A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my fwb just asked me to meet up even though I thought it was over because he apparently had a girlfriend, he then explained that she wasn't his girlfriend and it wouldn't be cheating because they haven't defined the relationship. is it moral to sleep with him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): For me FWB is not moral to begin with. I never understood why girls put themselves in this situation. I kind of understand one night stands with someone you meet under circumstances may be and then it happens. But why to continue to be an on call and provide sexual favours for a guy without anything else. Women these days are trying to be equal to men even in sex not understanding that we are not the same. There is a big difference how guys look at sex and women. Guys can stay completely unnatached with someone who provides sex with them, they would have several partners at the same time just to be sure they always have an opportunity to have sex. Women rarely do it.
Doesn't it bother you that he doesn't find you good enough to be his girlfriend?
I am sure he is not telling his new girl that he has sex with you. Who would? But again doesn't it bother you that he wants be with her for real and with you just to relief himself?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 IF you want to have sex with someone outside of marriage and YOU are not committed to anyone else, then I have no issues with YOUR morals. Adults should be allowed to choose who and when they sleep with someone as long as it's not hurting someone else (like you can't do it in the parking lot at noon that would hurt others)
BUT if your question is whether or not HE'S being moral, well then the answer is more complicated.
First of all I'd assume he's only having sex with you because he's not yet having sex with the woman he deems acceptable for GF status. IF this does not bother you, it should. IT means you are good enough for being a handy penis holder and nothing more. Are you ok with that?
Secondly if he's having SEX with you while COURTING this new woman and telling her how he feels wonderful things for her but does not tell her he's nailing you, then you are helping him in his LIE of OMISSION... How do you feel about that?
Personally I think the person you should ASK, concerning whether or not you should sleep with your former FWB is his NEW girlfriend.... get her permission and then go for it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 October 2013):
 You will find plenty of people who will suggest that "FWB" and "moral" don't really belong in the same sentence or submittal....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 I guess it would depend from what he told ( or did not tell ) to the other girl.
Does she know for sure that he does not consider the r/ship exclusive ? And that BOTH are free to sleep with other people ?.. Or is she under the impression ( generated by his actions or OMISSIONS ) that , even in lack of an official title , she is his only sexual partner ?
I guess his point is that, until he does not tell her explicitely : we are exclusive, it's implied that he is free to sleep around.
But other people would see it as , until he does not tell her it's NOT exclusive, it's implied he is NOT free to sleep around.
There's the letter of the situation,- and then there's the spirit. The spirit would require, IMO, that the other girl would have the situation unmistakably clear .
Which, I bet she hasn't. I bet he did not tell her that they are BOTH free to sleep with other people- because most probably he wants to sleep also with you, but he does not want HER to sleep also with other guys.
So that would make his behaviour technically correct- but ethically not correct.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 October 2013):
 I agree with both aunties here.
They may not have "defined" the relationship, but him wanting to hook up with you for sex is not what I would call moral, or even a smart thing for you to do. That is just HIM wanting to use you as a hole to put his dick when ever he is in a dry spell.
Nothing "friendly" about that "relationship".
Walk away.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 October 2013):
 If he hasn't told her he has a FWB, then he's lying by omission to her. He's not disclosing a standing sexual relationship. So then he's not acting in a moral or ethical manner, if that is your question.
Do you want to sleep with a liar, go ahead, that doesn't necessarily make you a liar too but it does call into question your values and common sense.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): If they are not exclusive, then no it's not cheating, however it's not a good way for him to start off a relationship with this girl. This happened to me. I started dating this guy and we were in a couple months or so before we decided to become exclusive. I found out about 6 months later that his FWB thought it would be necessary to make sure I knew that he was having sex with her when we first starting dating. Now, there wasn't a damn thing I could say or do about it, but honestly it didn't sit well with me. He wanted sex and we weren't there yet. So, he found it with someone who he didn't owe anything or had any committement to. Kind of like a free prostitute. As much as she pretended to support him that he found someone he really liked, she actually wanted more from him then he wanted from her.I was not all that available to him and he was basically being very patient and waiting for me to have more time for him. He had not guarantee I was going to get involved with him at all. I didn't even think I was going to get involved with him in the beginning. Anyway, all I'm saying is it kinda sucks knowing what was going on, but what was most important was knowing that when we were exclusive, his FWB was over. If he's having sex with her and with you, well, that's a whole different story and he's just using everyone.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Is it moral? If you are worried about that, you should also apply those morals to why you allow someone to use you for sex?...Can't apply one without applying to the other.
Do some people have a problem cheating on their partner...nope.
Morals are not universal, you either live by morals or you don't.
If you do live by them, it's pointless if you only apply them to certain situations in your life.
Don't have sex with anyone who only sees you as an option because that shit will mess you up.
Walk away, find a proper boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): IMO I believe it would be immoral, unless the 'haven't defined the relationship girlfriend' knows he is sleeping with you and is ok about it, and you are ok about it.
Just the fact that you are unsure about where she fits in, in my beliefs, means it would be unethical for you to sleep with him.
What does your conscience REALLY tell you?
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