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male
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anonymous
writes: I am due to get married in three weeks time to my partner of 4 years, but I have fallen in love with another woman who is my soulmate and who I feel for and care for so much. We have known each other for 6 months and since then have been talking about our past and our problems. In the last month we have become very close but neither of us will take it to the next stage until if/when we are together so we have not cheated on our present partners.She has also got a fiance and both of us are unhappy. Me and my fiancee always argue and right from the start of our relationship the arguements were frequent. Ten months ago she became very distant and lied to me about calling another man late at night, which she has recently admitted and apologised for. I have not been truly happy since then and did doubt our relationship would last and meeting this woman recenty has shown me how happy I can be. My fiancee will be devastated if we broke and up I don't like the thought that she would be heartbroken, but if I'm honest I love this new woman much more. What should I do as I keep thinking I need to call the wedding off, even though it would cause problems with her family.
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male
reader, uncle jay +, writes (13 April 2006):
Well mr you seem to young to be a husband,and unhappy.so the best thing to do is call it off. its not goin to get better and you sound in love with some one else so to save yous both the hastle just say you cany do it dont mention why just say your not feeling that way at this time and your wanna live a litle then try and get your woman you realy love before this spirals out of controll ... U CAN DO IT !!!
A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (12 April 2006):
 It is awful to feel trapped and in a position where the only way out is to hurt someone. You don't have much time either so you will have to do it quickly. My cousin did the same thing, but left it until the night before, which was very embarrassing and caused all sorts of probs with the caterers etc! Get yourself a plan, tell her and go somewhere to put your head down where you can keep out of the flack. My cousin's event is all forgotten now, in fact some of us were in awe of him because he was such a quiet formal type, not the sort you would imagine to create a scandal! I don't mean to be disrespectful but I am trying to show you that your perspective on this will alter with time. News becomes old very quickly and one day you may be telling tales of your mis-deads to your grandchildren. Your fiance will be happier for your action because she will find someone to really love her.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (12 April 2006):
 In these situations unfortunatly you have to be cruel to be kind!
There is no point in getting married when you know you are in love with someone else, it is not fair to the girl you are marrying and not fair to yourself.
It is better to call off the wedding than to call in the divorce lawyers a few months down the line.
Of course you fiancee will be devestated, and her family angry, but life goes on and I'm sure if you are honest with your fiancee she will see in time that what you did was in fact quite brave, you will have at least not married her under false pretences.
If you go ahead with the wedding and things go wrong, which they will if you are in love with someone else, the first thing your soon to be ex-wife will ask you is "why did you marry me in the first place then?"
Do the right thing and marry someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you might find the other woman gets cold feet and goes ahead with her own wedding leaving you high and dry, but that is the chance you take.
Honesty is always the best policy I think!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (12 April 2006):
 Don't get married. By the way, you did cheat on your fiance, emotionally. That IS cheating. You've been spending time with another woman, discussing private issues and building up some type of relationship while you cried on eachothers shoulders. That was the step in the wrong direction.
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A
male
reader, juttandmeff +, writes (12 April 2006):
Call off the wedding now. If you can't trust your fiance, and I mean really can't trust her, rather than using it as an excuse, then how long do you think your marriage will last? Yes, it will cause your fiance heartache, but you have to balance that against how many years of arguments and unhappiness?
As for the other woman, I'd take some care. In an unhappy relationship, it is always tempting to think that the grass is greener on the other side, and the fact that her relationship is unhappy too gives you perhaps more in common than you really have. I'd suggest a period of 'cooling off' before rushing into another relationship, or you may find the same thing happening again.
Its difficult, but I can't really see any other option.
I hope it works out for you, whatever you decide to do.
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