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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am writing this problem because i want to help my cousin out with a big problem he is having.He is a 2nd cousin, and although we aren't exactly close, i feel very sorry for him at this moment in time.The story goes like this.He met a girl and they got together, about a year and half ago. She is about ten years older than him and has 2 children. They live together in the north and although when i met her at a family wedding and i didnt take to her, i have nothing against her. But the problem is she is very jealous over him and what happened at new year was really brutal. (Or so i think)On New Years Eve, as his family live in the another part of the country where he grew up, he rang them up on his mobile to tell them he loved them and missed them and his girlfriend went absolutely bonkers!!She battered him and threw him out on the street.His mum, a good friend of mine, was absolutely devastated, as you can imagine and had to beg his girlfriend to let him back, as he had no money and no food. And, no friends to turn to. Its like she has taken over all of his life.He never goes out and she does, meanwhile leaving him to babysit her children.The big problem is, he loves her. Personally i don't see why but i may be biased.His mum wants him to find a girl more his own age, without children so that he can live again. But if he loves her, i can't see that happening.What we are worried about is that if they get back together, if he puts another foot wrong, she will do much worse than batter him and give him a few cuts and bruises.I wonder if you could give us, me and his mum any advice. As when she talks to him about it over the phone he just umms and aahs. Its like he doesnt have a mind of his own, and obviously as he does love her, its hard to see how he will break free if she does let him back in her life and it happens all over again.Hope you can help as his mum is very upset and we are both very concerned. Thank you
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cousin, get back together, jealous, money, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): He needs to get a back bone and get out of there. Easier said than done, i know, because I have been there, but in reverse. I married a wife beater and he made my life hell. I couldn't even keep in touch with my family and missed my gran and grandad's funerals because of him. They are control freaks and must be avoided at all costs. Just be there for him. Tell him your opinion but don't force the issue or he may just decide to cut you out of his life, mainly for his own safety, so don't take it the wrong way and always be there for him. But he does need to get away. It's always so hard to watch the ones we love going on a destruction course.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 im not sure how to reply to this as such as i have only seen something slightly similiar.. my friend was with her ex fiance for 5 yrs and she loved him and thought he was her soul mate ( he got her in a lot of debt but she was oblivious to it) we all wanted to tell her that she should leave him but we ddnt want to let the heels dig in (which may or may not happen) we were to afraid to tell her encase we drove her away we tried to help her when she asked for advice but.. with all people they have to make their own minds up about it..eventually she figured it out and got rid of him it took her a few months to realise how much she hated him for all the things he did and had done..we can only be their so much and give our opinion but at the end of the day its up to everyone to make their own mind up.. i know that this situation seems very bad on his behalf that you dont want anything to happen to him, the only thing that i know is that to be their and support him.. i know this isnt much help but its all i have hope it helps some what xxxx
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