A
female
age
41-50,
*etwhatyousee
writes:hi, i am seeing this guy for past few years.. we stay in separate cities so it is not exactly exclusive but we aren't really seeing anybody else .. it is basically more sexual than emotional! we sex text a lot and such stuff.. recently he shared his facebook password with me for something he had to get done! now he hasnt changed the password maybe he forgot, and i being me.. snooped around on some of his personal chats.. i came upon some of his chats with his ex girlfriends (he had quiet a lot), the chats were more or less ok.. in one he was remembering their old time time together and what fun it was and they should meet.. nothin that really worried me! the worry/problem i have is that chats with these girls or maybe his other friends just almost always start with him calling the girls - gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, prettyone, sweets or something.. and he has never really called me like that.. its just my name or very normal! Should i read into this? wonder i might not be as hot as them? i am a little confused..
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ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (8 October 2011):
 Yes, GWYS, no matter how many times you repeat the "question", the answers to it remain the same.
Your only question - to yourself - is, How long will you put up with this treatment?
A
female
reader, getwhatyousee +, writes (8 October 2011):
getwhatyousee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everybody for their opinion.. Much appreciated!
M gona change a question a little (maybe should have written the whole truth at the onset) both of us are respectively married.. yes its extra marital! but did not want this question to be based on this.. I am not questioning about being the third person.
It's been couple of years since this is on.. we have been speaking almost everyday with breaks sometimes (even for months)... but we generally just lift it up from where we start. My issue is just the question i asked of if he calls his ex gf, or other female friends, family sexy gorgeous et al, is there a reason that he doesn look at me in the same league... am i truly not tat appealing to him or is it what you guys said that he doesnt have to keep these niceties with me.
I am in the bottom rung of his priorities, i am aware of that! Neither i nor him want to leave our respective lives to make our rela work.. we only meet when he or i are traveling for work and end up being in the same city (only once did we plan the whole meeting in other town)... We are connected indirectly through work, so we do talk about work, life, our family, movies, past etc beyond sex! Yes we have gone for dinner & a movie.. but ofcourse there are no gifts, no meeting with family & friends! Neither of us expect or get hurt by that! At the end of the day its mostly sex text rather than even as much sex...
I agree with most of you that more often than not, a woman in extra marital or FWB situation do start taking the man more than what the man has bargained for.. maybe i am too! Men has this (should i say gift/power/something) that can help them be objective about somebody who is not fully part of his life! i have seen it with this guy too.. on tricky questions he goes quiet, has no answer, maybe vanish for few days! Men have a knack to be able to keep things at distance whereas me or other women do internalise it & end up feeling hurt! i know all this.. but my question still remains what i asked at the start.. and i guess the answer that you all have given, will remain the same too, right?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 October 2011):
 OP said: "Just because I give n get sex, does it mean I don't deserve to be called pretty or sexy? You guys think I should straight off ask him the reason behind this? See it hasn't been all sex as well there have been times even a weekend wen we didn have sex(he couldn't due to medical reasons).. We hung around like normal people.. Stayin naked in bed in d night n cuddlin.. M I jus bein stupid?"
You are not going to get called pretty or gorgeous or sexy because you freely give him sex (even if you get it back in return) he has no need to stroke your ego and he does NOT truly care about you.
He has no reason to make an EFFORT to get laid. It's a given for him with you. He's not going to try. He does NOT care if you feel bad or not.
IF you ask him he will tell you "oh yes I care about you" but truthfully all he cares about is keeping his penis warm. You are nothing but a handy penis holder...
And cuddling...staying in bed naked all weekend without sex? ummm your still IN BED with him. Does he take you to dinner? Go out dancing? To the movies... have you met the family or friends? do you spend time with them? does he tell his friends, family or co-workers about you? are you part of ALL of his life or just his bedroom?
I am an old wise woman. I have been married tree times. I can easily handle a NSA/FWB relationship. My current boyfriend was originally FWB on the side of an open marriage. He LOVED to have me drive to his apartment for the weekend.. we laid in bed eating snacks.. cuddling, kissing watching tv doing nothing... BUT I did not matter to him. His friends did not know about me, his family did not know of me, I was not treated to gifts or dinner out or mentioned at work...
When my marriage ended and our FWB relationship morphed into a committed serious relationship (VERY RARE that it happens so don't hold out hope) I magically got gifts of clothing and jewelry and all of a sudden the family, friends and co-workers knew about me!
I'm sorry OP but YES you ARE being stupid. Stop giving him your body.. give him your mind only and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 Ladies realise real life is not a movie!! (I haven't seen the movie but I swear it's caused women to loose their minds)FWB are not boyfriends, I repeat not boyfriends all you are to them is a shag, I'm sorry but it's true - I keep seeing girls on this site asking why does my FWB not call me, not text me, not call me sexy, georgeous etc etc. When women have sex more often or not they get loved up feelings, they want more of that person they want more than just sex, men don't have the sane hormonal impulse - they can completely separate themselves.If these men wanted you, were into you - you would know!! When a man cares/loves about a woman he will pretty much do anything for you.I'm sorry
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A
female
reader, getwhatyousee +, writes (7 October 2011):
getwhatyousee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust because I give n get sex, does it mean I don't deserve to be called pretty or sexy? You guys think I should straight off ask him the reason behind this? See it hasn't been all sex as well there have been times even a weekend wen we didn have sex(he couldn't due to medical reasons).. We hung around like normal people.. Stayin naked in bed in d night n cuddlin.. M I jus bein stupid?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 October 2011):
When a girl puts out for him.... and "asks" nothing in return.... (rather the definition of "FWB")... then a guy can dispense with the polite niceties (you know, icky-sweet, schmoozy talk.... pet names and compliments and the like) that he has to use to get a more discriminating woman to put out for him....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): He has to work harder to get these girls while you give him what he wants without any thought about personal standards or him earning it. The more guys work for something, the more they want it and appreciate it.
A girl who values herself who makes him wait for sex until she gets a commitment will get the relationship. A girl who gives up the sex with no commitment will end up with just sex.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 October 2011):
 Because he gets what he wants from you without the compliments.
FWB has nothing to do with having a relationship.. it's about having sex with someone available whom you don't have to invest a lot of time and emotions in.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 October 2011):
It does not matter how hot you really are. HE DOES NOT SEE YOU THAT WAY. You are way more invested in this relationship than he is.
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