A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: If you see a beautiful girl that you really like and she also attends college. But she tell you that she was force once in the past to perform oral sex by a guy she was dating. she said she end it with the guy immediately after that. These are my doubts, Guys would you date her and kiss her? Suppose you decided to date her my fear is that the same guy that force her might see us together and will tell people or his friends that she did oral sex to him although he force her
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male
reader, meganutts  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 First off the fact that she was forced would make me find him and lash him in the groan with a steel chain until I get tired and leave him there naked. Second, the fact of what he may say is last priority my friend. Regardless she was forced and him bragging on it only further proves it. But if I were with her, I wouldn't want her to feel like I hold that over her head, and I would kiss her. I would date and make love to her everyday if I could, if she would want to, whatever it takes for her to forget the trash from the past, I would do it. She's supposed to be important to you, not him.
A
female
reader, heatherisgoofingoff +, writes (24 June 2008):
I think that everyone has a past, and that she should find someone who cares about her and not be with a guy who obviously cares more about what others think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Is performing oral sex illegal in Jamaica or something?
I do it all the time, I see nothing to be ashamed about with it. Just be sympathetic to her about her having been forced into it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Ok, so she fought back, that's great, for what it's worth if you find that kind of thing important. I kinda understand that both you and she may be feeling a bit scared in case this guy turns up again. That's normal a sick violent Freak like this would scare anybody. Don't worry about that, there's nothing wrong with feeling a little frightened by the trouble that may be following this woman. It's perfectly normal, and many men in your situation would feel the same way. But it's been 3years ago, that's a long time, he's probably long time gone by now.
Anyway, as I said don't worry about those people who like to watch you and talk, people always watch and talk, they'll talk about this, they'll talk about anything. Ignore it, who care's what people think. Sous-sous people, with too much time on their hands and nothing better to do.
I hope you don't get rid of this girl, she's full of fire and sounds real nice. Don't worry about that idiot guy, just remember he has to get a knife and use violence to get sex, you just got to smile and the women love you for who you are. Your the better man, if you ever meet him tell him that and laugh right in his face.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to mention that she said she fought back and said she stab him on his leg with a pen and he get more angrily and she said he was stronger and he tell her that he forced others girls in the past and get beat up for it.
Reason she did not report it because doesn`t know where he lives. The reason I don`t get to beat him up or injury because She don`t know where he live. I tell her when she sees him she must point him out to me. So that he will face a grave conseqences. Rapist like those does not deserve mercy.Although happen 3 yrs ago we still have hope that I will find him one day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): No troubledtoomuch,
Nothing's happened to me. I've just seen too much and heard to much to let this kind of thing go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Another excellent, although angry answer by DiovanLestat. However, I think that she has a right to be angry over Mr anon's opinion. Hopefully, nothing this bad has ever happened to her, but I think that she is correct in what her reaction would be. Is it worth getting the crap beaten out of you to avoid suffering the indignity and hurt of being sexually abused? I doubt it. Both will scar you, but one will scar you mentally and the other will scar you both mentally and physically. OK, a person can put up the argument of STDs, but that risk is probably small compared to the almost certain risk of physical harm. Besides, after being beaten senseless, the woman would probably get sexually abused anyway. We can just hope that no one, man or woman, would ever have to go through this and have to decide to fight back or not.
To hold this abuse against the victim is completely wrong. Hopefully the people who blame her for her ordeal will eventually come to the realization of how wrong they are.
To the OP's question of would you kiss her. Why not. Do you have that reservation because she was abused or because she had someone elses dick in her mouth? If she did it willingly, would you still not want to kiss her? Again, why not? Except for my first wife, every woman I dated had given blowjobs to guys before me. I've never had a single thought about not passionately snogging any of them. After all, there aren't any of those little critters still swimming around in there. You show your age as 22-25. You are going to have a tough time finding a woman of that age who is a virgin, if that is what you want. Accept the fact that any woman will have probably had experience with at least one other man before you. Hopefully, for her sake, it will be willingly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Thanks for the response Mr anonymous, but untill your in a similar situation I suggest you reserve judgement about what you would and wouldn't do.
You think that laughter is the only thing that a man can suffer. If you think this your stupid and probably very young and know little about the world. It may come as a shock to you, but men can get raped too. They can be forced to give oral sex, they can be held down and sodimized or forced to do things that makes them ashamed. Abuse happens to everybody, men, women and children. Don't you have a television, don't you have newspapers where you are.
You think people should stand up for themselves, where did that get you when your ass was wipped. Did it stop them. Your lucky, your able to fight back. Try looking it from a woman's angle, when she's held down by a man much bigger and stronger than her. Go and educate yourself, read up on domestic abuse and find out just how powerless you can feel when a man repeatedly smashes your head against the door,floor or wall.
I'm glad you and your friends have yet to suffer this type of abuse, but I bet if you go back to them in 20/30years, you'll find their attitudes to the whole issue have changed dramatically, as their experience of life grows larger.
As you can tell I'm angry, I'm very angry, with you and with the poster and with any and everybody who tries to blame any woman or man who didn't have the strength to fight back. You would fight back, but maybe a broken jaw and a cut up face maybe worth the price to you to keep your mouth virgin. Many people don't have that luxury and prefer to keep their life and their looks, rather than suffer a lifetime of pain and injury.
I'm told that people use acid in Jamaica to cause pain and scaring. Would you suffer that just so you can say through your mishapen and swollen lips, "well I kept my virute and fought back."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Oh yeah I forgot. Only women can ever get overpowered by men. Who ever heard of a guy threatening and kicking the living shit out of another guy?
I did not think this girl deserved it or anything like that, okay? I have had my ass kicked pretty bad before too. Does that make you all feel better? Only I would never have given anybody oral sex to avoid it. And if a guy did give a full blowjob to another guy without even a struggle, then people would be laughing at him for it no matter how much bigger and more dangerous the other guy was.
I know it's different for women but I have met a lot of girls who would not have done it without a big fight either. That's all I am saying. I think people just need to stand up for themselves sometimes.
If I was dating this girl I would not think it was something to be embarrassed about. But it would bother me more that she didn't fight back than the BJ in the first place.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Hi Mr anonymous coward,
I see your a coward who is afraid to give his real name, but thinks he could stop a sexual attack. Yea right! Your so scared you can't even give your name, but you think you can give out stupid advice about things you have never experienced.
So you think that you couldn't be forced to give a blow job. Well lucky for you, that it's unusual for men to get raped, but it can happen you know. It happens every day and one day (I'm hopping and praying) it might just be your turn. I wished I knew where you lived, then I'd show you how easy it is to force someone to do what they don't want to do. I hope your woman (if you manage to find one) bites your dick of because an arsehole like you dosen't deserve one.
You keep on living in your dream world, you stupid piece of shit. I hope you never get harmed and abused the way many women suffer every day. It's men like you and the stupid poster, who make women frigid, and so frightened of men that they'd rather turn lesbian than suffer your kindly attentions.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 This poor girl was violated in the worst possible way and you have the audacity to push the blame on her. I think you have a lot of growing up to do, she does not deserve an ARSE HOLE LIKE YOU!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): If I didn't want to give someone oral sex then it wouldn't happen.
They could forcibly mash my face into their crotch but they still wouldn't get a real BJ out of it that way.
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (12 June 2008):
I think that the guy that really cares about her would grap her and give her one of the most soft passionate kisses ever and remind her that it wasn't her fault and there is nothing wrong with her. Also her would understand ANY hang ups she had with oral sex afterward. You are a bad man for even considering her dirty.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): You should be ashamed to ask this question. Why should she be judged now because of some scumbag in her past?
If you've got any sense you'll leave her alone because you're pig and she doesn't need yet another one in her life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): what king of person are you? do you know what it feels like to be FORCED to do that. that woman is amazing. you should feel lucky to date and kiss her. had that happened to me i probably would've ended up in an institution! don't be so vein!
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 This is crazy! What's her sexual history really have to do with it?? Forced or not, her performing oral sex does not make her a freak!! I don;t mean to be nasty, but how old are you?
Frankly, I don;t know if you're the right guy for HER....if you are going to have weird hang ups like you've described then you are bound to mess with her (confidence, self esteem, head etc) even more than the first guy did...even if you don;t mean to!
So my advice is to try and think if you can get past your own concerns (which I think are really silly - but still, they are your concerns)...before you enter into any r'ship with this girl. It sounds like she's been hurt badly already...and you wouldn't want to do that again so make sure you can enter into things with her whole-heartedly with no hesitations or doubts, and no hang ups about the past - becuase if you can't you should leave her alone.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 June 2008):
 I'd let her find another man, one who is more concerned about her than what people might think of him being with a girl who was forced to perform oral sex. It's going to bother you too much, I think, and it won't be fair on her. She's been hurt badly once, she doesn't need to be hurt again.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): I see your from Jamaica. I'm from the UK, but I have Jamican parents. I only have one thing to say......
Grow up man.... You want this woman, then take her. You want to watch other people then forget about women. What kind of Jamaican man are you. Stuff her history, that's all it is history. If you don't want her, I know there are many fine Jamaican guys that will snap her up and show her how a real man acts. Her past is her past, forget about it and show her how a real man shows a woman love. Don't be watching for Mr & Mrs Jones, they don't watch for you. Grab your woman and show her the sweet love I know you capable off. Make her forget the last guy and the way he hurt and abused her. It's your time now, so make sure she knows it, treat her good...... What are you, a man or a mouse who watches others before he eats the good cheese that's just waiting for him to eat.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 He forced her. What does it tell you about her? That she was physically weaker than he is? That he's an abuser? Why does that make her bad?
This girl is up for grabs, and you're still thinking what to do?
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