG ! They always need to treat you right and if he is doing this now what would he do if you were married? Talk to him let him know your a strong attractive women and you deserve respect. Everyone does - men and women alike I would say the same to a man in this situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): Once i saw an older couple walking in front of me. A man probably well into his 50 was doing the same thing your boyfriend was doing. He stared at all women that were passing by. Mostof them were pretty, younger or dressed provocatively.The man looked completely insane to me. I walked behind them for quite awhile and was wondering about his wife that paid absolutely no intention to his starring. He even turned around and looked at womens bottoms. One day your boyfriend will become this old man who keeps on staring at younger women.He will never change. Some men are just like that. All men look, but some Are your boyfriends type, they stare shamelessly and there is nothing you can do.I was dating someone too once who was like that. I was in my early thirties, and he was 10 years older than me, yet he starred at really young girls, more like teenagers all the time. We go to the beach, and here he is looking at all of them, turning his whole body around. I was like you, feeling fat and ugly with him, as I wasn't a teenager, and though in good shape don't have the thinness and firmness of a teenage body. I mentioned it to him several times that I really don't appreciated the fact that he is acting like that. He told me he is just admiring beauty with his eyes, not taking any actions.I told him what about my beauty, you can admire that. He just laughed. I had to leave him, as it was getting unbearable. Once I noticed how two teenage girls started laughing looking at me, when he stared at them for a long time at the restaurant.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): He obviously disrespects you and continues to do this even after you had asked him to stop. I would not be with my boyfriend if he did this to me. Only you can choose your own happiness. Either accept it? Or find someone that doesn't do this to you. :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 October 2012):
 Yeah, he's ogling other women.
Don't take this as personally as you're doing though. All men look, but most men have the good manners not to make it obvious. Most guys can tell you that they are grateful for peripheral vision, because it's saved them from the proverbial verbal rolling pin!
Your guy lacks manners. I file ogling in public down with other public behaviors such as passing gas, scratching testicles, picking one's nose, picking one's ear, muttering obscenities a little too loudly under one's breath, pulling socks off and picking toe jam, biting fingernails and flossing teeth with them, and a host of other gross and uncouth behavior.
Tell him to knock it off and learn some manners, because it's disgusting and disrespectful. I guarantee that he'd hate it if you started flirting with servers, bartenders, and people you meet when you're with him. He'd get *pissed*.
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