A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 11yrs old son became very upset today because he thought my ex-husband and I were arguing.This is what happend: my ex brought my son to the doctors to get his annual check up today at 1:00pm. He planned to drop my son off at my house at around 3:00pm and then take my dayghter to her vocal lessons which start at 3:30pm. This is his way to see them and spend time with them. I'm totally fine with that. However, he likes to do shady things such as check in my drawers and around my house when I'm not there. He was up to no good today, as he asked my daughter to message me to let me know that he will be done with my son's Doctor's appointment by 2:00pm and will stay at my house until 3:00pm before taking my daughter to vocal lessons. I was still at work. My ex knows that I don't like him in my house, so I immediately messaged my ex letting him know that I will get off work early to take my daughter to vocal lessons, that he can just drop off my son at 2:00pm after the Doctor's appointment. I arrived home at 3:00pm to find out that my ex hadn't dropped my son off yet...he said there was a delay. Hence, I left the house to take my daughter to vocal lessons. As I turned the corner a few blocks away from my house, I saw my ex's car drive towards my house.. I immediately knew what that shady snoop was up to.. but I didn't say anything. A little over 5 minutes later, I get a call from my ex cursing at me. He accused me of putting the chain lock on the door so he can't open it. I turned to look at my daughter and she admitted that she locked it with the chain as she forgot he was dropping off my son. I had to turn the car around to go home to open the garage door for my ex and my son. My ex was expecting me to leave again immediately to take my daughter to vocal class, not knowing that I had already called letting her teacher know she would be 15mins late. So, after opening the garage door for them, my ex goes into the house to sit down waiting for me to leave so he can do his 'detective' work. To his surprise, I didn't leave. The garbage company had just picked up the garbage this morning, so I took my sweet time moving the garbage cans inside, my ex was frustrated as he kept asking why I'm not leaving yet and moving garbage cans. I gave him a lame reason, that my neighbors don't like me leaving my garbage cans outside.. that caused him to become EXTREMELY annoyed and started yelling and bulging his eyes at why I would care what the neighbors thought. I was silently laughing inside as I knew he realized Im not leaving until he leaves and he was super annoyed! But because he was yelling like that, my son went to his room and started crying badly. He once again witnessed his dad yelling out of control. I felt extremely bad that my son had to witness that and I have to play mind games with my ex to avoid him digging through my things. An honorable man will know his place and know to stay outside while he drops my son off at home. He was NEVER invited inside the house, especially not in the rooms where he likes to go snooping. I've talked to my ex many times privately letting him know that when he picks up or drops off my kids, he should stay at the doorway or wait in the car. He doesn't listen and does shady things to allow himself access to my house. He forcefully bought gold fishes and a fish tank for my son saying he needs to set it up in the family room.. spends a few hours setting the tank up and every so often comes to 'check on the fishes'. He bought a computer monitor for my son and every so often comes into his room to 'check on the monitor'. How do I avoid this in the future? If only my ex knows his boundaries, him and I will not even need to talk hence no yelling!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2018): Get a restraining order due to the fact he is trespassing.Every time he breaks the order have him arrested.Change drop offs and pick ups so they are not at your house.Change all the locks on your house do not give the kids a key because he might make a copy.Any werid gifts he gives the kids stay at his house only.Go to court and get all of this in a order.easy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2018): Honeypie,I have told my ex husband many times to just stay at the door or in his car to wait for the kids. I have also told the kids to be ready when they know their dad is coming and as soon as he's here, be ready to go. No one listens to me and I can't be there all the time to enforce it. My daughter is older and she knows not to allow her dad into the rooms... but my son is younger and doesn't care, so my ex husband knows that he can do whatever he wants when only him and my son are home alone.I never wanted to fish tank or monitor from my ex, but as a father, I didn't want to prevent him from giving gifts to his children. We've been divorced for 9 years!! Yet he is STILL thinking that he has the right to make MY HOME his home! I've tried reasoning with him asking if he goes to his sister's house and freely roams into the rooms opening drawers and looking through her things, or does he sit himself in the living room as a GUEST. In my mind, he has already become a stranger!Asking my children to go to a neighbor's house to be picked up by their dad would make them feel awful. I would appear to be such a wicked b*tch, to not even allow their dad to come to their own house to pick them up. Adding locks to door would be an option. I'm weary on security cameras as I'm afraid someone can tap in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): BTW, you may get a discount on your homeowner's insurance if you have a home alarm and security system. The systems are very discrete, hard to detect, and will not go off if you have pets roaming the house during the day. You should contact a consultant, and have them suggest what best suits your situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): Very simple solution. Have key locks installed on your bedroom door, bathroom, and other parts of the house you do not wish him to have access.
You can also contact a home security company and have camera's set-up throughout the house. You can have the security system linked to your work computer, phone, and tablet, or laptop. Even your car.
Let him know that the house is secure when you aren't home. Also let him know you will be hiding cameras to make sure he respects your privacy when you're not present. Home-security is relatively inexpensive; and by the same token. you will keep your house secure from intruders and burglars.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (25 July 2018):
 Is there a neighbour or family member or friend who lives nearby, where your kids could go when your ex picks them up/drops them off? Then you could change the locks on your house and have done with his snooping.
It is a tricky situation because you need to protect your kids as much as possible from the battle which is still raging between you and your ex. As you have seen, the fighting is very upsetting for them and, the longer it goes on, the more likely it is that it will impact on their long-term mental health. Your No 1 priority needs to be their welfare.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (25 July 2018):
Your ex is not an honorable man so stop expecting him to act like one. Change the locks on your doors and do not give him the key. This is going to be a pain but you’re going to have to arrange your schedule so that there is no more dropping the kids off when you’re not there. He wants to check on the fish tank. Set it outside so that he can check on it same with the computer monitor Your daughter knew what she was doing when she put the chain on the door. Follow her lead.
You cannot control your ex’s temper. So there may be more episodes like this. Best wishes to you and your children. And I read the other answer you are not acting like an idiot your ex is. There is nothing idiotic about not wanting your ex snooping in your house
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 July 2018):
 This sounds absolutely nutters!
Personally, I would tell him that he can RING the doorbell and WAIT outside for the whatever kid he is picking up. And tell the kids the same.
If he try and use the "excuse" to check your son's monitor or ANYTHING else he has gifted.. BUY that item for your kid and GIVE your ex-husband back the one HE gave them. That way he has NO reason to come "check" on it. Have him come take the fish tank back. If he doesn't think you can take care of it without his help. He is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous.
And I would ALSO put a lock on certain doors to whatever room you don't want him in AND lock them on the days he is coming to see/pick up/drop off any of the kids.
MOST of all, you two NEED to stop action like idiots and have a TALK. Because as things stand your KIDS are suffering over these petty games.
PUT YOUR foot down and tell him, I don't WANT you in my house. I don't WANT you snooping in my things. You are NOT longer my husband and you HAVE no right.
If he can not KEEP to the boundaries and rules you set, I would suggest you find a NEUTRAL 3rd person where you can drop of your child/children and he can pick them up from there/drop off there. Be it a trusted neighbor, family member, babysitter or whatever.
I would try and involved the kids as LITTLE as possible in this petty shit. I absolutely understand why you don't want him snooping but you are doing your kids NO favors in poking at your husband.
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