A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK,I have a few problems in my sex life, all of which I would assume are my own for not speaking up, but the main is, I'm in my mid 20s and I've never had an orgasm with any partner, by myself no problem, but I know the main problem is because in the heat of the moment, it's always been about their pleasure, and making sure they're enjoying themselves, I couldn't bring myself to destroy their ego by saying they're doing nothing for me what so ever, so I pretend...Problem is now I'm engaged and The sex is beyond tragic. Any suggestions as to how I can improve the situation, even though he thinks he's been pleasing me all this time? I've tried telling him what I need more of, but he just doesn't take it on board, I don't care about having an orgasm with him, it doesn't bother me at all, I just want to be able to go to sleep not wishing I was still with my ex for the sex.
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engaged, my ex, orgasm, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (3 February 2009):
 Don't fake it. Why not introduce a bit of role play get him to tie your hands up and convince him to make it all about you for a change. When he does something right make sure he knows about it, and when he does something wrong correct him.
If you can't get through to him, consider is it worth a life time of rubbish sex? If you really love him and want to be with him you may have to be blunt about it and tell him. Yes it will hurt his Ego, but once he does give you the pleasure you want his confidence will bounce back up.
A
female
reader, paranoid_sistah  +, writes (3 February 2009):
Your not the only one girl. Plenty of women are left to finish themselves off. Be honest with your man and stop faking it.
There is a difference between having sex ... and making love. Great sex between lovers starts with the HEART, feel it in your hearts first. Make that love Intense. Take it slow and build it up. The most sensitive sex organ in a women is her brain. In a man well... sticks out a mile don't it, lucky pricks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): It kind of hard to rewind on your faking/lying. Now, when you are making suggestions about what you need, he doesn't realize they needs because he thinks he already pleases you; he thinks they would be icing on the cake! I think you can either (1) take greater control during sex; or (2) purposely react stronger only when he does something you really enjoy so that he will get the hint that X is awesome and Y not so much (assuming he does anything right).
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