A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a question for the guys.. how would you feel if an old flame sent you a message on facebook? just to ask if they had the right person? (am pretty sure it is the right person) Would it be a shock to see an ex after 17 years? I sent a message to a guy I dated in high school and got no response. Its hurt my feelings a bit because I always remembered him as a really nice guy and we parted as friends. I am thinking maybe he is afraid responding to me will start something up again/ bring back memories?Could it really just be that he doesnt want anything to do with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): 'let it go. It's not that big of a deal. Really.'
Maybe not to you but I happen to feel a little offended as personally I would not ignore an email from someone I had had a relationship with, I think it's hurtful.
As I said I will forget about it but I just wanted to ask peoples opinions on how they would feel if someone from a long time ago sent a casual message because I know I would not ignore them unless things had ended badly and I didnt like them. This was not the case with this guy.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 June 2012):
 " He could not even say hi "...
Facebooker's mentality,lol :).You've done without his " hi " for SEVENTEEN years, so for the last seventeen years saying hi to this guy has NOT ( very reasonably ) been on top of your priorities. But, the first moment you feel bored, or wistful, or lonely, voila, instant connection. You think of him, so he MUST think back of you- and if he does not, he is a jerk.
let it go. It's not that big of a deal. Really.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 June 2012):
 Awkward. That is how I would feel. Unless it was a person I really wanted to chat with/catch up with, I would probably ignore it.
Hubby talks to his High School Sweetheart on Facebook. Doesn't bother me.
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A
male
reader, BillyRayValentine +, writes (3 June 2012):
I went down this road with my wife. She was contacted my an ex from High School on Facebook after 18years, it actually got innapropriate. At first just a little catching up then the emails got a little flirty him bragging about himself, and then she sent him a picture of herself in a Bikini showing herself off.She sent it then deleted him has a friend the next day and realized it got out of hand. This obviously has caused some major issues in our marriage; trust. My wife and I both had past sexual partners, heck get together at 30 years old your going to both have a past. Our deal with each other is old flames stay that way, old dead flames. Getting back in touch only has the chance to stir up old feelings, and sometimes one or the other ends up wanting more than just a hello. So why even open that door to begin with.So very well could be he's married, and the past is the past, leave it in the past. What possible good can come of it.Don't take it personal and just move on with your life.Cheers!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): Thanks again for your replies.
I just want to say that I am not interested in rekindling a romance, I just saw something that reminded me of him and its so easy to look people up now with facebook, I would be surprised if he thought I was trying to get back with him after all that time.
Of course I will move on and forget about him I just feel a bit hurt that he couldnt even say hi, its kind of ruined my good memories of him which is a shame.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 It could be he's married and his wife shares his fb account with him and he's not about to start chatting up with another woman, much less an old girlfiend. If he didn't respond you should leave him alone and move on. Not only is he probably not interested, but he is probably involved with someone else. That's the biggest reason I can think that a guy wouldn't respond to you.
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A
female
reader, MariaTrent +, writes (2 June 2012):
Whenever I get contacted by ex's, I'm always afraid they are wanting to start something back up again. It's awkward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): Thanks everyone, I appreciate your replies.
Its always hard to believe someone you cared for does not want anything to do with you.
This guy actually has hundreds of online friends so I do feel a bit offended..I didn't even send a friend request. Its just all a bit strange, a short hello would have done.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 June 2012):
Don't take it so personally. Probably he is neither afraid of responding, nor has developped bad feelings in time, he is just not interested in this type of strolls down memory lane.
Avid Facebookers can't wrap their head around it, but there are lots of people ( including myself, and probably your ex friend ) who don't have the least interest in bringing up faces from the past, they thing is pointless and a waste of time. Personally, I kept in contact with all the people that had some meaning and importance to me, as for the many others.with which I lost contact or we mutually drifted apart, well, it means that there was no point in staying in each other 's life, otherwise we would have stayed.
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (2 June 2012):
 He probably doesn't want anything to do with you. Chances are he has a family and a life that he doesn't want to complicate even by having you as a friend. I could see after a year or two but after 17 years unless you randomly run into them it is nothing that should be persued.
I second the facebook opinion of C. Grant. I don't have it because I don't want to keep in touch with people who never bothered to call over the years.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (2 June 2012):
 To be honest, that's one of the reasons I haven't signed up for FB. By and large I've stayed in touch with the people I wanted to, and am wary of the potential for contact with others.
There are all sorts of possibilities with your situation. He might be unhappy in his current situation, and is afraid of the complication old feelings might present. He might have a deal with his wife that old flames are off limits. Or he might have decided that the past is the past, and have sworn off nostalgia.
Give yourself a break and assume you have the wrong guy.
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