A
female
age
41-50,
*patchy
writes:I am a 34 year old woman, and a situation has occured that has confused me. A guy started working in my office about 6 months ago. He is much younger than me (24), and very quickly i noticed he had taken a shine to me, and was following me around, trying to talk to me and sharing his personal life with me and asking me to share mine. We got on really well, and i enjoyed his company.He is from Denmark and when his friends came over his mate told me that he liked me, but was too shy to make a move.We started to hang out together after work a few times, then on one occasion he asked to stay over at mine. I let him stay, and as we were sleeping he made a move on me, I was flattered and let it continue, however I stopped at having sex. He then exaplained that he is very shy with women and is inexperienced, he then told me about girls he has "pulled" or likes, at work everything was fine and we were still the same with each other, a few weeks later, the same thing occurred this time I decided to let it go further and he then told me he was actually a virgin. I was really sensitive about this and let him guide the situation as i didn't want to appear too confident or experienced. He wasn't able to perform and told me he was too nervous. He then held me very tightly and said how much he liked what was happening. At work the situation changed. He wouldn't talk to me or be anywhere around me, yet i kept catching him staring at me, after 3 days of this, i wrote him a note to tell him that i cared about him and not to be embarrassed or nervous around me, and that work wouldn't be affected. This slightly altered the awkward atomsphere, but he is now obviously flirting with my co-worker (who has been in a relationship for 8 years) and is trying to either hurt me or make me jealous, or actually thinks he has a chance with my co-worker!?and more recently has started picking on me about my behavior or traits which isn't necessary.I'd like to know what to do, as he is leaving to return back to Denmark soon in a couple of months, and i'd hate for us to leave on such sour terms, when we actually had a lot of fun. My personal situation before meeting him is that I fled a violent situation about a year ago, and this guy is the only guy i've allowed to get close to me, as i find men quite intimidating (he knew his about me) So his behaviour is upsetting me, but i am trying to remain professional at work, but part of me wants to confront him and clear the air.Any advice would be appreciated. Thank You
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at work, co-worker, flirt, jealous, move on, shy, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Hi
Honestly, I think he was trying to 'pop his cherry' with an experienced older woman whilst working in this country. He totally embarassed himself with his performance and has moved on to somebody new.He clearly isn't mature for his age as his behaviour shows,hence the silly games.
Just carry on as you are, don't make any effort to communicate bar professionaly. He will be gone before long and the problem will solve itself and save any embarassment trying to clear the air may cause.He was never going to be around for long, he's on a visit, so put it down to experience and move onwards and upwards.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Invite him to lunch or out for a drink after work where you can speak privately and talk to him about what you're feeling. I think he's embarrassed that when he finally got the chance to be with you sexually he couldn't perform. This is huge for a man's ego. So treating you differently lessens the pain. If he acts casual or ignores you it shifts the focus off of his penis and onto you, making you feel like it's somehow your fault. By grabbing the attention of another woman, he's further acting like his male prowness is back in tact. Perhaps a discussion will help, then again he may turn down your offer cold. If so don't waste anymore time pining for him. And just remember when he leaves to go back to Denmark the situation will solve itself. P.S. If he detaches from you before leaving to go back to Denmark it'll be less painful for him.
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