A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I think i might be caught between two rather exploitive "friends!"Being of a kind nature i tend to help rather than hurt but if my intuition is anywhere over 50% ,then i believe i have seen my situation for exactly what it is!It is draining to me and I welcome the chance to be away from this situation!Like a long running record I am bored and frustrated with the petty character assassinations and deceptions that are calculated!Why do i write this?Sometimes it is difficult to believe ones own consiousness in the face of opposition and yet it is the only answer that makes true sense of my situation! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (23 September 2016):
 Friends are the "family" we choose for ourselves. We can not only choose them, we can also choose to loose them if they are not "working" for us.
I too had a (very long standing) friend who constantly put me down, turned up unexpectedly and expect me to drop everything for her, gave me a really hard time if I had other plans which I refused to break, and generally took me for granted and treated me badly. One day I evaluated the friendship and realized I was getting very little from it but stress and anxiety, so I cut contact with her. About a year down the line, I feel so much better not having to worry about her turning up on my doorstep, walking into my house and treating it like her own, demanding this, that or the other, as if it was her entitlement. Toxic friendships are not something anyone should hold onto.
You deserve better. Go and find it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2016): People can only use you if you allow it to happen. Dealing with people requires tact and the ability to see things for what they are; not for what we wish them to be.
Giving of yourself is goodness. Sometimes you must go above and beyond, but there is a point of being foolish. Being drawn-in by the admiration of others. Basking in the praise and accolades for being noble and giving. Loving to be told how nice you are. It isn't generosity when the receiver expects you to give.
There are opportunists out there disguised as friends looking for a sucker. They're really not that hard to recognize; unless you're really sappy and recklessly naive.
If a friendship is only maintained on the condition you give, who's really to blame?
Being of good-nature doesn't require a person to yield to exploitation. That's a choice. Martyrdom doesn't require much discernment or self-awareness. You throw yourself on the alter and become the sacrificial lamb with no complaints. Real friendship is give and take both ways.
Don't cower in denial of what you see with your own eyes and hear with your own ears.
Once you feel the sting of deception, exploitation, and betrayal; stop giving and move on. Don't stick around to play the victim. Clean house. Rid yourself of blood-suckers.
Users shower you with praise, stroke your ego, and manipulate you through your need for approval. They prey on your generosity, and constantly test your devotion. You have to be blind not to see it, and a coward not to call them out for it. You can be honest with real friends. If you're afraid to shatter your image of martyrdom and sainthood by saying no; then hush and put-up with it.
Remember my dear, good-nature is not synonymous with cowardice, naivete, or being someone's fool.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 September 2016):
 Don't allow yourself to be caught in other peoples drama. Leave that in the playground where it belongs. Just do not get involved. If they try and get you involved tell them straight you don't want anything to do with there drama.
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