A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Guys: Can you be normal friends with a girl you find hot and wish you could sleep with, but know nothing can happen? Would you hang around and continue being 'friends', even though you never saw eachother out and only got on really well when being flirty...Or Would you get bored knowing nothing could happen anyway, and back off. Then possibly start ignoring the girl?or many girls been in this situation? This has happened to me and unfortunately I seem to have lost him as he ignores my texts and always seems 'busy' even though it took him ages to actually win me over?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): If I may, friends come in all sorts: female, male, whatever, gay bi, ,....etc. It is up to you to say what you expect in a relationship. If you 'like' someone....tell them. Since when does opposite gender mean horizontal tennis must be involved. We humans would not exist if friends between the genders did not exist. What I find interesting is your comment 'to win me over'. It sort of implies you were always interested in him. Were you? Have you ever thought about actually saying what you think as opposed to writing it on internet?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): If I may, friends come in all sorts: female, male, whatever, gay bi, ,....etc. It is up to you to say what you expect in a relationship. If you 'like' someone....tell them. Since when does opposite gender mean horizontal tennis must be involved. We humans would not exist if friends between the genders did not exist. What I find interesting is your comment 'to win me over'. It sort of implies you were always interested in him. Were you? Have you ever thought about actually saying what you think as opposed to writing it on internet?
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 Guys do not usually choose females to be "just" friends. They most often do their hanging out with males. The thing is this, a female could have a guy friend and NEVER intend to sleep with him. A guy might never intend to sleep with the female friend but he'll at least entertain the thought and would do it if he got the chance.
A guy hopes for the opportunity for sex and the female has the power to choose sex. She most often often does not choose sex which means she IS capable of just being friends. The guy is capable of being friends too but it's because he's figured out he doesn't have any other choice.
As a married man, I have females in my life. There are only a couple I call friends. That is because the have a bigger meaning in my life. The others aren't as important to me. I strongly believe that under the right circumstances a man will have sex when given the chance. Women decide when they will have sex and seem to have a better grip on control.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): Thanks for your posts, it's interesting to read different opinions, but it kinda points to the same conclusion..NO.
He only ever really gave me 100% of his attention when he was flirting with me, and hinting things. He used to try and get me drunk, it used to excite him in a weird way, maybe cos he thought if I made a move it wasn't his fault!
Probably doesn't help I used to talk about other guys, but I was kinda trying to get a reaction to see if he would wanna claim me as 'his girl', but I guess due to his circumstances he couldn't anyway.
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (30 November 2007):
To be honest with you,it's kinda hard because i'm in a similar situation.I'm in a LD affair and my girlfiend's in another town.There's this girl here that i like and just wana be a friend with benefits but she seems interested in a relationship and actuall seemed disturbed when she found out i'm seeing someone.Even for guys,it dumpens your spirits and demotivates you but over time you learn to accept things as they are and make good friends.In short as long as you have feelings for her,NO.When those feelings fade,YES.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (30 November 2007):
 No! That's why I make lovers out of girls I want to sleep with. That's my quick answer.
I do not make platonic friends out of girls I want to sleep with and here’s why...it sucks! How can you stand by be a friend to this girl you want to be with and see her bang other guys while all you do is pal around with her and hear about her boyfriend troubles? That's not how I do business. I always make it straight with the women I date...we can be friends and we can be lovers...but we cant just be friends without the other, I am attracted to you too much to fall into that category. If I really like a girl that way and I get the vibe from her she is not interested in going to bed I just back off and go elsewhere. I don’t need the stress. I just move on.
As it turns out I have had a lot of girlfriends who appreciated me as a friend and a lover. It’s better for my sanity that way. The big guy down there is happier too!
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male
reader, GreenTea +, writes (30 November 2007):
Guys: Can you be normal friends with a girl you find hot and wish you could sleep with, but know nothing can happen?
No. Guys mostly have guy friends because their easier to get along with. Girls are hard and tiring to have friendships with. Check out the ladder theory on intellectual whores web site. Unless he is dating someone better than you chances are he wants to date you or "be with you."
I'm in the same situation right now with a girl and let me tell you. It's wearing off. I dont have the patience to listen to the problems she has with her bf. especially since I feel it should be me.
The feeling towards her is starting to go away. Which is really too bad.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): I'm a male in this situation now. I developed feelings for my female friend. Even though we were really flirtatious with each other, it felt like I was always treading water and not gaining any ground.
I "knew nothing would happen" because I had previously been with her best friend. Moreover, I felt like she had friend-zoned me. It was tearing me up to be infatuated with one girl like that, so I moved on and started dating other people.
Since I'm in law school I started avoiding her calls and texts because I was legitimately busy, but also because I was trying to move on in my own mind. After about three weeks I overcame the intensity of the feelings, and now will text her back as a friend with no expectations.
The important thing to express to you is that your guy probably isn't trying to play games, just trying to get you out of his sight and mind if he feels that you are unattainable. Once he gets over his feelings for you, then you guys can go back to being friends. If you have feelings for him, tell him! You don't have to do it explicitly, but there are subtle ways of stroking a man's ego.
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A
female
reader, elliebellie  +, writes (29 November 2007):
hey! well im not a guy but this has happened to me before with a guy. first of all its good to stay friends. i mean its good to have someone else there if you fall out with your bf/gf. i would just be a friend and try not to be anything else unless the other person is hinting that theyre going to break up with their current bf/gf. for now being a good friend is the best thing.hope this helps. please feel free to mail me at anytime.elliexxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): What happens in situations like that is that he probably lost interest because he met someone else. I mean he was only your friend because he liked you as more than a friend. But as you may already know, interest in someone wears off after some time.
If he had genuinely liked you as a friend he would still be your friend. But he only liked you because he hoped that it would lead to dating you. But it didn't so he moved on.
I haven't really had situations like that just because I personally do not like being friends with guys who like me if I don't like him. Cause I don't like to lead them on cause it would be so uncomfortable if they tried something. I wouldn't want to have to turn him down.
That just happened to me the other day. Me and my friend were hanging out with this kid at college. And we exchanged #'s. But I started to get the impression that he liked me and so I started to avoid him. Not because I am a mean person I just don't like him in that way and so I didn't want to lead him on. I wish we could have been friends. But I think he wanted something more and I don't.
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