A
female
age
30-35,
*ias2011
writes:Well i need a little advice.My mom is very Bi-Polar(not actually diagnosed).She is always upset about something or shes happy one minute then shes cursing and yelling another.For example:we have a bishon frise(puppy) and he is locked up all day because we all go to school or work.Sometimes he uses the bathroom on the tile floor instead of his pad so when she gets home shes yellin and screaming and beatin him.Example 2:My brother is 21 and has been in trouble since day one,his learners liscense are suspended for 5 years and and he still lives at home.He juss got a job like three weeks ago and and doesnt pay a single bill.Every time my mom says something to him he thinks hes knows everything(dropped out of school in 10th grade) and and gets smart with her everytime.But me on the other hand i go to school make A's and B's every report card,she wont allow me to get a job although i've asked,and i was cheerleading until she made me stop.When i do something wrong she always comes down on me in the most sensitive spot ever(my weight).See im not that much over weight but i am heavier than my average height and and age(u know how that can b nobodys perfect).But i've been tryin to lose weight and and ive lost almost fifteen pounds already.But she is also losing weight so everytime we are on teh topic ill say ive lost over ten pounds, then shell say oh ive lost almost such and such(bragging like she has to compete with you u know?)...Then she made the comment one day that i shouldnt have no weight problems b/c when she was my age she didnt and she was skinny and this and that..But i never tell anyone what im feeling i just cry becuz i feel embarrased most of the time.I try so hard to please her and live up to her expectations but it seems that when things feel fine she drops a bomb on my head.Idk what to do anymore somebody please give me some advice.
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female
reader, dr.2.be +, writes (12 August 2009):
 I know how you feel. I grew up in the same situation. My mom had significant mood swings. One day she would be happy and then the next day she would be in a really bad mood. It was always tough between me and her; I had an eating disorder throughout high school and she felt embarrassed because of me. She would say the nastiest things to me and it really hit hard. She makes me feel like I am such a problem for the family and nothing I do is right. I know she loves me but she may have a problem showing it.
Things haven't gotten much better after I moved out to go to school. I have been out of the house for awhile and it breaks my heart because she never really talks to me anymore or wants to do anything with me. She will send me stuff for my birthday and holidays which I really appreciate but when we are together in person, i don't seem to connect with her at all.
I am visiting my family right now and its been really hard to deal with sometimes. My mom seems to always be yelling for some reason and treats me like I am no longer part of the family. I try to reach out and talk to her but she shows no interest at all in what I have to say.Most of the things she has said to me so far dealt with everything that I seem to do wrong in the house or how I always put stuff in the wrong spot or clean something the wrong way or about how I am a lazy guest and should show manners by helping her clean the house. She never asks me about my school, my medical stuff or anything I am doing. Yet, on the other hand my sister who is 20 years old still lives at home and is in college but fails a lot of classes doesn't seem to bother her at all. My sister doesn't do anything in the house and doesn't even have a job. But she is okay with that and talks about my sister in a positive way all the time to her friends. I on the other hand work, get mostly A's in all my classes, study medicine and very active in my community but she overlooks that and makes everything I do seem negative.
I definatley think that your mom, like my mom my be jealous of our accomplishments. Therefore they want to put us down sometimes. This is what my psychiatrist said to me and I think it makes a lot of sense. Just focus on doinng what makes you happy, for unfortunately no matter what you do, she will always be jealous of you. Study, work and have fun for yourself and you will become successful even if she doesn't support it. Keep in mind though, your mom does love you deep down inside. She may not show it but always keep that in mind and treat her with love and respect. I know its hard but you can be the bigger person in this situation and show the good strong character that you have.
Good Luck! :-)
A
female
reader, dezzboo96 +, writes (12 August 2009):
OK I'm 13 i feel the same with my mom.she got preg. with me when she was 15.she doesn't let me go to the movies wiff friend she doesn't let me have a boyfriend she doesn't let me shave.NOTHING I'm 13 i weigh 142 pounds yep I'm fat.i try so hard to loose weight but it doesn't work!!!! its sooo hard lol my mom when she yells at me she always say b***h and juzz called me every name in the book... i no how you feel i just try to tell my mom i love her and just try my best... but c my mom she always picks out the bad thing then the good thing trust me i no lol
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A
female
reader, xcharlottex  +, writes (19 June 2009):
when we criticise others, often we are pointing out what we think is wrong with us, we project what we think are our own flaws onto others. I think your mother takes things out on you to make herself feel better, as her life hasn't turned out quite the way she expected it to. She's being very petty, and we all do think that mothers should be the most caring, loving supporting people in our lives, n it's hard when we don't have a mother like that, but what we tend to forget is they are only human, like you or me. I think, apart from writing a letter to her to tell her how you feel (you can't really change someone, unfortunately) the next time she says something bad, instead of being upset by it (remember she's only pointing out the flaws she see's in herself) try to understand why she's saying these things, & dont argue, just agree & sympathise with her, (it's important to remember though that your expectations of yourself are the only thing that matters) if nothing else, this will atleast stop an argument forming. I am quite concerned about the pup too, maybe you should sugest giving it away, I know it's hard but for the sake of the pup (who's completely defensless) it needs a better life if she's beating him.
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (19 June 2009):
One thing you have to keep in mind is that your Mom is just a person, and she's doing the best she can with what she has. (I'm not trying to excuse her behaivor, I'm just saying keep that in mind) it's very difficult living in a home with an emotionally unstable Mother, I did as well. One thing I've learned is STOP trying to live up to her expectations because you never will be able to completely, not because you're not good enough but just because her expectations are way too high. Even if you do some things right she may not acknowledge that and may still complain about the areas that she thinks "need improvement." You have to do what makes you happy, impress yourself not her. Another thing to keep in mind is this: Your Mother loves you, and she means well she's just going about it wrong. She is giving you all the love she has, but unfortunately all she has is not a lot. Just be patient I know it's hard but you will be ok, and once your independent of her it will be a little easier.
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (19 June 2009):
honey go get you someone to talk to your perfectly fine so what if you a little over weight there is nothing wrong with that your mom is the one with the issue if i were you i would start living for me and doing what makes me happy and i would just start planning to move when i turn eighteen i think your mom is not happy and you are a easy target your brother just doesnt care about anything and doesnt have any respect for her he talks back thats why she doesnt say anything to him you on the other hand she knows she can get to you and that is why she does it she is a big bully and in the end when you go off to live your life and your family she will see the error of her ways iam sorry she made you quit cheerleading for no reason you will have to learn to rise above her pettyness honey and be happy with you with your grades you are destine for college and a good life just stay up and keep your head on positive things and ignore her vicious assaults GOOD LUCK LITTLE ONE.
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A
female
reader, finalgirl  +, writes (19 June 2009):
Dear kias2011,I grew up in a similar sort of situation. My advice to you is to find somebody that you can speak to about your feelings in person, like a counsellor or a trusted friend. Maybe it would be possible to try and organise a family conselling session
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): Your mom is just trying to hurt you-I doubt she means what she says. My mom is the same way she has depression and she has learned how to hurt me when she herself is hurting from depression. My mom has actually called me fat ( I weigh 125 lbs) and she weighs 230. When my mom is depressed she tries to hurt people like she is hurting. Please try your best to rise above her, what she thinks of you does NOT matter in the least. If you have not yet learned this, you will when you get older and life will get easier. Good Luck! and stay positive!
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A
female
reader, cherry cherry boom boom +, writes (19 June 2009):
your mom is just stressed out remember your mom will always love you no matter what so just talk to her tell her how you cause no one should feel like that in there own home maybe she is stressed at work, but yeah talk to her tell her to not insult you. This ya girl, peace.
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