A
female
age
36-40,
*etobe
writes:Dear Cupids, I have been engaged to my boyfriend of 1 year for a month now. He is great, kind, loving, romantic, hard working etc. etc. of course with a few shortcomings that we all have. Recently though, I have become obsessed with thoughts over my ex, who was also my work colleague. (I resigned from that job a month ago though so I wont be needing to see him anymore. He (my ex) follows my stories on social media, and we've had a casual conversation here or there via text. I feel that i am getting a high from him seeing my stories and in turn its had me updating my stories just to see if he sees them. I am now feeling like I still have feelings for my ex or maybe I am just high on the idea that I am possibly still desired by him. This has put myself in an awkward position because I feel like these feelings shouldn't be there especially that I am now engaged to someone else. I am sure some of you will say that I should block my ex from my social media so I can really move on, and if the role was reversed with my fiancee feeling/doing the same It would be uncomfortable for me. What should I do about this? and why do I feel compelled to still have my ex lingering in my life even if it's just on social media.Please help! Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2021): The more you feed your feelings for your ex with thoughts and information, like social media and talking about him with friends, the more you nurture the illusion. I have no idea what happened between you two, but there's one thing I know - your're not together any more. And that says A LOT. If he left you, he didn't want you, period. If you left him, well... there must have been something that bothered you. Maybe he didn't treat you well, maybe you wanted something more and in hindsight regretted it. That's just life. You can't know until you've actually lived to learn.You need to ask yourself and be honest how hay and satisfied you are with your current situation. And, also, what you are like as a person. I know people who are NEVER satisfied and are always on the lookout for someone perfect. Some of them are alone, some of them are with partners, but always thinking about other possibilities. Feeling won't go away until you stop feeding them, it's as simple as that. How you should go about it? As I said stop giving them food by staying in touch however you can and thinking about him. When the thoughts come just let them be, do not dwell on them or deepen them about think about "good old times".I've been married to a man I adore for almost 20 years and I sometimes still dream - real dreams not daydreaming- about one of my exes. When I wake up I have this feeling, a nice one, some sort of a longing, but I don't feed it. I do not spend time thinking about him , I don't look for him on social media or contact him otherwise. Those are conscious decisions I make. We have parted on friendly terms, but we haven't stayed in touch. It made no sense since when we're not together we live in parallel worlds. We met a few times by accident in the street -that's something that happens and cannot be controlled. What we can control and what I did control was my reaction. I didn't ask for a way to stay in touch. What would be the point? Honesty is the key. You need to know what you are really doing when you're doing it. Emotions come and go, how we act is what counts.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (7 July 2021):
 As is often the case with posts on this site, I have questions of my own. For instance, why did you and your ex split up if you still have feelings for him? What "shortcomings" does your fiance have? Do his shortcomings make you yearn for your ex, who didn't have the same weaknesses? Why did you and your ex stay in contact after you split up?
You already know what you must do. If your fiance is the man with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, cut the other one loose and stop messing about. If you are not sure about your fiance, then cut HIM loose and let him find someone who will love him completely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2021): Then why did you say "yes?" Just to get a ring?
You've got a bird in the hand, and one still in the bush! You're being deceitful.
Don't marry the guy, unless he's the one and only.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (6 July 2021):
 I think that if you are still having these feelings about your ex then you should not be engaged to your current partner as you are lying to him.
If you continue this you are starting at new life with your current partner built on lies, and this is the worst possible way to start any kind of relationship. I'm sure if you found out he was doing this to you then you would be very angry and upset, and have trust issues towards him as a consequence.
You say many of us will say to block him and move on. Well of course many of us are going to say that because that is the right thing to do.
If you are going to continue having these feelings for your ex, and posting stuff in the hope that he sees it then you should end things with your current partner as he deserves better than that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 July 2021):
 You know what to do. you don't really need strangers to tell you.
How do I know that?
Because you write:" I am sure some of you will say that I should block my ex from my social media so I can really move on, and if the role was reversed with my fiancee feeling/doing the same It would be uncomfortable for me."
Yes. block him and let him go.
Yes, if your fiance did this you would NOt want to marry him, would you?
It's a simple solution, you just CHOSE to not do it. Ask yourself why.
Your fiance doesn't deserve this. You are being disloyal and disrespectful even if he doesn't know it.
Think about it.
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A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (6 July 2021):
 I think we all wonder what might've been and tend to gloss over the bad things in past relationships but remember why you broke up with him. You probably just like the attention, I get it everybody likes to feel wanted and sometimes our current partner takes us for granted. But I would block him and move on with my life, by allowing this to go on for longer will only bring you more doubts and create temptation, if you don't mean to act on it, its best to cut it off noew.
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