A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there , im 21 and have been going out with a girl for 22ish months.The relationship has been going on and off within the last few months, finding out firstly if i wanted to stay in this relationship, only finding round the corner that i really do appreciate her, and love being with her. Somewhere down the line ,( i lie when i say this , i pretty much know that she was still happy, until the day she wanted to go out clubbing with her mates and i made a big fuss about it)the table had turned which now feels like a complete role reversal. She now wants to break off. Yes shes 18, hasn't been single in years, so naturally she will pursue that rush of being single. The relationship had seemed to dull up till then, and she felt the threat of stepping the relationship up with thoughts of moving in when she comes to uni here. All this considered, on top, her A-levels are round the corner now , and she cant deal with a high maintenance relationship (we made unnecessary efforts to see each other, one way or another sacrificing things we wanted ie. going down to spend time together instead of going out to her mates party, or doing work, and then thinking if it was worth coming down). I always expected things from her after i did things, i was thinking so selfishly. I appreciate and will try so hard to give her the space and not worry about having to see each other, but i feel that shes seriously confusing being single with just wanting space in the relationship, taking it easier, more free flowing like at the start.If it comes to it , i will accept her breaking off, but i would need to know that she would come back after her exams, and maybe even start over. I don't want to lose someone , just because they feel that if they want to come back to me , they cant for fearing that it will only carry on the way it finished. HELP!!! I hope this is as detailed as needed.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): Well, in response to this,We met up on wednesday to sort this out once and for all, and as you said, we were brutally honest with each other, so here goes. I listened so hard to the things she said, and we fell into the topic of 'things she hated about me' it was believed that the first time i broke off with her, she never forgave me for that, but still took me back . We agreed that we were to have space from then on, even tho i pushed my feelings and kept asking that we could still be together. Eventually she fell into tears, and i gave in , and accepted that i would need to give her space. 4 hours later, before my night out , i received a phone call from her saying she wanted me back, Excellent!!I was a little drunk and cud have said something wrong , but for the most of it, it worked out great, she txt after saying she cudnt believe she nearly lost me, and that did i still want to see her dance on sunday.The next day i txt her mid-day to say thankyou for her calling and that she shudnt worry about seeing me on sunday , as i didnt want to push my luck to see her ( mothers day). She hasnt replied since and is now visiting a university. Is this space that she needed or has something gone terribly wrong ?
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (13 March 2007):
 Wow, you have a lot going on dont you?
You cant expect her to come back after her exams, she may not want to.
At your age, relationships are confusing. It takes a while to get the right one, and she may not be it. It also seems to me, that its a case of you didnt know what you had till the threat of losing your relationship. You need to get together and ask her what she wants from you, and you need to do the same. If she needs the space, then give it to her. She will only leave you completly if you dont.
Being straight with each other is the only way ahead. You can then decide on your future.
I wish you the best XX
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