A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I was helping my GF to get rid of laptop software problems. I told her there might be some malware on it and it hence needs to be scanned. She got a nervous about that and after digging deeper I found out she was watching some porn on the web and probably downloaded stuff as well. She felt guilty and a bit defensive. I just made a joke about it, slagged her a bit and then did not mention it after that. I am not surprised that she did watch it. I think its ok for her to do that but her feeling guilty and trying then to hide it from me and never talking about it again raises doubts in my head. Does it reflect badly on me that she wants to watch porn or it means somehow that I am not satisfying her needs? We have broken up recently but this event happened nearly 6 months ago and I trying to figure out if it was a warning sign.
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (16 July 2013):
You missed a big opportunity to watch it with her and find out more about what she likes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013): Masturbation can be a very private thing for some people OP, it's more a reflection of that than a reflection on you. Women still aren't "supposed" to watch porn as it's "filthy", "degrading" etc. and it may make them look like slags.
The only thing it's a sign of is her liking porn, nothing else. Maybe she flicks the bean when she watches it or maybe not. Both me an my fiancée watch porn. It means nothing.
Think of it this way OP, it's kind of like finding your mothers vibrator or your mom catching you having a wank. It's just an awkward topic to discuss and the embarrassment factor is quite high.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 July 2013):
 My guess is that she was deeply embarrassed. I wouldn't think too much beyond that.
If she was very embarrassed and you joked about it then slagged her off about it (even for a tiny bit) that probably didn't raise your standing in her eyes.
Maybe if you'd said something like, 'sorry for getting into private entertainment here, forget I saw it, haha' maybe that would have been a more tactful way to handle her embarrassment.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 July 2013):
 No, it didn't have anything to do with you. Her hiding it and being nervous about it just tells me that she's been shamed for it in the past. Probably someone she cared about told her it was slutty or "bad" to watch porn. And because of this she's nervous and embarrassed. She was probably taught that it wasn't good for girls to watch porn. But that just says something about her, her experiences, and her relationship with porn. Doesn't say anything about her relationship with you.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (14 July 2013):
 I don't think there's another single topic that has taken up more space on DC than this one. Do a search -- there's been a ton of fabulous insight shared.
My take -- her reaction stemmed from attempting to discuss something that's very personal and private. Not everyone is open to discussing their masturbation habits. If your sex life was satisfactory then she probably wasn't using porn/masturbation to compensate for any shortcomings you might have had.
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