A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband went to the local shopping mall, and then a new restaurant on our date night a week ago.But before we'd gone the restaurant, a woman in her 50s approached my husband saying he owed her money - $500 in fact. He told her no, he didn't owe her money, but she insisted he owed her $500 from August 1998, and she wants it paid off soon, or he'd regret not paying it.She kept being insistent in spite of him telling her the statute of limitations for a debt had expired, and he pointed out that she'd forgotten all about the loan. But she was tenacious, truculent, kept pushing the issue, yelling at him in public; we had people filming him on their cellphones.My husband told me she used to be a co-worker at the pizza shop he worked at when he was aged 24/25, and that she always wanted to date him, even when he was with other women, and he hadn't seen her since 1998.Me and my husband didn't meet until 1999, when I was 28 and he was 25. He was new in town, and been in the area six weeks.The incident left a sour taste in my husband's mouth, he'd had no idea this woman wanted money off him, and thought it had been long forgotten (yes, he'd agreed to give her a loan of $500 at the time, but then she'd forgotten about it, IIRC).Luckily it didn't affect our monthly date night, and he was back to his usual happy self.But he has told me he's worried she might try and find out where we live or that, and he could tell she seemed interested in him, her body language gave off an uncomfortable vibe.Even though he'd introduced me to her as "my wife" and insisted he was in a happy marriage, she had a look on her face as if to say "Why can't I have him? She's not great-looking!"I'm no supermodel, but I'm not ugly; OK, so loads of guys didn't come after me, but I did get some male attention. I'm not obese, I'm physically fit, got a good personality.As it were, she looked a bit weatherbeaten, was a woman with red hair in her 50s, wearing a leopard-skin crop top and jeans, and she was acting younger than her age, trying to discuss TikTok trends with me and my husband. I felt it was a bit embarrassing and neither of us could relate.We didn't see her again after that, but my husband's a bit worried about why she wants to get back in touch with him after 24-25 years, especially after he had an email via his company's site which read:"Hiya... please meet up at the motel with me. IT'S IMPORTANT. AND DON'T BRING YOUR WIFE!!! SHE LOOKS OBESE!!! ISN'T SHE OBESE??? I'M THE BIG KAHUNA, SHE AIN'T! And get me some sexy lingerie, I'm 34C size for sports bra and probably an M for a black thong. Get me a Calvin Klein if you can."He showed me, it hasn't responded.We haven't yet got any restraining orders or anything as it's only been a one-time incident and one email, but should we do anything next or what can we do to be proactive about if she contacts him again?We have a happy marriage and are DINK, but this whole thing is concerning us.I've no exes causing drama like this, but then again, didn't really date many people before meeting my husband; he really is "The One" for me.My husband wants to know what should he do, and also, isn't it usual for old co-workers to fade into obscurity and forget about other co-workers?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (8 May 2022):
 I'm puzzled. At first you say this woman was alleging your husband OWED her money but, further down your post, you state he had agreed to loan HER money, which then didn't happen. These are two completely different scenarios. Which is the correct one?
I am going to work on the assumption that the first one is correct, that your husband OWED this woman money (which he borrowed from her, for whatever reason). If he did, then surely, regardless of when the debt was incurred, the sensible and morally correct thing would be to give her the money which is technically owed to her and take away any claim she has on your husband. Get her to sign a receipt saying this money is in full and final settlement of any debts your husband has with her. After that, if she keeps pursuing you, you need to threaten her with the police and legal action.
Your husband should not enter into any correspondence or dialogue with her. Get her email address blocked by the company so that she cannot contact him via his place of work. She can, of course, set up a new email address, but, if your husband does not reply to any messages, she will have no way of knowing if he is even receiving them.
As regards your last question, OH PLEASE. I absolutely do not believe she was "just a colleague". They obviously dated, or had something else going on while they were working together. You don't borrow $500 dollars from someone who is just a colleague. Just because your husband is "the one" for you does not mean he doesn't come without a past. Nothing wrong with that; most of us have one. What IS wrong is denying it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2022): Don't overreact, or panic. You can file a harassment complaint when people threaten you or become a nuisance. The woman is likely mentally-ill, and off her meds. If she finds-out where you live, and trespasses on your property, call the police.
Has your husband considered paying her the $500 he owes her? Once he has paid the debt, however old it is, what excuse will she have?
She has to be mentally-ill if she thinks she can just walk-up to a married-man and act as if his wife doesn't exist. You were standing right there! Strange coincidence she shows-up while you're both out together. Perhaps she has been stalking him all along. If you haven't heard from her since, it's probably over. Maybe she's back on her meds.
I find it quite odd she even recognized him over the span of 24 years! How did she know his company email address and where he works? Is your husband being completely honest with you? It just seems that the whole scene was a setup for extortion; and the email to his job is to let him know she knows how to reach him. Her plan was to scare him, upset you, and create suspicion. None of it makes any sense.
My advice? Let him deal with this mess. There may be more to this than he has told you. I don't think this is all about some 24 year-old debt. The way you described the woman's appearance, maybe she's a sex-worker who didn't get paid. Now she's blackmailing your husband. My guess is, she got what she wanted, and has moved on. Check your bank and credit card statements. He shouldn't have a problem with that, if he has been honest with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2022): You cannot get a restraining order against emails texts and phone calls just because you don't like the person. You need a lot more reason than that.
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