A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for a couple of months and we have the same likes in almost everything we like the same football team, we are both compatable in sex we like the same music and even the same candy if i wasent wrong i thought we are each others soul mates. everytime he or i would walk into the same room both of our eyes would light up and our hearts would race it was something we both never felt before. well he changed after finding out that i had cheated on my ex husband with his friends about few yrs back when i was younger and making stupid choices but i still hadnt met my boyfriend at the time. so now he is cold toward me wont call me or want to see me.. y is he acting like that? does he still want me? does he have some kind of man issues? what went so wrong if we seemed doing so well? if anyone can help me out here.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): you know what went wrong. YOU CHEATED & well he cannot trust you. and he knows that once a cheater, always a cheater??? he is just waiting for you to do it to him. whether you changed as a person or not during these years is something you can only try to convince him. why did you not confess to you cheating on your ex hb with his friends? would have saved you a lot of trouble. i think this relationship is doomed. your bf will NEVER trust you. nect time before someone invests in you come clean and tell them your past.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 January 2010):
The issue is that the minute he found out you'd cheated, he thought you'd do it to him. He had put you on this pedestal, and thought you were perfect. Then he saw that you weren't and it panicked him. You need to give him space. If he really loves you, he'll contact you. If not, he won't.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2010):
 He found out you weren't the perfect woman, that you were willing to cheat. This will have damaged his trust in you, as many people believe that once you cheat, you will always be a cheater. This isn't necessarily so, but it may be what he believes. Your image is now tarnished for him, I expect and he's upset and angry that you are not the perfect angel he had envisioned.
If he won't talk with you, there's not a lot you can do. Was this something you hid from him, and how did he find out? Did you tell him, or did someone else?
I would advise you to ease up on trying to contact him. Give him time to process this new information and calm down. If you are texting and calling him several times a day, stop. He knows where you are and how to reach you. When and if he calms down, he'll make contact. You could write him a letter explaining that this was a mistake you made years ago and one that you will never ever do again. That you would appreciate a second chance with him. Then keep your dignity intact by giving him the space to decide what to do.
I have to say that your idea of a soulmate seems a bit as though it was written by a teenager. Did you have shared dreams and goals, was your communication good before this revelation about your infidelity with your ex? Was there a mutual respect and understanding? Did he make you want to be a better person? I'd prefer to hear about those kinds of connections than about you both liking Hershey's kisses, candy and football teams aren't what longterm relationships are built on.
Give him a chance to process this information and have a very good explanation for why you chose to cheat ready for when he does want to talk again. Then be prepared to not enjoy his full trust if you do get back together.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (17 January 2010):
 Apparently, the fear of him losing you is too great. He now doesn't trust you. He is judging you by your past history, which isn't fair but common.
Your description of your early relationship is exactly how my guy and I are. We even joke around that we share a brain! When were first seeing each other, I told him I had been married multiple times....It caused him to wonder what was wrong with me that I had been divorced so many times. Fortunately, he gave me the opportunity to tell me story, and now trusts that I will stand by him, no matter what!
If your guy won't give you the chance to prove your faithfulness to him, there's not much you can do. If he won't talk to you, you can't convince him of anything!
I'm sorry that he is closed minded about it. We all have things we regret doing. There is nothing any of us can do to change the past. But we can learn from them and never repeat them!
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