A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:2 years ago I worked with this woman who unfortunately was very lazy. She’d come in late and leave early. Constantly taking sick days when she was fine and was very argumentative.She has lots of verbal warnings too and had the company not closed down and us being made redundant she’d have been fired.I fortunately managed to find another permanent job, quite quickly. She struggled and was temping.We are friends on Facebook- but not actual “friends” - we don’t hang out or anything. My workplace is now hiring and she has applied. She sent me a message on Facebook telling me she applied and that she put down we used to work together so wants me to recommend her.Next week I know my manager will ask me about her. Now I don’t want to be horrible but I cannot recommend her - she would be a nightmare. I have to be honest with my manager but don’t know how. Financially she is ok as her parents (who are quite wealthy) pay her mortgage and bills so it’s not as if she will be without a home or anything if she doesn’t get the job.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2021): Assuming that your place of work has suitable vacancies at the moment the management won't take a lot of notice of any recommendations you make. I own and run a large business with a lot of staff, I often get a staff member pushing me to employ a neighbour, friend or family member and have learnt to ignore all of them. They always have their own agendas for it, they often recommend rubbish staff. You can tell when someone has been nagging a staff member to help them get a foot in the door and neither of them give a toss about whether or not they would be worth the trouble and money. Often it comes down to the person being short of money and wanting a job just about anywhere for money, no other motive, no thinking about whether or not they can actually do the job well. If your opinion was valuable you would be the manager or boss, not one of the also rans.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2021): Be transparent - at the soonest opportunity speak to your manager, or whoever is going to be shortlisting prospective candidates, and tell them you had contact out of the blue from an ex-colleague. I'd just tell them that she said she'd already applied but put your name in her application without consulting you prior, and you found out when she messaged you. You don't want them to think you endorse her application because you don't know her well enough beyond your old workplace, and while there she was frequently late, absent and from your experience not reliable. You don't know if she's changed, but by using your name to try and get an advantage in the hiring process you needed to be open and honest - as it put you in an awkward position where she wasn't just being judged on her own merits, but associating you with her when you barely know her and haven't seen her in years. That's pretty much what I'd say.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2021): Your recommendation may not carry much weight. Proper vetting and background checks of new employees would require your employer to follow-up with her most recent employer(s); and her job-performance and previous work-history would supersede any other personal-references.
She'd be better-off getting a letter of recommendation from her old supervisor. I think you should suggest that she do that; and politely back-out of it. I don't really think it would matter; unless you hold a management position at your current job. Then your recommendation would make you almost responsible for her hire. That could put a blight on your own record; because you knowingly mislead the company by giving her a false recommendation. If you were honest, you couldn't even vouch for her as a character-reference.
It would reflect badly on you to say one thing; while your old employer would contradict your positive recommendation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2021): Be honest with your boss - it’ll feel uncomfortable but they will thank you in the long run. As stated above, just state the facts, no personal feelings.
They won’t repeat to her what you said.
I once made the mistake of recommending a friend to work in my office, as a friend she was lovely but as a colleague she wasn’t any good - my workplace were after someone with experience in the field I was in (which she had) so I wrongly assumed she’d do well but she really had no clue what she was doing- making me look bad. In the end they let her go & she was bitter about it which drove a wedge between us & my boss wasn’t too happy with me seeing as he had wasted months training her.
Since then I have never recommended anyone to work where I work to avoid things like this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2021): To add to the advice given by 'Fatherly Advice': you could also say - factually - that the woman wrote in her application that she knew you but did not seek your permission before doing this, and asked you for a recommendation AFTER telling you she had sent in her application mentioning she knew you. Not that I am suggesting you should not trust your manager BUT, you never know, he may hire her on a whim and then you'd be left in a very difficult position if you say anything non-factual about her; a similar situation almost happened when my daughter's manager ignored her input re. interview selection on certain candidates - she didn't know the person he chose, but did say she didn't think it would work out well; it turned out he was an AWFUL employee BUT he nevertheless got on weirdly well with the manager in a way my daughter was never able to understand except perhaps the manager thought he was something like a younger, inexperienced version of himself and needed nurturing towards success.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2021): If you recommend her and she is rubbish it could end up reflecting badly on you. Suggest you are honest with your employer. Your loyalty is to them now. She is not your friend and you dont owe her any favours. You dont need to tell her what you said to your boss. There might be a myriad of reasons why she isnt chosen for an interview... better candidates etc.
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female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (13 July 2021):
 I would tell your manager that she has applied and is asking for a recommendation but you can't give because of such and such, as to her message I wouldn't bother replying, if she's not really your friend just ignore it, or say that you're not in a position to recommend anyone, or that you already recommended someone else before you saw her message, make up some excuse if you think you'll run into each in some other job later on as it's best not to colect enemies...
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (12 July 2021):
 FA gives excellent advice here.
In all honesty, if she was a nightmare to work with I would NOT recommend her AT all. I would tell her that you can't. She might get mad, but really... you aren't going to lose out if she gets mad.
I would be honest with your employer. That she had many absences and that you didn't feel she is a good fit for the company. Your boss is NOT going to tell her that YOU said she wasn't a good fit. They will just thank her for her application and that is that.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (12 July 2021):
 The best thing, and exactly what your employer wants and needs is the truth. Always remove the emotion and put it in impersonal terms.
She was absent many days. Not I think she called in sick when she was fine. just the fact not the assumption.
Not she was argumentative, instead say "she did not agree with her supervisor often."
As an employer I had to field questions when my former employees applied for jobs elsewhere. We had to be very careful not to libel any one But I could look at the record and say, " Joe missed 2 days last year" or "Jack missed 2 days every month last year." Solid provable facts. Stick to that and you will be fine. As a bonus your current employer won't think you have an axe to grind.
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