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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I just recently got a text from a guy who I use to chat with online. We use to talk all the time. One of our conversations led to phone sex and he told me that we would look good together. One day I noticed that he had closed his account. So I called him and he seemed really happy to hear from me. I told him that I missed seeing him online and from his response it sounded like he doubted me a little. I'm thinking that if I didn't miss him I wouldn't have called him. Well anyway, I really was surprised to hear from him. In the beginning I sensed that he may have had a problem with the age difference, even though he told me he didn't. He is in his twenties, and a couple of times he had corrected me because I said to him that I am a nice girl. So he said woman. He has told me that I am sexy and pretty and liked talking to me. But when we are texting he doesn't have much to say, mostly one word answers. I think he is afraid to express any real feelings toward me, and it's not easy to talk to him sometimes, and he lives far away so we haven't even met each other yet. I tried not to text him for a while and I guess he missed me. Is there any hope for a relationship with this guy because I am unsure?I am so use to guys losing interest in me even though they are attracted to me. They never want to date me or have a real relationship.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 August 2013):
 I don't think there's anything particularly " negative " in stating the obvious :
" sexy " and " pretty " refer to your physical appearance , which he likes ( as he could like that of dozen of other women ) and do not necessarily imply any deeper interest or connection. " I like talking to you " that's for sure, if you talk about sex what's there not to like. But, if he is lukewarm in keeping contacts / expressing himself / communicating at a deeper level, ...it is reasonable, not negative, to assume that he likes talking to you - in a sexual context, but not so much in other respects, and that ,regardless of your ages.
I understand that you might have been confused by flattering affirmations like " we'd look good together ", then again I guess by now you are mature enough that you can't take at face value everything people say,particularly strangers on chat lines. They may say things to get on your good side and have you do what they want, or they may say things just becuase it sounds appropriate without really meaning them. The litmus test , as always, is ACTIONS- and this guy has not taken any action to get physically closer ( arranging a visist ) or at least emotionally closer ( long conversations ), so... how interested can he be ?
If you want to call this " being negative " , feel free- personally I'd call it evaluating things rationally.
" I am a free spirit and I enjoy having fun with these guys "- nothing wrong with that, if you can actually act like a free spirit. I doubt a free spirit would get stuck on a particular cyberpartner and would be so concerned with the " loves me- loves me not ". A free spirit would stay in the moment and enjoy any experience for the fun and pleasure it brings in the here and now , without too many concerns about guiding the situation in view of any particular outcome.
In other words, if REALLY for you it is just sensual fun, by all means enjoy- but if you have to find yourself feeling hurt, anxious,rejected, confused - and having to write Agony Aunts about it- then please ditch the dating sites and cyberflirts, and go mingle in real life- there will be much less quantity of contacts, but perhaps better quality.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSome of the comments are implying that I don't know the difference between a guy wanting just sex and a real relationship. With this guy I only asked if it was possible that he might have wanted one. I didn't really provide all the details. We were both comfortable with the sexting, but he had problems with communicating on other levels and it was clear that he liked me a little bit but I was the one who didn't pursue anything because he is far away. The harsh comments about the younger man older woman thing are really not necessary. There is so much negativity on this site. I am not looking for people to agree with me or tell me something that I want to hear. The fact that I look younger for my age is a factor. They think I look younger and I never lie to them about my age. I am a free spirit and I enjoy having fun with these guys and they enjoy me. I already have guys as friends which is good for me, so that I don't lose my confidence in speaking to them.I've seen women who give up completely on men and it's not healthy.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (25 August 2013):
 I agree, I think you are choosing the wrong guys. Too young, too far away and you are going right in with the sex before you even met them...it's no wonder you cannot find a guy to stick with you.
Also referring to yourself as a girl? You are in my age range and I would not refer to myself as a girl, because I am a woman. It seems you are trying to make yourself out to act younger than your years to entice these guys and men ain't that stupid!! You will just end up getting used for sex and then they will lose interest.
Find men in your own age range who live closer and share some of your interests, that way, you can avoid the sex speak, whilst they get to know you a little better...and maybe one will like you enough to stay.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 August 2013):
 Are you only looking at younger guys? Maybe it's not you, but they "type" of guys you look for that aren't interested in dating.
Also, phone sex, sexting is not really a way to get to know someone... it's a way to play pretend/fantasy with someone.
Now if it's a person you are DATING I can see it being fun if you are temporarily apart but with virtual strangers? I don't get the point of it.
Figure out WHAT you want and go for that, not for toy-boys or guys who just want a little fun (unless that is what you want).
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 August 2013):
You say guys don't often want a "real relationship" with you, but apparently you're not aware that a long distance relationship Isn't exactly a "real relationship" unless you've been dating in person and the LDR part is only temporary.
Find someone close to you and you may have better luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): No this guy is soooo obviously looking for sex it amazes me how you can't see that? You go online and engage in sexual innuendo and think in your head that a woman of your age that a young man is looking for an older woman to have a relationship site unseen and then would immediately turn the convo sexual and what you think this guy wants a relationship? Marriage? Babies? Sorry as a middle aged woman i too dated a lot post divorce this one smacks me in the face and truthfully you should smack him and put him in a time out. You need to work on your interpersonal skills dont know much about your past if you were ever married and have children but honestly online dating is great but only if you can read into their intentions and protect yourself. I dated a lot from online dating for more than three years most were not looking for anything more than hookups or to help themselves cheat on gf or wives it is a very easy venue to disguise yourself so extreme precaution is necessary. I eventually found my Prince Charming on line but on FB we were in the same class back in middle school...wasnt expecting a relationship out of a cup of coffee with an old classmate that was soooo not my type, turns out that frog is an amazing prince. I wish you all the best, please dont get duped, develop your self esteem and your relationship skills have fun enjoy your life mr right will show up when you show up for yourself. Best wishes.
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