A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my current girlfriend for a few months now, and aside from a couple of rough spots things have been going well. Those rough spots were pretty bad though...Once after a lot of drinking, she said I was "small" compared to her past lovers...of which she has had a good amount. She has since recanted her statement, and says I'm great in bed...but the dig was made nonetheless. On another occasion, she came home from dinner and drinks with a friend laughing and bragging about how men at the bar were telling her they wanted to "f**k her and use her", with no apparent flirting from her end.To top it off, early on in our relationship a friend of mine said he had met her in a bar just a few months before she and I met. They didn't know each other before that night, but he ended up with his hands in her pants in the bar, and all his friends watching. I haven't dated for almost 2 years, and he was surprised that I had ended up with the same girl that seemed so "easy" to him.She swears that she isn't the type of girl that does any of these things anymore, and that what happened with my friend was a one time thing. My concern is that it happened just a couple of months before we met. Has enough time passed between her "promiscuous youth" and now for me to trust that it really is the past? Or are the things that have happened during our relationship indicators that she is still the same?Any advice is appreciated...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): No, and time won't fix this. It isn't the past, she is still dealing with something. All indicators are that she is still wallowing in that and needs a lot of reinforcement from men to help her ego. You can't fill that space, nobody can. I'll repeat that "NOBODY CAN".
However, it isn't you that need this, she needs to work on it.
You don't end up behaving this was at a "mature" age without some problems. If you settle down, have kids, have a quiet successful life, then you really start to have problems that you keep hidden.
Read the following sources and then seriously consider what she is doing, just from what you typed here.
Alcohol Abuse:
http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-ACOA-Sourcebook-Children-Alcoholics/dp/1558749608
Sex Abuse:
http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933
Unless you want to be married some day, with kids, and reading these in intensive counseling.
Marital Problems:
http://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0060928174
http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503
http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Affair-Program-Together/dp/157230801X
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): A few months?
She might not being doing things anymore because she likes you, but don't kid yourself. She would certainly still be doing them if she was not involved with you.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Whew,okay I understand where your concerns are coming from. And I would keep my eyes on her. But unless she cheats on you or continues to say mean things to you when she drinks, I would try not to hold the past against her.I am sure you will learn within the next 6 mths whether she has really changed or not.
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