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anonymous
writes: I've met this girl 4 months ago and things are starting to get serious with her. We started living together and naturaly spending all of our time with each other. She is really a nice girl and I love her deeply. Just the other day she told me her dark secret that she thought she would not tell anyone, she told me that she used to be a prostitute and a glamour model (2 to 3 months ago)! I was so shocked that I told her to get out of my house immediately. She kept ringing me in work, sending me mails and saying that she is really sorry and that it's all in the past. I want to belive her but part of me keeps telling me to get out and never look back and the other part of me says that I love her and I should accept her past and try and help her out. What should I do? Please advise...
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 January 2005):
 Dear Please Advise,...in other words, when your girlfriend was just getting comfortable with your relationship and trusted you enough to tell you about her secret past, you blew your stack and threw her out because she shattered your fantasy of her being a perfect woman. Right?Sorry, PA, but you were in the wrong.Have you got any secrets in your past, PA? Anything that you wouldn't want spread around the pub to all of your friends, or splashed across the pages of the local paper? Of course you do. Everyone does. And your (former) girlfriend did too. The difference is that you overreacted when she told you about it, and you treated her like shop-soiled merchandise, no doubt horrified because she had actually slept with other men before you. Women don't usually become prostitutes for thrills, PA, and there's a pretty good chance that your ex-g/f was struggling to live before she stepped into that particular career. Did you ask her about that? Did you stop to find out why she started as a prostitute and why she stopped? Did you notice that her stopping was almost concurrent with starting a relationship with you?Right now you're torn between the relationship that you almost had, and your shock and disappointment over her past. But it is her PAST. If she's indicated that she's not going to work that job any more, then she's no different from any other women who's had a fair share of sexual relationships.I think, PA, if you really love this woman as you say you do, you should apologise to her for overreacting and give the two of you another chance. That is, since she still seems to want you. But for you to have any chance at a long-term arrangement, you need to learn to be more forgiving and less judgemental.
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