A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't really understand this situation. I started talking to this guy online. We use to talk 3 years ago but stopped when he went into the army. We started talking again after New year i;m 18 he's 24 and he was really into me, gave me his number and we chatted a lot.I did give him mixed messages but no on purpose because some times it would be mainly talking about sex but then he would be the perfect gentlemen. anyways we would argue and make up.our last arguement was with him askin me to send dirty pictures. I decided to send them which was stupid as he had been distant with me for that whole week.we started talking again but as friends because I said to him that due to me being in an abusive violent relationship with my father when I was young, this has affected me with how I interact with blokes I really like. But it feels nice when I talk to him and I am falling for him again. His phone is always off... why?? He is in the army but he's back at home until March so I don't really understand why he's doing that.I apologised for not understanding how hard it was for him in training and I thought we sorted it out. I don't want to get too deep with him so I keep informaiton about myself very very basic. Is that wrong? When I do he talks about something totally random.I know it was unfair on him but I do like him and he knows that but he's not texting me back nor does he go on MSN any more. I don't want to send an email because that's jut deseprate but I don't know what to do, I just want to talk to him the most I can before he goes to Afghanastan to be honest.Is he giving me the cold shoulder even though we chatted for 2 hours about general things about his life for two hours 5 days ago.I don't know what to do. He tells me he's just waiting until he goes out in March. I'm scared I've messed it up too much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for both of your replies they did help me think. I decided it was daft for me to even fall for the guy and when i was 15 it was me who had decided 2 stop talking to him.But we've made up now and talking and just going to have fun. Both young and not that stupid.But thanks anywaysxxx
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 January 2009):
 I, like Emilysanswer, is an military wife and I agree with her 100%.
First of, if he asks you to do something you don't want to (dirty pictures whatnot) then for goodness sake, don't do it. YOU will regret it later. Dirty pictures can always be taken later when you are in a relationship.
Second of all, if he is deploying he will most likely try and get as much "ass" as he can. Lots of young soldiers detatch emotionally before a deployment and do stuff they would not have done otherwise. A lot of then act like they have to cram in all the sex they might miss out of for the rest of their life.
The fact that his phone is off could be hint that he isn't interested in anything serious and that he believes you want a serious relationship. He might not be at that point in his life.
The written word can so easily be missunderstood. So when things are "said" in texts/IM it's very easy to read more into it all.
If you want to say something to him, then write him an email, but don't expect him to write you back. He doesn't seem to be ready or able to start a relationship with you.
Go out live life, don't sit and wait for him to make up his mind or for him to grow up.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 January 2009):
This is not about you and "messing it up."
You met him when you were 15 so it's no wonder he ran scared. Now you are safe and legal he's flirting and will probably quite happily have sex with you.
However, it is highly unlikely that he will want a girlfriend, or that you will be the only girl he spends time with or talks to.
He's in the army so it's all about going out and having fun with his mates and "pulling girls." He also knows he's going out to Afghan and there is a good chance he won't come back in one piece. Even if he does he's going to have seen and done things that will change him forever. He's not going to want to be tied down to a girlfriend when he has all that to deal with.
My husband is a sergeant in the army and I know what the single guys are like, even the nice ones are just not in a place in life where they are looking for a serious relationship.
Back off and go out with your mates and stop worrying about this guy. It's just not the right time for either of you.
Good Luck!! xx
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