A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I am doing no contact with my ex but he keeps coming into my work. I am so mad with him for what he did to me I don't think I can ever forgive him. We have split up once before and he would not stop ringing my fone for weeks and then eventually I answered and ended up taking him back. He totally changed towards me saying how much he missed me and it showed in his actions. At the time I was so happy I actually love this guy. Everything was going great then day I found out I was pregnant I was in shock and to be honest I was nervious about telling him. I wanted to meet him face to face and tell him so I did and he seemed happy saying no matter what you want to do I'll be here we were quite emotional he said we need to have a really good talk tonight when we finish work and he's guna have to change and grow up and would not stop smilling. Then that night he messaged me and asked me what I was thinking I said I want to keep it I do not agree with abortions and at the end of the day we have both done this and its our responsibility. He totally changed his tune and said he didn't want me to keep the baby he's not ready he's not in a good place right now and he is in debt and can not afford to bring a child up and also he's had trouble in the past with certain people and does not want anything to happen to me or the baby. I told him I would do it on my own there is no chance I am going to have an abortion, all that week we was arguing things got said to eachother because we were so annoyed. He told me it was just sex between us I was absolutely devastated. Looking back now I do not believe he ment this because everyone new we was together and spent everyday with each other and could go like two weeks without sex hed just want to be with me. I think he said these things to make me hate him. Then he messaged me and said I'm sorry for things I said I am just trying to make you see sense this is the wisest thing to do. Don't think I don't care because I do my head is allover and basically told me he wanted us to go back to how we were. I wasn't evan thinking about that. Then he started to be distant like he dint want to speak about it and would say hed ring me back and then never did but kept asking me if I was ok over messages. In the end I told him not to contact me I was so upset and mad that he was like this I said if your not going to be there for me then I'll do it my self. Don't get me wrong I understand he's 22 and probably was scared and the fact he was not ready but it was happening and I felt he was trying to run away from it. I was so worried the whole time about me him and the situation I ended up having a miscarriage. I was evan more upset and it took me weeks to get back to myself my head was allover and couldn't believe what had happened.He messaged me and asked me if I was still keeping the baby I told him I'm not pregnant now and to not contact me if he was not bothered. Its been 3 week I have not spoken to him he has rang me a few times on a witheld number but I didn't answer I know its him because I have only give this new number to certain people when I was with him. My work mates tell me when he comes into my work all the time to see if I'm there. He came in on one of my shifts last week and he looked upset like he had regrets and looked like he wanted to speak to me but I just walked away totally avoided talking to him. I do not know what to say. I don't know what he's thinking or what he wants. My head is actually allover the place his mum evan comes to work and cuddles me she's upset to. She said I think he's out of order and told me she loves me but what can she do. I just want to get on with my life. I do think he's missing me now and I can't stop him from coming into my work because he's doing his shopping and to be honest I don't want to make a big thing of it and bring my troubles to my work. A part of me wants to talk to him and sort it out but I don't think he deserves this. My friends say ignore him they think he wants to get back to how it was. I do miss him evan after him not been there for me I don't think its acceptable at all. I think about him all the time. I guess I just want to know why he's doing this and what he wants and why doesn't he just ring me from his phone if he wants to talk maybe he was just as upset as me but won't admit it.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 You said this:
"all that week we was arguing things got said to each other because we were so annoyed. He told me it was just sex between us I was absolutely devastated. "
Don't make any mistake - he didn't just say things to hurt you. He showed his true face and nature to you. To go back to him now would be incredibly disturbing and dysfunctional on your part. He is a flake and a jerk.
Honestly - when things got serious with the pregnancy, he chose to emotionally and verbally abuse you. He tried to pressure and break you down to have an abortion.
Your ex should forever remain your ex. At the moment of truth, he decided to treat you horribly. Never forget that. Never let him touch you again. If he's stalking you at your work, then you can get a restraining order for him to keep his distance. Or, just ignore him. He is pond scum. 22 years old is adult age. And his pressure tactic is that he pissed people off and they could harm you and the baby? Please. If that were true, he needs to not be anywhere near you at any rate.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 October 2013):
 This sperm-donor.. who has proven to be a real JERK, over time,.... is not worth one WHIT of your time or attention.
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 October 2013):
 your friends are wise.. do ignore him 100% he's a jerk and he's immature and he's selfish and childish and so many other NOT good things.
why is he doing it.. .because YOU LET HIM and because he can...
the longer you totally 100% ignore him the more boring it will be for him and the easier for you to ignore him.
he can do his shopping in other places he just chooses to do it where you are cause you give him power by getting upset.
he's playing games with you.. and what HE wants does not matter as much as what YOU want which is to heal and grow and be a mature adult... which is NOT what he wants.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 October 2013):
 He a selfish brat. Definitely NOT ready for a serious commitment OR a child.
If you hadn't lost the baby he wouldn't have wanted you back.
So here is my thought, he wants you back because it is familiar and he doesn't want YOU to find someone else.
Ask him politely to find another place to shop and to stop contacting you.
Your friends are right, ignore him. Move on.
You know what he did and how he treated you is unacceptable so WHY do you waiver in your resolve? YOU don't owe him anything, not a bit. And you ARE right, he doesn't deserve you.
Focus on you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 October 2013):
 In short, because he is a selfish prick . He's obviously used to having things go his way, and he is upset that he got dumped and gets to be ignored. It's an ego thing. I think that he'd want you back- at his terms and conditions : no accepting any blame, no taking responsibility, and , most of all, no changing. All in all, your friends are right. Keep avoiding him, and stop finding excuses for him. Yes, I agree that, at 22 and broke, he is not in a good place for being a father - so he should have made sure that this would not happen ( well, you should have done that too ) and if , regardless of all precautions, a freak accident happened... he should have been ready to face the music graciously.
At 22, he must know that when you have sex, it may even lead to pregnancy !
Regardless of that, what surprises me is that you'd still be willing to be involved with a guy who has as friends / enemies / connections who are the type of people who would actually HURT his gf- and his BABY . What do you want to be, " married to the mob " ?
Listen to your friends, and keep avoiding him.
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