A
female
age
,
*onel
writes:We got divorced after 21 years of marriage. After two years, I have now slept with 5 different men, but not one of them can make me have an orgasm, like my ex used to give me. My ex is a good for nothing except when it comes to sex. He won't have sex with me though if I don't take him back. How can I have good sex again?
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 Unfortunately, there is no litmus test that can be applied to tell you whether a guy knows how to please a woman in advance. You do not explain what your ex did that worked for you, but a skilled lover typically takes his time, applies ample foreplay, provides oral stimulation, is at least fairly well endowed and makes sure that you reach orgasm first. The oral stimulation (cunnilingus), along with skillful fingers applied to the vulva and g-spot, is often the missing element, in my opinion. If any of that is the case with you, then apparently the problem is: How can you know in advance whether a guy can or will do those things?
The only way I can think of is to ask. Once a potential relationship reaches a certain point, the issue of sex is usually discussed or at least mentioned. In my case, I try to tastefully reveal, whether by email or in conversation, that my lovemaking is rather wide-ranging, or in other words, includes many elements. If a man does not in any way reveal to you that he takes his time and enjoys providing oral stimulation, or whatever you are lacking, then why not ask (in a subtle way)? For instance, after several promising dates, most men would at least "hint" about his intentions during some upcoming planned evening, right? Here's one possible scenario:
Woman: "What are the plans Friday night?"
Man: "Well, after dinner and dancing, let's go to your place."
Woman: "Uh, oh (snicker), what would we do here?"
Man: "Ummm, well, if things go good, I should let you know that I like to take my time when I'm with the right lady, and I think that you're the right lady."
Woman: "What do you mean about taking time?"
Man: "I would make sure that we both have a good time - you first."
Woman: "Oh, and how would you do that?"
Man: "Let's just say that I like to use all my faculties."
Would that tell you anything?
A
female
reader, Tuatara  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 Unfortunately I think he wants to be perhaps respected a little more than to be used as a vibrator hun. Sometimes with divorce comes a new type of relationship - without sex! Are you sure your not still in love with him and regret the divorce?
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