A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello A bit of history. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. We have different cultures, different religions, and were interracial. At times it is challenging. I respect his culture but sometimes I do get a bit frustrated with it. In his culture men are superior. I am raised to believe in equality. So, we do have clashing moments. He will be demanding at times and talks down to me. Says, I'm the woman and I need to be "submissive ". If someone is degrading me , its incredibly difficult to allow that type of behavior. So I dont allow it. I do love him and most times it's good between us, I'm just not happy how women are viewed.Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2021): He was brainwashed by other ignorant people before him. And so on. It continued for generations before him and will continue for generations after him. It is sad and pathetic that men feel superior these days. Sad that they felt superior in the past and throughout history as well. It has taken years and years for women to be considered equal. In many ways, we are but there will always be an underlying inferiority for women, even if it is just perception. And I think that is the problem between men and women. Men think we are their sexual objects to use and abuse as they please while they are the superior sex. And we hate men for being arrogant, entitled pricks who are led around by their cocks. It is a constant tug of war between men and women. Women want men to be loyal and men have the inability to do so, because they feel entitled and superior. It is all fucked up. I say it is better to steer clear of these jerks and stay single!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2021): My ex is a Christian and was exactly the same . He would quote bible verses that talked about the man being head of the woman . The fact women can’t teach men etc . His religion was very patriarchal too
Notice I say ex . It’s intolerable being with someone who’s core beliefs say the me , our daughters and half the worlds population is second class citizens , at least it was intolerable for me
You need to decide whether you can tolerate this
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2021): I'm the OP
Once again, I DO respect his culture. I do NOT respect abuse.
Thanks your your advice
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2021): When a relationship becomes a battle of wills, it is incompatible. You have to be careful when you're judging another culture by your own nationality and standards.
More or less, you've written us to ask for advice on how to make him more submissive, or agreeable to your principles and ideology; while turning from his own culture and traditions. Simply put, you want to know how to change him? How to "westernize" him?
All relationships require compromise and adjustments. You're stretching it when you expect people to compromise their religious beliefs, moral standards, culture, and what they follow by the doctrines of their faith.
When you've become romantically-connected with a guy who is not compatible with your steadfast principles and beliefs; that's when you have to end it.
I'm a Christian. I will not compromise my faith or morals; or deny that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. God comes first. Our Bible suggests we not be unevenly yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14...The NIV says "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers." That means don't be teamed-up with non-believers. There is no compromise. Your faith and belief in the Word of God governs everything you do.
According to his theological ideology and beliefs; he hails from a patriarchal society. He'd be denouncing his faith, and he would bring dishonor or shame on his family to live contrary to his upbringing, faith, and culture. You live in a democracy; while he may have been raised in a theocracy. You're going to clash! Some things you will not submit to, or tolerate.
His culture, religion, and traditions are as valuable and undeniable to him as yours are to you.
Your faith, your human rights, and moral values are nothing to be compromised or negotiated.
Get a new boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2021): This is the problem with many religions today , they are patriarchal and state they the man is the head of the woman . Of course followers will try and twist this in as many ways as possible to excuse the sexism. They will say things like it ‘ just means women and men are different ‘ but no , a lot of the texts clearly stage women are not to teach men and are to submit . These teachings , besides resulting in silly ideas like your husband has , forget the old ways where women feminine was whorshipped as equal . They also forget that all these ‘ men ‘ writing these texts came from a woman Your partner needs to do a little research and understand I better if the mysogyny behind his beliefs and start being a little more of a critical thinker. If he can’t of won’t do that maybe you need to reconsider whether it’s worth wasting a life on someone who follows a belief system that see you , half the world and any daughters you may have as second class citizens.
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A
female
reader, GwenSilver +, writes (6 July 2021):
I dated a man that was from a culture where women cooked, cleaned and raised children and the men ruled the house.
I'm very independent and do not want to be a stay at home wife.
Most the time we would get along great but sometimes he said stuff that gave me pause...
Ultimately i thought, what if we have kids??
And that was the deal breaker that made me end it.
You don't want to be with someone who won't treat you as an equal, and ppl rarely change their core beliefs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2021): HiIt's your choice really, it will never change and with time and deeper commitment, like marriage could get worse. You may be strong now but in time, before you know it, you have become accustomed to this belief. You may always feel challenged and by his friends and family as well, I guess they have the same belief system.No human being is more superior than another human being and the sooner the world recognises this universal truth the better it will be to live in peace. Superiority is evil and arrogant and conceited, ego driven by false belief.No! not a chance I could map out a future like this for myself or my children and grandchildren. FREEDOM should belong to each and every human being, we are spiritual beings trapped in a world with warped perceptions and realities.You will not and cannot change 'belief' either accept been subservient or live free, 'real love' has no duty.Get out while you can.
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A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (6 July 2021):
 Girl, honestly I don't know how you can go on in a relationship where the other person doesn't think you are his equal. I think you really should think hard and long about what kind of future you're going to have in this relationship, if you dont already live together, when you do he's probably going to expect you to clean after him and do all house hold chores after all thats what women do, unpaid house work...Besides, how you want to see your children brought up? with what kind of values? when getting together with someone for the long run it's not just about how they make you feel but you have to see if you have compatibility in other areas and your life project is compatible.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 July 2021):
 You are not going to change how HE thinks or how his culture/religion regards women.
What you CAN change is within you. You can either ACCEPT that this is HOW he will regard you and treat you. OR you can decide if this IS a dealbreaker or not.
If you are not OK with this, then WHY are you with him?
Personally, this would be a dealbreaker for me. But you are not me. for most women, this IS a huge red flag.
There is NO way I would LET a man talk to me like I should be "subservient" to him. Like, I'm BENEATH him because I was born female. NO FRIGGING WAY. But again, that is me.
I think there are times were cultural beliefs just don't mesh. No matter how much you love other areas about him.
You say:
"I'm just not happy how women are viewed."
Like that is a minor part of life. I can tell you as someone who is in her 50's I can TELL you that you DO NOT want to be with someone who thinks you are "below" your partner in everything because you are a woman.
Maybe for now, while you two are dating this is not showing up as much... If you have kids or get married... YOU are fu@ked. YOUR kids will be fuc@ked.
There is also the religious aspect to consider. If you marry a Muslim (I'm guessing he is Muslim?) you would have to most likely convert. DO you want to be part of a religion that sees women and second-class citizens? You son/s will be raised IN that religion with THOSE beliefs and you daughter/s too... While you can put a stamp and influence how your kids are taught... he and his family will definitely also want a say in this.
Is this really the right person for you LONG TERM?
He can be a LOVELY person most of the time that doesn't automatically mean you two are a good fit. LONG TERM.
I just want to finish this by saying I hold no "hate" towards Muslims or any other religions.
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