A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of almost a year is in Miami on a business trip and is coming home today. He has been in contact via text for the 3 days he's been gone, and since this is our first time really apart, I gave him some space and didn't overwhelm him...I let him contact me when he felt like it. But last night I was out and when I got home around 1am, I texted him, asking what he is up to. His response was to send me a recording (a loud noisy club with what sounded like a raunchy song playing) and his text said "This with strangers". I can only assume he meant he was dancing, etc with other women. I texted back "I see" and a bit later after no response I said "I'm good, thanks for asking. Good night." We hadn't been in contact since the afternoon, and I was really offended that he sent me this. And his first night there, he texted me saying he was going to the beach to ogle at some "ass and titties". We had joked before he left about all the ogling he will get to do there, so I took this comment as a joke, and didn't let it bother me. But now after these two incidents, I'm wondering if I am right to feel disrespected or if I'm overreacting. I don't want to be a jealous, possessive girlfriend, but I kind of feel that he crossed a line. What do you think? What should I do? And why would he do this? Testing me? Joking with me? Just being a jerk?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 July 2012):
 I think when he gets back you two talk like a couple of grown ups.
I think his "lame" attempt of humor would have been better suited for a text to a "bro" then to his GF. I personally think he MUST have been joking, but unlike you I don't know your BF.
And I think your snarky texts would have been better if you had been in your early teens.
So talk to him face to face. And honestly, honey.. Have some trust in your man. He wasn't going to FL to PARTY up, he was going there on business and it was only 3 days.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 July 2012):
 Personally I have found that men that admit to doing it are very much open and honest about it and NOT disrespectful...
I think he's been open and above board with you about what he's been doing and that's a good thing.
I think you are over-reacting. I think your text ""I'm good, thanks for asking. Good night." was snarky and sulky and childish.
when he gets home and everything is fine you can tell him how you felt.
I think you are over reacting.
but if you do be prepared for him to keep things from you that he thinks will upset you.
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A
female
reader, kjbc  +, writes (1 July 2012):
To be honest i agree that i think this is disrespectul after a year of being together wether he was joking or not i wouldnt have liked it. But you have been with him a while so im guessing he isnt always like this as im sure if he was you would know how to take him now. I think you should speak to him when he gets back tell him how it made you feel. If not he may act like this again and u clearly dont like this behaviour and he needs to know that. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 July 2012):
 Just because he said that he was dancing with people does not mean that it was with another woman, I think you are looking way to much in to this and making it to be bigger than what it is. He was in a club therefore that was why he probably never gave a long reply as he was out enjoying himself. Okay joking about oogling at other women is not very nice, but if you where both joking about it before he left am sure he never meant any harm. If you trust him then you should not be worrying.
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