A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a guy friend, let's call him A, whom I've known for around an year. He's nice, funny, very intelligent, respectful - basically, he's a nice catch.A month ago I started hanging out with him and a bunch of friends, all male - I'm the only female in the group and I'm basically one of the guys. You know the deal: they look at girls, comment how hot they are, tell the nastier jokes you can ever think of. And I go along easily.However, A started getting things to a more sexual side. Things like watching me while I eat an ice-cream, jokingly remarking about how good he is, about how I'd love to try, asking what I like in bed and with how many people I've been with, pulling my hair, a bunch of teases, all in private (that is, without people around).He's been chasing another girl, a very, very pretty girl. She has some issues (obsessed with her ex, goes from 0 to 60 in 2 seconds, very unstable and needy, not the brightest person alive) and has told him she doesn't want him, STILL she meets us every day and teases him (basically, mixed signs all the way, although she herself told me seriously she doesn't like him at all!)So we were together as a group today, and when I get home I have this message on my facebook:"Can I ask you something rather strange?"I answered "Sure, you know I'm not easily offended"A: "Would it be weird if you and I were friends with benefits? So sorry, please don't be offended, if anything, pretend this conversation never took place!"Me: "Relax! It wouldn't be THAT weird. Maybe a bit awkward at first. If told you that FWB have to be chosen carefully, because if things get out to the public, it's a pain in the ass! haha"A: "I was wondering if you'd like to be.. ya know, a casual thing"Me: "But can you even have FWB and like someone at the same time?"A: "She is making me die, I don't even understand what she wants.. I don't even care anymore, the offer stands"Me: "Why me thought?"A:"Because you're close to me, we get along so well, and I trust you. But if you don't want this, it's fine, let's just pretend this didn't haappen"Me: "The thing is, I'm not sure if I'm good (and pretty) enough for that " [honestly, I don't think I am]A: "Oh shut up, i couldn't care less. besides this isn't a relationship, is supposed to be fun"Me: "Well, I don't see why not then."I'd like to have a FWB relationship. I've ended a sexless relationship a couple months ago, and having someone who cares and that could give me the fun I need would be perfect.I trust this guy, he teases but he's a gentleman, but I am SO, SO afraid I'm not pretty/fit/good enough - I'm terrified of getting naked in front of him, as I'm 10lbs overweight and he is a very fit, handsome guy.I'll see him tomorrow.. What if he regrets asking me this?! I think I've dealt with his proposal in a very healthy, non-awkward way, but I am a bit clueless of how to proceed next.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 Be prepared to get very, very hurt if you get into the FWB. The guy doesnt give a damn about your feelings and he's made it clear he just wants to have fun. You on the other hand like him; if u didnt then u would never be as conscious about yourself as you are. Remember, one person always gets hurt in an FWB. Have u ever heard of an FWB that's been ideal? Plus, he likes the other girl and is probably willing to sleep with u only to get over his sexual frustration of not being able to be with her.
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Ask yourself this question and answer honestly: If he had written to you and told you that he had strong feelings for you and wanted to be with you, would you have turned him down and said that you were actually only interested in sex? I strongly suspect you would not, so why would you accept what he's asking for? He's basically saying, I want to use someone for sex because the girl I like doesn't like me back, and you'll do for now. I've been in your position. I felt insecure and ugly, and a guy whom I liked told me he wanted to sleep with me on a casual basis. I said yes immediately, telling myself that I was in control, that I could stop when I wanted to, but more importantly, that he would grow to love me and want to be with me if we started having sex. Needless to say, he did neither of these things. It was two years of emotional hell and I would never go through it again or wish it on anyone else. It took a lot of strength to finally break things off and get on with my life, and there was no closure from him at the end because he didn't give a shit about me. Please don't do it. If you are already insecure about yourself and your looks, believe me when I say that a FWB arrangement with this guy is going to send your self-esteem plummeting to lows you didn't think possible.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Hi, you sound deeply insecure and uncertain about your own physical beauty. For that reason, I would advise against proceeding with FWB with him.
He is handsome and charming and fit and also bold.
I fear because of your innate need for compliments and reassurance that you will be in a very lopsided sexual relationship.
I think, if I were you, that I would hold out for the guy who actually wants to spend time courting me and work on the 10 lbs that seems to be a sticking point. Once you feel great about yourself, you will attract guys who believe your own self confidence.
Plus, the chasing the other girl in front of you? Kind of tacky and shows really poor taste on his part. That sort of takes the gloss off his image, if you understand me. He's a seasoned player, I think.
I'd pass on the FWB. Tell him you had a think about it and decided that it would mess up a nice friendship. You just don't have the mental strength and self-confidence to cope with being sexual with an acquaintance, I think.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 May 2013):
 he will never regret free and easy sex with someone he likes...
if you give him sex you will care more and more and he will never care about you the way you want.
FWB only works if BOTH people don't care about the other one loving them....
if you sleep with him you will WRECK what you currently have...
is getting laid worth it?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Hi, why are you settling for FWB, I also suspect you have a major crush on him and hoping that it becomes more than sex. Honey, dont do it, you will get hurt. He is in love with another woman and you are sex on teh side. You will get hurt. WOman emotions are linked to sex, its just not sex.
You are making the biggest mistake. I suppose at teh end of teh day its your decision and sometimes we have to learn the hard way.
Dont do it, dont settle, you also dont want a reputation of being easy and available, the fact that he thought it was okay to ask you, he knows you have a crush on him and would accept this arrangment. Why cant you just tell him you want a full relationship and see what he says.
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