A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so here is the background info... i dated this girl, well call her D. So D and I broke up five years ago, and she gave me no reason. Both of us moved on, which led me to my girlfriend of four years ago. But after the break up with D we became the best of friends, we could tell eachother anything, talk about anything. But it was weird because we still had the sexual attraction to eachother but never came close to acting on it. And the last year I havent spoke to her due to depression/ suicide/ anxiety of my girlfriend who suffered her umpteenth concussion. But the kicker is I still think about D, i still fantasize about D, I think about her everyday.I look at pictures and can't help but smile, I think I still have feelings for her but I can't tell if it's just me missing her as a friend. Do I talk to her and risk losing my girlfriend or do I make a wild decision and start talking to her again?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2013):
 If your current girlfriend is using her depression/suicide/anxiety as a way to hold on to you, then you should leave. If she’s self-injuring as a way to keep you, then you need to leave… she is emotionally blackmailing you. Never stay with someone out of guilt or fear. If you say you are leaving and she self-harms that’s not your fault.
You guys are very young… if you fear she will self harm then you need to tell a responsible adult like her parents.
IF you think about D like you say, then you should probably figure out what’s going on with D
The issue I see here is twofold…
1. Your girlfriend currently sounds like she’s unstable and blackmailing you to get you to stay with her and you don’t want to be with her.
2. You are not resolved with D and need to fix that
I’m betting when all is said and done you end up with neither girl but that’s just my old jaded ways talking.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 March 2013):
 If you resent your girlfriend for her medical issues, self-inflicted or not, (a concussion? don't you have to hit your head really hard to get a concussion?) it's time to break up. You are feeling trapped and controlled by your girlfriend's pathologies so don't let them control you any longer.
If she threatens self-harm, call 911 and get her the help she needs.
Once you are single, you are free to decide if you want to get caught up with the ex or not.
I think you are in the process of distancing from your current girlfriend, so I'd make it official. Maybe she'll be able to get the help she needs.
Your age is 18-21? So any of these relationships are from the teenage years… are you with your current girlfriend because you WANT to be or because you would feel guilty or worried if you broke up with her?
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